Page 99 of Crave

At her words, my heart starts to beat out of my chest and my head starts to pound. I’m already in fight mode, but I need to know how much of a fight I’m going to have on my hands.

“One question. Do you love me?”

Her dark brown eyes meet mine, and I have my answer. It’s right there in her eyes. My heart rate returns to normal and the pounding in my head stops.

“Yes.”

“I know you do, but I’m really confused right now, baby. Is this about what happened the day before I left? We had a fight. That’s all. All couples fight.” I reach for her arms again, but she pulls away from me.

“I know that, Jacob. Don’t you condescend to me! You have no idea what I’ve had to deal with. None!” she yells.

“Then tell me what the hell you’ve been dealing with!” I yell back. “I’ve asked you. You told me you were tired. Bullshit!”

“Don’t you swear at me!”

“Stop deflecting! What the hell have you been through this week that I don’t know about?”

She tries to walk away from me, but I block her path. She’s trapped, and she knows it. She looks to the closest exit and realizes she’s not getting through me.

“Everything!” She blows up. “I’ve had to deal with everything and everyone. People who think I’m not worth your time. I’ve had to deal with getting a damn baby shower invitation from your ex-girlfriend, Jacob. An ex you’re still in love with considering how you reacted the other day. I’ve had to deal with Derek coming to my job and telling me that you’re only with me to satisfy your black girl curiosity, so you can check it off your bucket list. I’ve had to deal with your employee mistaking me for the cleaning crew, even though I was in a skirt and high heels. Then, I had to deal with a hostess at a restaurant thinking you were somebody else’s husband, despite the fact we walked in there holding hands. That’s what I’ve been dealing with. I had to witness a very heated conversation between you and your ex. Yeah, you didn’t think I saw that, did you? Funny how you didn’t mention it when I got back to the table. And the whole time, the entire fucking time, you’ve been oblivious to it all.” She yanks out of my grasp, but I continue to block her path.

“I’ve been oblivious? Bull fucking shit, Sandra! You think I don’t notice every little thing about you? I'm just tired, Jake. I didn’t sleep well last night, Jake. I’m just going to miss you, Jake.” I know I do a poor imitation of her voice, but I can’t help myself. “You’ve been dishonest, sweetheart. Dishonest and delusional. Don’t you dare accuse me of being in love with another woman. Ever. Don’t you ever accuse me of something like that. As for Derek, how exactly was I supposed to know he came to your job, Sandra, when you didn’t tell me? You want me to post a security guard outside the building? I will.”

Her sad eyes look at me, the tears slowing rolling down her cheeks.

“You think it’s funny? I’ve been insulted, offended and dismissed, Jake. Why? Because someone like you can’t possibly love someone like me.” She wipes the tears and turns her back to me again. I walk up behind her and rest both of my hands on her shoulders before I spin her around to face me.

“That’s ridiculous, Sandra. You know why? Someone like me loves the fuck out of you, that’s why, and I’m not going to let you run and hide because you’ve had a shitty week. No, I don’t love Tracy. The only woman I love is you. The only woman I have ever loved is you. Yes, I handled things wrong at the restaurant. And that’s why I didn’t tell you about our conversation in the hall. She followed me and got in my face. She warned me I was going to lose you if I didn’t stop being such an ass. I told her to mind her own damn business. That’s all that was. As for Derek, I had no idea about him until just now. Someone thought you were a maid? You didn’t tell me about it, but that’s a recurring thing with you. You keep shit from me. This is what your mother warned me about. You keep everything inside until it explodes. I wish you had told me when it happened.”

“Why? It’s just going to keep happening.”

“So, you end things then? You let other people decide our relationship for us? Not on my watch. When did Derek approach you? Tell me what happened. Let’s go sit down so we can talk. It’s breaking me to see you like this, Dee. This isn’t you. I want my girl back.” I take her hand, and this time, she doesn’t fight me. I lead her to the couch and we both sit.

Her eyes fill with tears again, and I pull her into my arms and hold her against my body as she cries. I rub soothing circles on her back and kiss her forehead in reassurance as she lets her frustrations out.

Finally, the sobbing ends, leaving only the occasional sniffle. She’s quiet against me. Thinking she might have fallen asleep, I try to scoop her up and take her to bed only for her to tell me no.

“Let me just get it all out, okay?” I nod and tilt her chin, so I can look in her eyes.

“It’s been a horrible week. I got home on Monday and there was an invitation to Tracy’s baby shower waiting for me in my mailbox. The next day, Derek was waiting for me in the parking lot when I left work.” I do the best I can to contain my anger at the fact that she’s just now telling me about Derek. This isn’t about my anger. It’s about her getting this out. “He had been calling and texting me for a few days, but I ignored him. When I left work that Tuesday, he was leaning against my car, waiting for me. He’d seen pictures of us on Facebook, and he wasn’t pleased. Long story short, he told me that you were just using me to fulfill a curiosity. Then, on Wednesday, Rebecca came into your office while you were at your meeting to deliver your itinerary and thought I was housekeeping. Weeks before, Carol Healy called me Shaniqua. The cherry on the sundae was the hostess mistaking Tracy for your wife, despite us walking in together holding hands. It’s like I was invisible and you being with me was not even in the realm of possibilities. Your reaction to Tracy didn’t help. People only react if they care.” I open my mouth to speak on that, but she presses her fingers to my lips. “Someone you no longer have feelings for shouldn’t be capable of getting that type of reaction from you.”

I grab her and pull her onto my lap. I’m relieved when she puts her head in the crook of my neck. I love my little spitfire, but I’m glad the fire’s gone out of her after this particular fight.

“I’m going to address those one by one. I had no idea about the baby shower invitation. I’m not even sure how the hell Aunt T got your address, or why she would think that would be a good idea. Same about Derek. I really wish you had told me about that, Sandy. I’m going to be honest with you. I’m really angry at you for keeping that from me. Did he lay a hand on you? He’s done if he did.”

“Not really. He grabbed my elbow when I started to walk away. He told me he still loves me.”

“He what?” I yell. “Well, too fucking bad. And no one lays a hand on you, baby. I’ll find him and I will deal with his ass. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know shit about me or about us. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him get in your head. Fuck him.”

“Jake, please don’t—” I stop her by putting my hand over her mouth this time.

“It’s my turn to speak now, gorgeous. Why didn’t you tell me about Rebecca and about Carol? They’re out of there come Monday. I’ll fire Rebecca myself. Dad will take care of Carol when he hears about this. What they did is something we just won’t tolerate.” She opens her mouth again, but I continue to talk over her. “The hostess at the restaurant is an idiot, but I handled it all wrong, and for that I’m sorry I upset you, but I’m not sorry for defending you. You’re wrong, though, Sandy. I have no more feelings for Tracy other than she’s my nephew’s mother and my brother’s wife. I haven’t had feelings for her in a long time. I admit I was hurt by her betrayal, but I got over that long ago. My issue has always been with my brother, and I’ve used his wife to get to him. I’m wrong for that. I should have approached him man to man. I won’t go after Tracy anymore. Hell, I won’t even go after Troy anymore. You deserve a man who isn’t angry.”

“I don’t want you to confront Derek. It won’t change a thing. I want to move on from him. I don’t want you to fire Rebecca or Carol either, Jake. What they did hurt, but this is their livelihood. And Rebecca apologized.”

“They should have thought of that before they decided to go after you. Sandy, no one mistreats you, baby. I’m not going to employ people who do.”

She’s quiet but she doesn’t argue. She rests her head on my chest and puts her hand on one of my pecs.

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