Page 16 of Only You and Me

“Benjamin.” Her voice is curt.

I pull my chair out and sit down. “Hey, Trina.”

We spend the next five minutes looking awkwardly around, neither of us saying anything. Thanks to all that is holy, our server shows up with our dinner and takes our drink order. At least we can focus our attention on our food now.

About ten minutes into eating, Trina speaks. “Why did you do this?” Her voice is quiet, a mixture of confusion and resignation, never looking up from the plate where she pushes her food around without taking a bite.

Time to man up.

I place my fork down on my plate.

“Well, it’s for a good cause, for one.”

Trina looks up at me, her expression flat. “You could have made a donation.”

“Well, yeah. I could have. But then I wouldn’t be able to talk to you about something without risking you walking—or storming—away.”

Trina lifts an eyebrow at me. “If I want to walk away, I will. Just to be clear.”

“Believe me, I’m aware.” I chuckle nervously, then clear my throat. “So, the real reason I bid on you is because I realized I owe you an explanation.”

Trina leans back in her seat and frowns at me. I watch as she grasps a thick piece of her hair and repeatedly combs her fingers through it. I stare at the motion for a few seconds, remembering it’s her tell when she’s nervous or uncomfortable.

“When we broke up all those years ago, I convinced myself that you wronged me. That I was the one who got hurt.” She looks up at the ceiling and shakes her head slowly, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m not done. Let me finish before you make a judgment about what I’m gonna say. Okay?”

Trina looks back at me, but her eyes are hard, her lips pursed. “Fine.”

“When I realized you were still embarrassed to let anyone know we were together, it hurt me. But, instead of being patient and talking about it, I let my ego get in the way. I thought it meant you didn’t want to be with me.”

“I couldn’t tell you why I said no because you refused to talk with me for three days,” she hisses.

“I know.” I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. “The girl in the diner that day had been flirting with me for a while before you came in and I’d made it clear I wanted nothing to do with her. But then you walked in, and all the hurt came flooding back and my bruised ego wanted to make you jealous. I didn’t think. Instead, I pulled her onto my lap so you would see. I wanted you to lay your claim to me… in public.”

“You thoughtcheatingon me would make me do that?” she whispers.

I flinch. Because she’s not wrong. “I didn’t see it like that at the time. I thought we were temporarily broken up. Truthfully, I wasn’t even thinking beyond those couple of minutes while it was happening. I… I wasn’t thinking about how it would make you feel. I was thinking about how I felt. What I did was wrong.”

She lifts her wine glass to take a sip, and I don’t miss her hand trembling. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past.”

“It matters. It matters because I spent all these years thinking you walked away and ruined us. But it was me. It was me and my pride all along. I should have been patient and let you explain the night I stormed out of your apartment.”

Sadness flashes through her eyes and my vision blurs with tears I never planned to let her see.

“It’s fine, Ben.” She turns away and won’t look at me now.

“It’s not fine. It’s not been fine for a long time now. I meant everything I said to you back then, Trina. I meant it all. You should know that.”

“Please stop,” she pleads.

“I can’t. Because you’ll never give me this chance again. I owe it to you to let you know.”

She turns her gaze back to mine. “You owe me nothing. You’ve moved on just fine. I saw you on New Year’s?—”

“No. You saw what I wanted you to see… again. I would like to say that I’ve grown up in the years since we ended, but it’s apparently not true. When you pulled that man to you to dance, a jealous rage filled me. That woman—she was a means to an end. A way to feed my ego and try to make you feel half as jealous as I was.”

A sarcastic laugh escapes her. “I’m sure that didn’t stop you from going home with her.” Her fury and distrust are clear in her tone.

“I didn’t.” I turn my face away and swipe the back of my hand across my eyes.

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