Page 83 of Crave

“She seems nice.” I follow him inside and close the door behind us.

“She’s amazing. I really would like for you to get to know her.”

“I’d like that too. I’ve been kind of an ass to you every time I’ve been around her. She probably thinks I’m an asshole.”

“Doubt it, but you’re not here to talk about that.” We sit back at the table. “I have two questions before we begin. Are you sick?” I’m relieved when he shakes his head no. “Are you in some sort of legal trouble.”

“No, Jake. And before you ask, I’m not on drugs either.”

“I never thought that, but it’s good to hear. What’s going on then? If you’re here to talk to me, it’s big. So, talk to me, Luke the Nuke.” He smiles sadly at the childhood name Troy and I gave him.

“You and Troy were obsessed with wrestling.”

“And you were obsessed with whatever we were obsessed with.”

“That’s because I thought you two could do no wrong. I miss how we used to be, Jake. Don’t you?” He rubs his face with his hands again, but this time I think it’s a shield to hide the tears in his eyes. “Remember Brother’s Day? We haven’t had one of those since you two fell out. I really miss that. I really miss how things used to be between the three of us.” Brother’s Day is a holiday Troy made up when Luke was about five. It was the first Saturday of March, and we’d exchange gifts and spend the entire day together. When Luke was little, we’d let him choose any activity, which usually meant a trip to the aquarium. “Don’t you miss it?” he asks again.

“Yes, Luke, but you’re not here to talk about that either, are you?” Luke is collateral damage to this thing between me and Troy. One day he was a teenager with two older brothers who got along, and who spent time with him, to all of a sudden not being able to be in the same room with each other without getting into physical blows.

“You’re right. That’s not the reason I’m here. Do you remember Tori?” I shake my head, giving him a blank stare. “Of course not. Well, she was my girlfriend. Troy and Tracy met her, though they were less than impressed.” Since Troy is the type who likes everyone immediately, the fact that he didn’t like Tori is telling. “I got her pregnant,” he says the last words so quickly I almost didn’t hear them.

“What? Did you just tell me you got some girl pregnant?” He nods, and I stand up from my chair so abruptly that it falls over. “What the fuck, Luke? We taught you to wrap it up! We gave you the talk when you were fourteen. Fuck!”

“Will you calm down?” At the sound of the distress in his voice, I pause and take a deep breath.

I pick up the fallen chair, but I don’t sit back down. “It’s okay,” I say with a calmness I don’t feel. “We can deal with it. Our parents are going to be pissed, but they’ll all forget about that the minute they see the baby. I’ll be there with you when you tell them.”

“She had an abortion.” This time I’m stunned speechless as Luke puts his face into both hands and starts to sob at my kitchen table.

“Is this something that you both decided on and you now regret?” I walk over and lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“No,” he says, voice hoarse. “Obviously, we didn’t plan it. I was surprised, but I told her we’d figure it out. She told me from the beginning she didn’t want to keep it, but I told her I wanted it, and I was willing to raise the baby on my own. I thought everyone would be pissed at first but would come around. She said we’d talk about it once I visited her in California, but the minute she got home, she went behind my back and ended the pregnancy. She told me about it after the fact. It was my baby too, but I didn’t get a vote.” He barely gets the last words out before the sobbing resumes.

“Shit.” I finally sit down and wait for him to finish crying. “I’m sorry. How long have you been dealing with this? Mom’s been worried sick about you for weeks”

“About a month now.” He looks at me, and his chin wobbles as his eyes fill with tears.

“All on your own? I’m glad you finally came to me, but how come you didn’t go to Troy? That would have been better than dealing with this on your own.”

He stands up and walks back to the Tequila bottle. This time, I don’t stop him.

“I figured you’d understand. Troy’s never been betrayed like this, and he has enough to deal with at home.” He downs the Tequila in one gulp before coming back to the table. I get up and stick the bottle in a cabinet, away from his sight.

“I’ve never been through anything like this, but I know what it’s like to be betrayed by someone you care about. And don’t worry, this stays between us. Come here.” I open my arms to my little brother and hold him tight as he cries on my shoulder.

“What’s been going on for the past month since you found out? How did you find out?”

“I was supposed to go out there to see her, but she kept avoiding my phone calls. We were supposed to talk about it and tell her parents when I arrived, but she told me what she had done the day before my flight. She waited three days to tell me. I feel like a damn fool. I was so fucking blind this entire time. I thought I loved her, and she told me she loved me, Jake. How could she do this if she loved me? Wouldn’t she love our baby too?” His eyes fill with tears again, and I just hold my little brother as he cries on my shoulder.

“What she did was horrible, and I can’t say or do anything to make it better, but the sting will hurt less over time. I know you’re in pain now, but you’ll be okay. I’m here, and it’s not your fault.”

“You should tell me to get the fuck out, for all the shit I’ve given you over the years. I’m a piece of shit for a brother and an even shittier human being, not to mention a hypocrite.”

“I was never mad at you, and I know how this thing between me and Troy affects you too. Just let me be your brother again.”

I feel him nod. “I’d like that.” When he steps away from my embrace, I go to the fridge and hand him a bottle of water before we both sit down again. “Thanks for listening. I just had to get it off my chest.” He downs the entire bottle. “Mind if I hang out here while you go to Sandy’s? I don’t feel like being alone at home.”

“I’m not going to leave you here alone. You can come with me to Dee’s, or I can stay here with you, but some air would do you good. And I’d like for you and Dee to get to know each other.”

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