Page 32 of Side Out

The kind of person that would celebrate a win for anyone he cares about. He would throw some kind of party just for the occasion and would love every minute of it.

And I hurt that person.

I hear what sounds like car doors opening and shutting across the street, and my feet take me to the front of my house without my brain even having to think about it. I need to see him like my body needs its next breath. But what I see is Jax loading up the trunk of his car with entirely too many bags.

And just like my feet carried me to the window, they carry me through my front door, across the street, and into Jax’s driveway.

Utterly panicked, I blurt out, “Where are you going? I thought you were staying for another year?”

He side-eyes me but doesn’t stop loading his bags into the car. “My whereabouts have absolutely nothing to do with you, now do they?” He sounds completely dejected.Fuck,I hate this.

“Well… No… I guess not. But?—”

“Goddamnit!” He slams a bag on the ground. “You’re engaged, Theo! What do you not understand?”

I pull his arm toward me to try and get his attention, but he yanks it out of my grasp. “Jackson. If you’d just listen to me for a second. Bridget and I—We’re—It’s not—” I inhale a breath. “Bridget and my engagement is our?—”

He cuts me off before I can finish my thought. “This is myonechance to redo last year,” he seethes. Reaching up, he tugs at his hair with both hands in frustration. “I don’t need you constantly trying to ruin it for me when you have no intention of actually following through.” If I could follow through, I would. I would a million times over again. But it’s just not possible. At least not in this lifetime. “Theo…” his voice wobbles as he says my name, and the sound alone feels like a dagger in my heart. “I have spent the last few weeks going over every detail in my head over and over and over again. Asking myself‘Why didn’t you just leave him alone, Jax?’ ‘How did you not spot the signs, Jax?’ ‘Maybe if I hadn’t been so distracted by the thought of you would I have even gotten hurt in the first place?’ ‘How did I never, not once, see that woman come in and out of your house?’ ‘Was it because I was to focused onconstantlylooking at you?’” A lone tear rolls down his cheek, but he’s quick to wipe it away.

My hand moves to reach for him, but I stop myself. “Jackson… I wish I could take back hurting you.My goddo I wish I could take back hurting you. But…” I know what I’m about to say might get me punched in the face, but I’m going to say it anyway. “I wouldn’t take back meeting you at that party. I wouldn’t take back kissing you that night on the porch. Because, that would mean we wouldn’t have happened, and that thought alone—” Now my voice is the one that wobbles. “That thought alone feels like someone gutting me. But I hate seeing you like this, soplease, tell me what I can do to fix it?”

“Not seeing me.That’swhat you can do.” My brows pull together, and he continues. “I’m going back to Montana for the rest of summer. Some work on the ranch will do my body and my mind some good.”

Montana.

For the rest of the summer.

There’s no way I can go that long without seeing him.

“H-how will I know you’re okay?”

As he loads his last bag into the trunk, he whispers, “You won’t.”

“Jax, please give me something here.” I’m begging, and I don’t care how pathetic it makes me sound.

He spins to look at me. “Why should I give you anything when you gave menothing. I need to find myself again. To try and remember who I was before this bullshit of a year started, and you clearly need to work out whatever the hell is going on in that home over there with the woman wearing your ring.”

Jax closes the trunk and walks to the driver’s side of the car, clearly not wanting to hear another word from me. So I mumble to no one but myself, “It’s not my ring.”

He gets in his car, starts it, and rolls the window down. “Figure yourself out, and I’ll do the same,Mr. Young.” He tips his ball cap down like a cowboy would his hat and says out the window, “Have a nice summer.”

Swim - Chase Atlantic

CHAPTER20

JUST ME AND MY LADY

JACKSON

“Jax, can you go put Penny and Lady back in the barn for the night?” Dad asks from his crouched position. One of the gates busted this afternoon so he’s fixing the latch on it before we head in for the night.

?*I look up at the sky. “It’s not supposed to storm, is it?”

“Nah, but I need Frank in the south pasture tonight watching the herd until we bring them in tomorrow. Last thing I need is some wolves getting at our girls because he’s not here to watch them.”

In case you were confused, Penny and Lady are mine and Dad’s horses, and Frank is our Great Pyrenees. He’s a livestock guardian dog who spends the majority of his life with either the cows or the horses, except for when Mom convinces him to come relax with her on the porch on Sunday mornings before church. He’s also got an impressive tally under his belt. Killed more wolves than any other livestock guardian dog I know.

“You want me to just wait until you’re done?” As good of shape as Dawson Baker is in, it’s a decent walk back to the house, and he’s no spring chicken.

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