Page 19 of Crave

Everyone holds their breath as they wait for me to speak. I look at my brother. His eyes are sunken. For the first time, I notice that he’s lost some weight. He’s tense as he waits for me to speak. For the sake of my mother and brother, I want to do the one thing that would make them happy. But I remember the day I found out about Troy’s betrayal.

Just forgive. Free yourself. Accept it. That’s the mantra my family has been preaching for five years, only it’s not that simple. Betrayal by someone you trust is like a virus. It takes over not just your body, but your mind. And just like a virus, there’s no cure.

“If you want my forgiveness, you know what you have to do.”

His shoulders sag in defeat, and when he looks at me again, the sadness in his eyes is joined by anger.

“You know what? Forget it. I meant what I said. I’m done trying and I’m done apologizing. You met that nice woman last night. What happened with that? Did your bitterness chase her away? That’s probably for the best. I wouldn’t wish you on any woman. In fact, if she comes around you again, I’ll be sure to get her away from you,” Troy says.

“How? Are you going to fuck her too?”

“Jacob!” mother yells.

“You fucker,” Troy says as he lunges for me. I step out of his way before he can reach me. Luke comes between us, stopping Troy’s attack.

“You know, Troy,” I say in a bored voice, “the next time you come at me, I’ll let you make contact. Just give me an excuse to fuck you up. Make you useless to that piece of shit wife of yours,” I taunt him. I see the fire in his eyes as he tries to come back at me. Luke does his best to hold him back. Luke’s no match for him, but when our mother gets in the middle of us, he immediately calms down.

“Jacob, that’s enough! Troy, go home to your wife. Luke, are you staying or going back to your apartment tonight?” mother asks.

“I’m staying here tonight. I’ll walk Troy out. I hope you’re fucking gone by the time I get back, Jake,” Luke snarls at me.

I smile at him dismissively as I wave him away.

“Watch your damn language, Luke. See your brother out. I’ve had all I can take of this fighting. When did we devolve into this dysfunctional family? I didn’t raise my boys like this, and I’m sick of it.”

I open my mouth to say something smart about when the fighting began, but she put her hands up, shutting me up. “Not another word out of you right now, Jacob.”

I bite my tongue immediately. Lilian Clark only calls me Jacob when she’s angry at me, which happens infrequently. Troy walks out without saying another word.

“Sit,” she says, pointing at me and then towards a stool at the kitchen island.

“Mom, I didn’t come here to fight. I didn’t even know Troy would be here. I came to apologize.”

“But you certainly didn’t avoid the confrontation, did you, Jacob? I know your father talked to you today, so I’m not going to repeat what he said. I will say this to you, though. Tracy is not worth it. You’re giving her power over you by being this angry person. That’s not my son. My son is not angry. For whatever reason, Troy loves her, and she chose him. I don’t see what he sees in her, but that’s not for me to see. Stop giving her power over you. Let it go and move the hell on because you’re only hurting yourself. I love you too much to let that continue.” She walks over to me and kisses my cheek before walking out of the kitchen.

I remain in the kitchen for several more minutes as I ponder my mother’s words.

I turn around only to find Luke standing there. Not in the mood for another confrontation, I get up and start to walk away.

“You know he’s hurting, Jake. Do you care?” I stop mid-step at his words.

“He’shurting? Are you fucking kidding me? I know you were just a teenager when it happened, but I’m not the bad guy here.”

“He’s desperate for you to forgive him. It happened a long time ago. You’re the one who keeps stirring with your anger. You’re the one forcing everyone to choose sides when it doesn’t have to be that way.”

“I never asked anyone to choose, but I see you’ve made your choice. Goodnight, Luke.” Without giving him a backwards glance, I finally walk out of our parents' home.

CHAPTER 5

SANDY

“I’ve really got to stop doing this,” I mutter to myself as I stand behind the counter of La Belle Bakery on another Saturday afternoon.

It’s a rainy April day, and the traffic in the store slows down considerably in the afternoon. If not for my mother doing wedding cake tastings in the back room, I’d leave and let her close the store.

I’ve spent the past week stalking a certain Clark’s Facebook page. We’re not friends so I can only see his profile picture, and what a picture it is. He’s looking directly at the camera, smiling, with that dimple in his left cheek on full display. It’s almost as if his brown eyes are looking directly at me.

I’ve seen good looking men before and some of them have even flirted with me, but none have ever had an impact on my body the way Jacob Clark does. For a few hours last Saturday, I was lost in brown eyes. While he was flirtatious, there was a part of me that believed he wanted more from me, but all of that went out the window soon enough.

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