Page 59 of Cherish

“Hey!” I yell. They both finally stop talking and look at me. “You know what? You two are very similar. In my damn face all the time telling me what the fuck to do.” I toss the water bottle in the sink and go in search of a beer. I grab the last one, only to be reminded of all the shit that’s gone down since yesterday. Alex wrote her name on my last fucking beer. ‘Drink it, you die. That means you, Jason’ is scribbled on the label, followed by a heart and a smiley face.

Unable to bring myself to drink it, I put it back, leaving it for its rightful owner.

“Well, somebody has to say something,” Mellie insists. Jake opens his mouth, but I hold my hand up as I take my seat at the table.

“I asked her to marry me. Last night, when she was breaking down crying, telling me everything has turned to shit, that Natalie would never let her be a part of this, I told her I wanted her to marry me. Whether or not the kid is mine, I want her with me.” For once they’re both silent. Mellie reaches out and grabs my hand as tears fill her eyes.

“Mellie, don’t start with the tears. I haven’t seen you cry since you were a little kid. Don’t start now.” She straightens her back and takes a deep breath, waiting for me to continue. “She told me I was asking because I was afraid of losing her, and she didn’t want to say yes only because she didn’t want to be alone. Then a thunderstorm started, and I spent the rest of the night comforting her.” I turn to Jake and say, “There was a thunderstorm the night her mother died, and she didn’t hear her collapse. She’s had issues since. When we were at Martha’s Vineyard, she told me she wasn’t afraid anymore. That being with me took her fears away.” My breath catches, and I surprise myself when I start to sob in front of my friend and sister. I recover myself before any tears can fall.

“She’ll say yes,” Mellie says, while she rubs my back.

“She will,” Jake reiterates.

“Not a romantic way to propose. Reeks of desperation, but I was desperate. I can’t lose her, but she’s slipping away. She won’t want to be a part of this.” I drop my head down and cover my face with both hands, exhausted.

“If you keep sitting your ass here, you might lose her. Get over there,” Jake insists. “Listen, man, everybody has something. You have an ex, maybe a baby. This was all before her. Tell her that. If you had a child when you met, it wouldn’t have mattered. Get your ass up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

“I went back to her place, she wasn’t home, so I thought she might be here. And I’m not so sure about her getting with me if I had a kid. She held Travis for about ten seconds. He drooled on her and she couldn’t pass him over to me fast enough. Said he was squishy. She’s only twenty-five years old, and I’m asking her to be a stepmother to a baby I might be having with my ex. And I don’t exactly work a nine to five. I work crazy hours, some of them overnight. I’m on-call. She’s going to do a lot of the heavy lifting on her own. Not to mention the shitstorm of dealing with Natalie for the rest of our lives. And you’re forgetting one very important thing. This is Natalie we’re talking about. Do you think she’ll ever make this easy? I might have to move back to New Jersey or New York so I can see my kid.”

Jake and Mellie both start to speak at once, offering me reassurances and demanding I get off my ass. Whatever the fuck that means. Thankfully, Jake’s phone rings and he excuses himself to go talk to his wife, but Mellie stays. I tune her out and wonder where the fuck Alex is. I pull out my phone to find no texts or missed calls. I call her phone only to have it go to her voicemail after several rings.

I lean back in my chair, my stomach feeling like it’s been punched. My head pounds and I can feel the increased speed of my pulse. God, I miss her. I’d give anything to have her in the kitchen now destroying dinner. I’d even wash it down with some of her awful coffee. My shoulders sag at the thought of her alone and upset because of the stupid shit I did before we met. What I’d give to go back seven months and undo this damage.

The fear that I have, deep in my gut. The fear that I haven’t allowed myself to verbalize is that I believe Natalie. I don’t know if I’m the father, but I believe she believes that I am. There was something in her voice, despite her bravado and shitty attitude; she had this fear I’ve only seen once. It was when she told me about her father’s terminal illness. She was stripped of her armor, and all I saw was Natalie, vulnerable and scared. I saw a glimpse of that last night, and that scares me more than anything.

Eighteen years of dealing with her and her bullshit, I can handle. Bringing someone else into it is a lot to ask, but I won’t stop asking.

“Listen, JD,” Jake says, walking back to the kitchen. I watch as he slides his phone in his pocket and takes the seat across from me. “One thing I’ve learned over time is that love and relationships are messy and complicated. Nothing worth having is easy, and yes, I admit this is a lot, but not if she loves you. I’d do anything for my wife. If she had a kid before we met, I’d be the best father to that kid, no questions asked, because I love her that fucking much.”

“He’s right, JD. What you have is worth fighting for. That girl loves you.”

“So, where the fuck is she? Neither you or Ananda have heard from her. She won’t take my calls. And she has no fucking family other than some deranged aunt in Pittsburgh.” Sick and tired of wondering, I stand up abruptly. “I’m going back to her place to wait for her.”

Mellie and Jake high five each other.

“Thank goodness. Go!” Mellie yells.

I run to my room and pack a bag in less than five minutes.

“Jake, go home to your wife, man. Thanks for being here for me.”

He pulls me into a hug and pats my back. “Go get your girl,” he says, repeating the same words I said to him not too long ago.

CHAPTER 39

ALEX

“Sweetie, you look like hell.” I don’t even bother to look up at Tina as she puts a hot cup of coffee in front of me. I will myself not to cry and make a fool of myself in public.

How could my life crumble so quickly and dramatically? I had everything, but like everything else I thought I had, it was taken away from me, through no fault of my own. I sip the coffee as if it will give me the courage to walk into my office and do my job, knowing full well I’ll have Mellie and Ananda in my ear all day, telling me I’m being dramatic.

As if one can be too dramatic when it comes to your man’s married ex showing up with a belly full of baby. My throat tightens, my bitterness as strong as this coffee I’m drinking.

Lost in my own misery, I don’t even realize that Tina has taken the seat across from me until she raps her knuckles against the table. I’m forced to look at her when she clears her throat. I look into her kind brown eyes, and my own eyes fill with tears. Unable to contain them, they fall freely down my face until I put my head in both hands and weep. Tina comes to my side of the table, takes me by the hand and leads me to the back of the restaurant and into a tiny office.

“Sit.” She leaves me and returns moments later with a glass of cold water and a shot glass full of whiskey. I finish the whiskey in one gulp before I sip the water. Neither of us say a word for several minutes. Tina sits there with me, letting me cry until my tears dry up.

“I know that cry. That’s the cry of a broken heart, sweetie. What happened? I’m an ear and a shoulder. Sometimes that’s all we need.” She lays a hand on my shoulder. I pick up her hand and lay it on my cheek, needing a human touch. She takes me into her arms and hugs me.

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