Page 86 of Only You and Me

“Trina, goddamnit, where are you? It’s not safe for you to be out alone at night. What could be worth making yourself bait like this?” Ben’s voice is angry, but there’s also worry there.

A deep sigh escapes me. “I’m not out making myself bait. I’m with Fitz.” After I steal a glance over to where Fitz is sitting, I lower my voice to a near whisper. “I was right about him and Emily, but now something has happened with them and I’m trying to figure it out.”

I can almost hear his relief when he exhales a deep breath. “Thank God you’re not alone. Look, I’m not trying to be bossy or controlling, but just because this guy’s been quiet doesn’t mean he’s gone. And if something happened to you, I’d… fuck Trina, I’d lose my mind.”

“I get it. Sorry I made you worry. I’ll message you when I leave here.” I silence my phone and slip it back into my pocket, then walk back over to sit down next to Fitz.

“Sorry about that. Anyway, to make a long story short. I thought maybe I’d misread that you felt something for her until…” I look down at my hands, not able to bear seeing his expression when I explain.

“Until what?”

I glance back up at Fitz. “Until I saw your face when Teddy proposed to her several years later. It was subtle, but I knew immediately whatever you felt for her wasn’t gone like I thought. And shit, I should have said something before she got married. It all just happened so fast.”

Fitz shakes his head. “Don’t feel bad, Trina. He’s who she wanted to be with, or she wouldn’t have gotten back together with him, and she wouldn’t have married him.”

“I’m not so sure of that.” My voice is hushed, and Fitz’s eyes widen.

“What does that mean?” he asks, clearly shaken by my words.

“I’m just not sure she would have gone through with it if she realized she had a chance at a love that could be… different. Emily loved him. She did. And he loved her. But I really think for Emily’s part, it was a love based largely on their friendship and her comfort level with him. It was easy. Well, it should have been, anyway.” I scoff. “But it wasn’t that soul-stirring kind of love. The kind that wraps itself around your heart when it finds you and refuses to let go, no matter what happens or how much time passes. Or how much you tell yourself you don’t care about the person, dislike them, even.”

The kind I felt for Ben all those years ago and could never get past.

Fitz turns his gaze from me and stares into the dark night. I do the same. “The kind that prevents you from being able to truly move on. To give yourself fully to someone new, even if you can’t be with the one who holds your heart in their grip.”

I swivel my neck to look at him, my eyes straining against the constraints of their sockets, mouth wide open.

How did I miss this?

“Holy hell. You don’t just care about her, you love her.”

Fitz anxiously rubs at his beard. Still not looking at me.

“How long?” I ask. “How long have you loved her?”

He turns and meets my gaze. “I think I’ve loved her from the start. Almost ten years.”

The sincerity on his face and in his voice is almost painful to see and hear.

I jump up from my chair and start pacing back and forth across the deck, muttering under my breath. Agitation fills me. After a minute or two, I say, “I get why you said nothing those first few years, when she and Teddy were together, but why didn’t you tell her after they broke up after she finished college? It makes no sense.”

I stop in front of him and stare, waiting for an answer.

When he lifts his eyes to meet mine, I’m hit in the chest with the realization of what held him back, and I swear my heart breaks apart in my chest. It was me. I’m the reason they’re not together.

“Because of our friendship,” I whisper. “You thought I’d be mad.”

“I couldn’t risk losing you. You’re my best friend, and I know how protective you are of her.”

I plop back down in my seat, and all my energy drains out of me at once. “You could have told me. My God, next to Emily, you’re my favorite person. I’m not saying I might not have freaked out at first, but you’re one of the best guys I know.”

A sarcastic laugh escapes him. “I don’t know about that.”

“Well, I do. Wait a minute, is that why she moved out? Why you two ended whatever you were doing? Were you afraid I wouldn’t be okay with it?”

He shrugs. “That’s part of it.”

“Well, what’s the other part? Because I love you both and want you two to be happy. So, if being together makes you happy, then I’m okay with it. I just don’t want any… details, if you get my drift.”

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