Page 39 of Make Me

“I wish you would have woken me up so I could have taken care ofmydaughter,” I whisper, making sure I don’t wake Ivy.

“Well,” he says calmly, “you were obviously tired, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Don’t make decisions for me where my child is concerned, Cooper. And you’re not her daddy, okay? When she’s feeling better, I’m going to talk to her about that, but—”

He moves quickly, and before I know it, he’s pointing his index finger in my face. “Don’t you ever,eversay that bullshit to me again. Do you hear me, Laci?” His voice is laced with venom, and I can’t help but take a step back. “I may not be her biological father, but I’m still her daddy. I love her. I take care of her. I’ve done more for her than that sperm donor ever did, so you shut your mouth. I know you’re hurting, but I’m not the cause. All I’ve ever done is love the both of you.” He spins on his heels and walks out the sliding back door, closing it with more force than necessary, leaving me stunned and speechless in the process. In all the time I’ve known Cooper, he’s never raised his voice at me.

When he doesn’t come back in, I grab his jacket and mine and follow him outside. He’s sitting at the table, smoking a joint, something I haven’t seen him do since my first week here. He doesn’t bother to look at me when I approach. I hand him his coat. He takes it from me, but he doesn’t put it on. He just throws it on the table.

“I’m sorry.” I quickly pull out a chair and take the seat next to him. He doesn’t respond. “You’re right.” I reach over and lay a hand on his lap. “You are the only father she’s ever known, and you’re the best father she could ever have.” He turns his head away from me, inhales his joint and exhales, and a white cloud of smoke fills the air. “You’re also the best boyfriend I could ever hope to have. You’re everything, Cooper.” I take his free hand and hold it. When he doesn’t pull away from me, I put it to my face. I let out a sob when he caresses my cheek. He takes the joint out of his mouth and watches me. I lean in and pepper his face with kisses. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Don’t ever say that to me again, Laci. I mean it.”

“I won’t. I promise. I don’t want to lose you, Cooper. Since you came into our lives, I’ve done nothing but take from you, and I don’t want you to wake up one day and regret it. I don’t want us to be too much for you,” I tell him. A lone tear falls, and he wipes it away.

“You can never take what I don’t give freely,” he says.

“I don’t want us to be a burden or a charity.”

“I never thought you were.”

“I’ve always taken care of all my needs—emotional and physical. I’m used to that. I can handle that.”

“But you don’t have to anymore. I’m here now,” he soothes. He finally reaches over and takes me in his arms. I let out a sob before I practically jump onto his lap.

“Yeah, I know. But I’m afraid that after a little while you won’t want me around, but it won’t just be me. It will be Ivy, too. And I don’t want to let anyone make her feel like she’s unwanted or a burden. She’s not.” A deluge of tears slides down my cheeks, and I’m unable to stop them. I place my head on his chest, and he slides his hand on the nape of my neck, gently caressing me.

“Did it ever occur to you before that I want to be her father? And that I want nothing more in this world than to be here for both of you?”

“I want that too. More than anything, but are you sure?” I ask. “You saw what I come from. My own mother brought that woman to my daughter’s birthday party. She destroyed something I’ve worked hard to put together. This is where I come from.”

“We,” he says. When I look at him, he says it again. “We.Weplanned that party.Weput it together for Ivy. You haven’t been in this alone since we became a couple. It’s been you, me, Ivy, and Sam.”

“That’s what I’ve wanted to avoid since I left Chicago. I don’t want to have to depend on anyone.”

“Bullshit. You depend on Aunt Mae. And whether you want to admit it or not, you’ve depended on me. Why is anything different now? You already told me all this shit about your mother, and I didn’t leave you. Your mother is fucked up, Laci, but that has absolutely nothing to do with you. I love you, and I’m sorry you were ever made to feel as if you didn’t matter. Even for a second. And I’m so sorry they came and brought all of those feelings back, but I want you to look at me.” I look up, and he cups my face. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. This is just the beginning for us. I want you to move into my house, and Laci, I want to marry you.” A moan escapes me, and more tears fall. “I think a part of me has loved you since I was a teenager. Since I first saw you.”

“I want that more than anything.” I say through a sniffle.

“Do you love me?”

“How can you ask me that? I love you like crazy. I’m just so embarrassed, Cooper. I’ve been pushing you away because I’m so ashamed. She’s my mother. She’s supposed to protect me, but she’s thrown me to the wolves over and over again. And then she brought it here to the new life I’ve built. It’s one thing if I tell you, it’s a whole other thing for you to see that dysfunction.”

“Forget everything else. I will make you feel loved every day, and I will never, ever leave you. Never. Only death will separate us. I’m your protector, Laci. I’ll walk through fire for you and Ivy. All you have to do is let me.” I relax against him, but the tears won’t stop. “I want to adopt Ivy, but I’m already her daddy. Your husband and her father are the best titles.” A laugh escapes, and he tightens his arms around me.

“We have Ivy, so maybe we can have a Daisy. And a Marigold. Maybe a Lily.”

“What about a Cooper two-point-oh?” I ask. He lets out a breath and lays his head on my chest.

“Nah. I want a house full of women. Even the pets will be females.” I kiss the top of his head and laugh. “And I want another dog, by the way.”

“I want all of that. I’m sorry I freaked out. I was waiting for you to tell me you thought we were a mistake. This is your last chance.”

“I’m not going anywhere, but you are. What would you say if I told you I can have you and Ivy moved into my place this weekend? We can be all set up for our first Christmas together. Whatever furniture you don’t take, we can leave here for the next renter.”

“Yes!” I say, unwilling to put my life on pause for another second. “Let’s do it.” He hugs me, and I plant kisses on his head. “I can start packing our things today.”

He hugs me tighter, and I feel the weight of the world leave my shoulders. I wrap my arms around my man and feel his body against mine. He kisses me, and the smell of his joint hits my senses. I never cared for that smell before, but today it’s mixed with Cooper’s signature scent, and it’s the best smell on earth. I kiss him deeply before pulling away. I drop to my knees in front of him and unbutton his jeans. Large hands grab mine.

---