Page 90 of Crave

He nods, wordlessly.

“He misses you too.”

“The last thing I want to do when I’m laying naked with you is talk about him.” He ends the conversation when he captures my mouth with his. We lose ourselves in each other again, leaving the outside world and our past behind.

Jake was up and out before the sunrise, our only interaction being the kiss he planted on my forehead before leaving my house. I ignore two more calls from Derek and delete two text messages throughout the day.

Thankfully, the day is busy with patients and I have no time to think about Derek or our past relationship. Jake’s day is equally as busy, and I'm disappointed to learn he's going to a business dinner. We agree I'll meet him at his office the next day since it's my day off.

I take the time to text Tash about the Derek situation, and her advice is to pick up his next call and tell him not to contact me again.

I don't listen to her advice, and I ignore Derek’s third call of the day, which he made about an hour before I was due to leave work, telling myself I'll call him back on my way home.

It's past six o’clock by the time I walk out the door. I check my phone for any messages from Jake and am so distracted that I don’t notice the person leaning against my car until I look up from my phone.

His back is turned to me, but I know it's him immediately. He’s average height for a man, only about three inches taller than me. His stance is the same, feet planted a few inches apart, both hands in his pockets. The only difference is that he’s put on a noticeable amount of weight since the last time I saw him.

“Derek?” At the sound of my voice, he turns around to face me. Despite being chubbier, his face is still the same, clean shaven, smooth brown skin. “What are you doing here?” Eager to get this over with, I get right to the point.

“You haven’t answered any of my calls or texts.” He’s blocking the door to my car, giving me no choice but to face him.

“We have nothing more to say. We said everything that needed to be said two years ago, Derek. Move so I can get in my car and go home.”

He doesn’t move. “Why the rush, Dee?”

I cross my arms over my chest and wait for him to say whatever he wants to say. He pulls out his phone and hands it to me. It’s a picture of me and Jake taken last weekend in Tash’s backyard. Tash posted it and tagged me and Chris, and since Chris and Derek are still Facebook friends, this must have shown up in Derek’s feed.

I can’t help but smile at the picture. It’s of me on Jake’s back as he races Chris who has Tash on his back. My head is thrown back and I’m clearly laughing in the picture. I hand the phone back to Derek, look up at him and wait for him to speak. Throughout our relationship, Derek went from attentive, to needy, to jealous, to controlling. His need to know where I was whenever I wasn’t with him or at work became too much, but when he crashed my monthly girls’ night and refused to leave, I knew our relationship wasn’t going to last much longer. The man I love now might be possessive, but he’s not controlling or manipulative. He’s an open book.

Derek’s jealousy irritated and embarrassed me, but Jake’s possessiveness makes me feel wanted. Loved. Desired. In fact, when I compare what I have now to what I had with Derek, our relationship was lacking in every way.

“I see you’ve moved on,” he says quietly as he puts the phone back in his pocket.

“You should do the same. I don’t owe you any explanations.”

“I Googled him. Your boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend, right?” Despite his calm tone, I can see the anger in his eyes, something I only saw from him once throughout our entire time together.

“You tell me, Derek. What did Google have to say?” I cross my arms over my chest as I wait for him to have his say.

“That you got yourself a rich, white boy. That you went all out. I knew the last name sounded familiar. So, I guess it all worked out, huh? Not only is your mom providing pastries to them, she’s also providing her daughter. Was that part of the deal? He gets to sample Dee’s goods?”

The words are like a slap in the face, but I refuse to let him see that he’s upset me.

“Either you move, or I’m going back inside and getting security. I don’t owe you any explanations. I don’t owe you anything, and who I choose to be with is my business.”

“You love him?” I face him, eyebrows arched. When I don’t answer his question, he continues. “In the time we were together, you never looked like that. I did everything I could to make you happy, but nothing worked. I guess I just wasn’t white enough. I’m kicking myself because I should have known.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, and I don’t care. The simple truth is, we weren’t a good match. You weren’t happy either, Derek. Find someone else. Move out of my way.” He takes one small step away from the car door, but not enough for me to go around him and get in.

“Like you did?” he asks, pointing a finger in my face. I hold my ground, refusing to cower or show any fear. “I was happy. I loved you, Dee. I still love you. I was hoping that time and distance would help you see how good we were together, but I guess I was wrong. I was never going to be good enough for you, was I?” He takes another step closer to me. I’ve seen that look in his eyes before. I know whatever hurt he’s going to inflict will be with his words, never his hands.

“Don’t you dare stand here and talk about loving me after what you did. Love isn’t controlling, manipulative, or conniving.”

“I did what I had to do, but even that was useless. You willed your body to reject my baby.”

“As a medical health professional, you should know better than that. And this conversation is pointless. I don’t know what you thought confronting me would achieve.” Having enough of this conversation, I turn to head back into the building to talk to the security guard, but he grabs me by the elbow and spins me around to face him again. The grab is unexpected, but I hold my ground.

“You know he doesn’t see your mother as anything more than the help, right? And you’re the help’s daughter. You’re something he wants to cross off his bucket list. Sex with a black girl? Check. You’re simply helping him fulfill a curiosity. I thought you were smarter than that. You don’t actually believe he loves you, do you?” He gestures towards me as if I’m nothing. “I’d feel sorry for you, except this is exactly what you deserve. You didn’t love me, only to end up with someone who couldneverlove someone like you. You’re just a distraction until he finds someone who fits into his world.” He had let go of my elbow, but he steps closer to me, crowding me. His eyes two angry slits.

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