Page 66 of Crave

“You too, Ems.”

“And you’re my uncle too? When Aunt Tracy and Uncle Troy adopt me, that will make you my uncle.”

“Yup. I’ll be your uncle too.”

“Yes!” Emma exclaims.

I squeeze Jake’s hand underneath the table in a show of support. He lifts our hands and gives mine a kiss before excusing himself and walking inside the house.

CHAPTER 22

JAKE

I walk straight through the house, into Uncle John’s office and grab his best bottle of scotch. The first hit doesn’t do the trick, so I pour myself another one before taking a seat in his chair.

When I learned about my brother and Tracy, I cut them both out of my life. There were not enough apologies or explanations in the world to make me understand. The decision was an easy one. When it first happened, I couldn’t be around Troy. Tracy was a nonfactor because she stayed away. My parents didn’t want her in their home, and so she didn’t come around, but Troy was a different story. He wanted to make me understand. He wanted to apologize. He wanted forgiveness.

He wanted Tracy too.

He wanted everything without having to give up anything.

“What do I have to do, Jake? What do I have to do to get my brother back?” Troy asks, totally exhausted as he leans against the wall for support.

“You want me back?”

“Yes,” he says without hesitation.

“You want things back the way they used to be?”

“Yes. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Okay. If you mean that, then end it. I want you to walk away from Tracy.”

I see the color drain from his face at my request. He puts his large hands over his face as he lets out a soft sob. “I can’t do that, Jake. I love her, and she loves me.Me. I can’t let her go.”

“Then you’ve made your choice. You can’t have us both.”

I take another drink at the memory, the anger and jealousy I felt towards them is gone, but the betrayal from my brother is still very much alive. It was easy to cut him off. I made him live with the consequences of his choice. It was all about my feelings. My anger. My betrayal. I was the victim.

I never considered any collateral damage.

Troy was gone and getting to know his son was not an option. After I left the hospital, I never considered it. Troy was out of my life and so was his child. I’d see him at family functions, but it was easy to ignore him as a baby. We alternated holidays, and I’d go months without seeing him. Pictures of him at my parents' house or dad’s office were all I saw. Mom and dad would talk about him, but I’d either leave or change the subject.

It wasn’t until he was three that things changed. He was at my parents' house one Sunday afternoon, and despite not seeing him for over a year, he knew who I was. He spent hours glued to my side, asking questions, climbing on my back. He even tried to follow me into the bathroom. I hadn’t realized how much he looked like me until that day, or how much he knew about me, or stories about me and Troy when we were growing up.

He asked me to come to his house to play with him that day, too. He invited me to his birthday party, even though it was months away. I felt a sense of shame when I didn’t do either, but at that time, it was all about me. I never considered the kid.

God, I’m an asshole. I bring Sandy here around my dysfunctional family and I abandon her at the table. I put the scotch away and leave the office.

As I reach for the sliding door, someone calls my name.

“Jake.” I hold on to the door, my knuckles tight from the pressure, but make no move to open it.

“What, Troy?” I turn to face him, but he doesn’t say anything. “What the fuck did you say to Sandy earlier?”

“I told her that I love and miss you.” I close my eyes and let out a deep, exaggerated breath.

“I’m going back to Sandy.” I start to open the door, but he speaks again.

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