Page 41 of Red Hot Roaster

Whaaat? Oh. I had to smile at that. And, luckily, Rose smiled right back before going on.

“Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway because I can’t seem to stop talking, I’m cautious about using birth control now—the three-month shot— and getting tested periodically. Thank you, Rafe. Thanks for listening…and for holding me.

“Now, I’ll shut up. It’s your turn—not the oversharing bit—but your turn to talk about protection, testing, anything else you want to tell me. Or…you can tell me if you don’t want to go forward after hearing all that.”

I slid toward her and reclaimed her hands. I didn’t let her pull back this time.

“First off,” I said and dipped my head to look straight into her beautiful green eyes, “thankyou, Rose, for trusting me—actually,entrustingme—with your story. I won’t tell anyone. And you’re right, I’m attracted, no,pulledto you. I want to be close to you in all the ways possible in this time we have together. In this time…with no expectations for afterward.”

She closed her eyes briefly, opened them and nodded. Holding her hand, I told her my story…although I couldn’t be as candid as she’d been. I stuck to my sexual history—she didn’t need to know about my dark years in foster care or my criminal past. Yeah, yeah, it was a long time ago, before my military service. But parts of it were…bad.

Rose deserved somebody better than me for the long haul, somebody worthy of her love, worthy of her. So, no. No expectations on my part.

I told her that I always used condoms, even if the woman said she was using birth control. I’d gotten tested regularly during my army years…and since then. She seemed to understand that I was super cautious too, based on my mamma’s experience and my unsettled life in and now out of the army.

She was right—I only trusted myself to make the decision on protection.

“Have you ever been married or in a serious relationship?” she asked.

I told her the sad truth. Well, I didn’t saysadout loud.

I shared that all my connections with women—really, hookups—had been random and short-term. Probably related to why I hadn’t moved on to that trust part ofnotusing a condom.

Since retiring from the army, I’d been intent on operating in the moment, being responsible for nobody but myself, doing the roaming coffee roaster thing. Sometimes I’d meet women at the café or a local bar wherever I was working, and we’d get together on a casual basis.

“Oh. Kinda like us.” Rose looked away and got real quiet.

I cupped her cheek gently and turned her face back to me. “No, not like us. No one’s like you, Rose.”

“But for the short-term…like we’ve agreed, right?” she pointed out. “No expectations, right?”

My lips tightened in a line, and I nodded slowly.

Rose fell asleep on the drive back from the beach, her head slumped against the passenger window, arms wrapped tight around her middle. Princess and Pirate were subdued, sensitive, as dogs often were, to the atmosphere around them.

When we got home, I was able to rouse Rose enough so she could walk into the house on her own—with my arm around her…for safety. I guided her to the couch so that I could go back out to get the dogs, both making a racket about being left behind. After wrangling them to the backyard to wash the sand off their paws and coats—and hoping Rose had a good vacuum to suck that shit up—I fed them their supper.

After coming in the back door—grr…she’d left it unlocked…again—I stopped in the utility room to unload my pockets of the dog toys and Rose’s treasures and place them on top of the dryer.

Nothing crushed, thank fuck.

My souvenir was still nestled in my beanie. I stowed it back in my pocket for later.

I figured Rose would be awake by now so we could see about getting our supper. But she was still sleeping, curled up on her side, arms crossed and hugging her shoulders tight.

My woman—I could say that to myself, right?—was dog-tired. Beach walking will do that. Covering hard ground too.

I debated whether to rouse her again. It was mid-evening by this time, and she was opening the Chocolate Lab at six tomorrow morning.

Decision made, I walked around the house, locking doors, checking windows, turning off lights. The dogs followed my every step. I arrived back at the couch and squatted down beside Rose, gently brushing the hair out of her face.

“Time for bed.” No answer.

“Rose, I want to carry you up to bed. Is that okay with you?”

That got a mumble…one I took to be in the affirmative.

I slipped my arms under her knees and shoulders and lifted her up, tilting her so her arms and head tucked close to my chest. Stepping around the couch, I headed up the stairs, Princess and Pirate dogging my heels. At the top, I made an educated guess and turned left down the hall into the biggest bedroom. The dogs pushed past me and settled on a huge bagel bed in the corner.

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