Page 16 of Crave

“I should just forgive and forget?”

“Not forget. You can never forget, but the forgiveness is for you to find peace because right now you’re in pain. I want my son to be happy.” Just like he used to do when I was a kid, he messes up my hair.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re fine. You verbally assault your brother’s wife and goad him into a fistfight at your mother’s party, and you’re fine? You’re not fucking fine. You need to talk to someone.” I get up from my seat, walk back to the sliding glass door and face the yard.

“Tell me, Dad. Why is it that I need to talk to someone? Why is it that I’m always the one who has to do something about my behavior? What about them? My brother can steal my girlfriend. They can cheat on me behind my back. They can run off and get married in secret. They can hide their first pregnancy for months and I’m the one who’s supposed to turn my life around so I can accept their betrayal? Wait, though. They didn’t get married in secret, did they? You and mom not only knew about it, but you actually attended, didn’t you? You both kept it from me, but at least she was loyal enough not to go.” My voice is full of venom by the time I finish my speech.

“You think I attended that wedding because I wanted to hurt you?” I shrug my shoulders and refuse to answer, but Dad continues to stare at me. Unable to take the weight of his eyes on me, I give him my back. “Look at me if you’re going to make those types of accusations.” He spins me round to face him again. “I didn’t do anything to hurt you, Jake. I love all three of my sons, and Troy is just as much my son as you are. He’d lost you, your mother took your side and was vocal about it. Troy needed a parent, and I was there for him. It doesn’t mean that I agreed with what he did. I was simply being a parent. When you have kids, you’ll understand.”

“I was in love with her, and I lost everything.” Spotting one of my neglected aloe plants, I pretend to check the soil for moisture.

“What did you lose? Look at me. What did you lose?”

I turn to face my father. “I lost the woman I loved.”

“People fall in love. They break up and they move on. You say you were in love, but I don’t believe it. You were in like. You might have been infatuated. I know what love looks like, and what you two had was not it. But regardless, you can love again. I’m not negating your feelings, but this doesn’t have to end you, Son.” He lays his hands on my shoulders.

“I not only lost my brother, but my best friend. She took him from me.”

“He lives two streets over and he wants his brother back too. You can have your brother back in five minutes if you wanted. You two can work on your relationship.”

I shake my head in defeat at my dad’s words. “Put yourself in my shoes. What if Uncle John had done this to you? What if he stole Mom from you? Would you be able to put it past you and be brothers again?”

“He could not have stolen her if she didn’t want to be stolen. Maybe they have the kind of love that people write about. There is nothing you could have done about it then, but you can do something about it now. You can accept it. You can move forward and stop holding on to this hate.”

“I noticed you didn’t answer my question. I don’t know if I can do that, Dad.” Our looks aren’t the only things we have in common. Dad and I have a lot of the same views on many things. It’s the reason we work so well together. Had he been in my shoes, he would have reacted the exact same way, but he’s not in my shoes. He’s the father stuck in the middle.

“But do you want to, or are you happy to spend the rest of your life hurting? I already know the answer. You just don’t think you know how. You’ve spent so many years with this anger, you think it’s all you’ve got. It’s not. Don’t hold on to this bitterness.” I feel him behind me so I turn around to face him. “You have so much love in you. You love so much and that’s why you hurt so deeply. Let someone else have that love. Come here.” He takes me into a bear hug and holds onto me. And just like he used to do when I was a kid, he kisses the top of my head before he messes my hair.

He pulls back and grabs my face with both hands.

“So, what are you going to do, huh?” He puts his arm around my shoulder and walks us back to the couch.

“I don’t know, Dad. I’m sorry about the party, but when I realized that they were having another child, I lost it. He stole the life I wanted.”

“He didn’t steal a damn thing. Do you ever stop to think that maybe you’re better off? You’re so caught up on what you think you lost, you don’t take a goddamn minute to think of what you can find. Tracy left you for your brother. It’s the god ugly truth. A woman who can do that would never have made you happy long term. She just wasn’t meant for you. Get out there, Son. I have to go. I’m taking your mother to lunch, but Jake, cut the shit.” He stands up and whistles for the dogs. They both come running and he rubs them behind their ears before sending them off.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll keep my distance from them both.”

“Jake, you know both you and Troy will be responsible for Clark Enterprises. You have to work side by side, so keeping your distance from your brother won’t be an option for long. I’m retiring in a few years. You know your mother and I want to travel.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” I tell Dad as I stand up, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave. Dad isn’t going to retire for at least two more years, which give me time to figure out a way to get Troy to quit.

“Don’t think you can push him out, Jake.” I raise both hands up in mock surrender.

“I would never consider it,” I lie. “But truth be told, we can get another lawyer to replace him fairly quickly. You and I are the ones running the business, not Troy,” I remind him.

“Oh, Son. You have so much to learn. I see you, Jakey. You know what that means? It means I know exactly what you’re going to do before you do it. My age gives me a leg up on you. It’s a family business, Son, and Troy is your family, whether you like it or not. Now, I’ve got to go. Come by the house tonight and apologize to your mother in person.” With that he gets up and walks out of my house, leaving me alone with the dogs.

Like hell I’ll work with that disloyal asshole when Dad retires.

Obligation is the only reason I showed up last night. Obligation was also the reason I showed up at my parents' home last Christmas, which resulted in another ugly confrontation with Troy, though that one was in private.

Despite feeling obligated to attend last night, meeting Sandy was unexpected. I noticed her immediately when I walked in, and although her back was turned towards me, I knew then and there that she was beautiful. It was like I breathed for the first time when our eyes finally met.

Beautiful brown eyes surrounded by the long, thick eyelashes, plump lips begging to be kissed, and on top of her curly hair sat a headband made out of miniature pink roses, giving her the look of a cross between a hippie and a goddess. Everything about her was amazing, from her eyes to her lips, the curve of her hips and the softness of her breasts as she leaned into me as we danced.

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