Page 53 of Crave

With a sigh, I also get up and put on a pair of shorts. I forego a shirt, knowing she likes my chest. I leave the door open as I walk out of the bedroom to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

“Want one?” I ask, waving my mug of coffee in the air when she exits my bedroom and walks towards me. She's dressed in a pair of light blue skinny jeans and a loose white t-shirt with a huge pink rose on the front. The front of the shirt is shorter than the back, which covers her ass.

“No, thanks.”

I point to one of the six chairs at my living room table. It’s ridiculous since I’m the only one who lives here, but that is what happens when my mother gets involved with the decorating. Instead of sitting, she walks around and inspects the house. It’s comfortable, with neutral colors on the walls and a cherry wood kitchen. The house has an open floor plan with high ceilings. She walks to the huge bay window at the front of the house and opens the curtains. “Your house is gorgeous. Is this where you put your Christmas tree? It would be perfect right in this spot.”

“You can help me decorate next Christmas. We can even add some pink decorations if you want.”

“Okay, Jacob. Enough stalling. You asked me here to talk, so talk.”

Walking up behind her, I grab her hand and bring her to the living room couch where she sits as far away from me as possible.

“What do you want to know?”

“What do I want to know? Really? Okay, if that’s the way you want to play it. What’s the story with you, your brother, and his wife? And what could be so horrible that you would provoke a fight at your mother’s party?”

I mull over her questions, attempting to find a point to start at. I take a breath and look her in the eye. She watches me, her own eyes wide with expectation.

“I know I come off as the asshole in the situation, but there’s a lot you don’t know.” I stand up then, and I can feel her eyes following me across the room. She’s silent as she waits for me to continue. “Troy and I used to be very close until five years ago. He’s less than two years older than I am, so he was only one grade ahead of me in school. We had a lot of the same friends and were inseparable. He was my big brother, friend, and protector when necessary. I looked up to him so much. When I was five years old, I dressed as Troy for Halloween. That’s how much he meant to me.”

“What changed? What happened five years ago that ended that closeness?”

“Tracy. Tracy happened.” I turn to look at her, to see her reaction.

“You fell in love with your brother’s girlfriend?”

“No, it’s not like that. Tracy was my girlfriend. We were together for a year until I discovered she was cheating on me with my brother. That’s what happened.” Her eyes are wide and her hand covers her mouth in shock. She stands up and comes to stand in front of me. She takes my hand and leads me back to the couch.

“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine going through something like that.” She moves closer to me and puts her hand on my knee. I take her hand and kiss it before putting it back on my knee, taking solace in her touch. “How did you find out?”

“Tracy and I started to drift apart. She was always busy all of a sudden. One Sunday our parents had a dinner at the house. Mom asked me to go find Troy since she was about to serve dinner. He was in Dad’s office on the phone. I was about to call out to him when I heard what he was saying. He said something about not wanting to hurt his brother, but not telling him would hurt more. There was this urgency in his voice, you know. He sounded panicked. I knew right away he was talking about me. Luke was only fifteen at the time, and we’d both die before hurting him. I listened some more to the conversation. He said he was tired of sneaking around and he was ready to deal with the consequences and that he loved her. I rushed back to the kitchen before he noticed I was there. That entire evening, I watched him. I looked for signs that my brother, my best friend, would betray me, and I found nothing. He acted like he always did. I even convinced myself that I was wrong. That Troy could never do that to me. When dinner was over that night, I followed him. I followed him right to Tracy’s apartment building. I sat in my car for an hour before going upstairs. Tracy told me she was spending the night at her brother’s, and like the fool I was, I believed her. They both thought I was so stupid that they didn’t even bother to lock her door. I walked in to find them on her couch. The couch that I bought her, mind you, with his hand down her pants.”

I stand up from the couch and start to pace, running my hand through my hair over and over again.

“The three of us just stood there, like deer in the headlights. Troy got up and started to talk, but I hit him before he could finish his first sentence. It was pandemonium, Sandy. I don’t even remember all of it. Tracy called the police and she told them I started the fight. Troy wouldn’t cooperate and said he was not going to press charges, so I didn’t get arrested. Before I left, I said some nasty things to them. I told Troy he was no longer my brother and called Tracy a whore. I was so angry and hurt. I told my parents, and they were livid. My mother hasn’t said more than a few words to Tracy since.”

“Are you still in love with Tracy, Jake? Be honest with me.”

“I’d never lie to you. No, I’m not. I just feel so betrayed by them both. I did love her once, or at least I thought I did. I introduced her to my family. Her mom died when she was a teenager, so my mom tried to make her feel included. She was going through some rough times, and I was there for her. I thought she cared about me too, but this is beyond Tracy.”

“I understand. If Tash did something like that to me, I don’t think I could ever get over it. I get how you must feel. Come sit with me on the couch.” I follow her to the couch and she sits on my lap. I hug her to me, letting her share my burden for a while. “Add to the fact that she’s a permanent part of your family now. You have to see her at family events.”

“And they expect me to just get over it.”

“Who does?” she asks as she strokes my hair.

“Troy and Luke. Tracy stopped asking for forgiveness long ago and now acts like she’s the wronged one. Troy acts like I’ve betrayedhim, and Luke just thinks I’m an asshole.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t really think that. He was young and I’m sure this affected him too. One day he had two older brothers who idolized each other, and the next day it was gone. That must have been hard on him.”

“It’s affected everything. For the first two years, I refused to be at my parents' house if they were going to be there. You know they got married and I didn’t find out about it until two months later? I didn’t even know Tracy was pregnant until she was showing. I found out only because I ran into them at a restaurant. That turned into an ugly scene I’d rather not get into, but after that, I didn’t see them for months. I turned in my resignation at work, but Dad convinced me to take a leave of absence instead. I blocked his number from my phone. Troy showed up here once. It was the week before Thanksgiving, and he was drunk off his ass. He asked if I was finally going to come meet my nephew or if I was still going to be a bitter asshole. I was about to kick his ass when JD stopped me and took Troy home. The next day, Dad told me Troy wasn’t coming to Thanksgiving, so I went. We’ve just alternated holidays since. Except for last Christmas, and that didn’t go so well either.” I lay my head on her chest and just feel her fingers running through my hair.

“I’m sorry you went through that. And forgiveness is something you give on your own time, when you’re ready. I know hurt like that takes a long time to heal, if it ever does. Just remember that forgiving doesn’t mean that you go back to being best friends. Forgiveness is for you.” She plants a soft kiss on the top of my head and rests her chin there.

CHAPTER 17

SANDY

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