Page 24 of Takedown

While Adam clears the driveway, I build a weird looking snowman for Addison, and when she demands carrots for the nose, I tell her to follow me inside.

“I stay with Ada,” she yells. She runs to him and wraps an arm around his leg. He stops the snowblower and approaches the snowman. It’s lopsided and the sticks we found for arms are grossly uneven. Adam yanks them out and throws them aside.

“Your uncle’s here now, Addy. I’m going to teach you how to build a real snowman because Aunt Mel’s snowman making skills suck.” Addy jumps up and down right before she kicks the snowman, knocking it to the ground.

Adam gives her a high-five.

“Whatever. That was perfect.” When they start stomping on the snowman, I stick my tongue out at them and step inside, leaving the freezing temperatures behind for a few minutes.

I know for a fact Adam doesn’t have any carrots in his fridge. It’s filled with brussel sprouts and broccoli. He’s definitely fond of the green veggies. I dip inside the first-floor apartment, right through the back door. The living room is dark, quiet, and most importantly, without my mother. Before I grab the carrots, I slowly walk to my room to get buttons for the eyes.

I leave water on the hardwood floor, and my boots squeak along the way. My room looks almost the same as it did yesterday. The bed’s made, but the opened closet looks almost empty. I open the top drawer to my nightstand. It’s where I have my keepsakes. There’s a family picture from my high school graduation. It was two weeks after Jason graduated college. We’re on opposite sides with our parents in the middle. Everyone but me is smiling.

It’s been years, but it might as well have been yesterday. I’d fought with him that morning. I told my brother I didn’t want him at my graduation, and I’m as ashamed of myself now as I was then. I blew up after breakfast, and to this day I don’t think Jason knows why I said that to him, but I do.

Jealousy can make you do and say things you can’t take back. I struggled through high school while Jason was valedictorian, and that morning when I was walking to the kitchen, I overheard my mother on the phone with her sister.

Ten Years ago

“We got extra tickets, Bren,” she tells Aunt Brenda. “The graduation starts at eleven thirty, so try to be there at eleven. I know how you are.” Something tells me to stay out of sight and listen. I lean against the wall, careful not to make a sound. “Yeah, Jason will be there. I’m so happy I get my baby home for the summer. I’ve missed him so much.” She listens some more. By then I decide I’m being silly for trying to eavesdrop. This is my graduation day, and the entire family is going to be there for me, but my mother’s next words stop my approach. “Girl, please. When I did this four years ago, I was the mother of the school valedictorian. I’m actually surprised Mellie’s graduating on time, but at least we can still celebrate Jason’s graduation and Mellie finally leaving home. Do you know he graduated with a four-point-o? It’s so embarrassing telling everyone that my other kid is going to some low rank state college. Can you believe it?” She tells Aunt Brenda to hold on and puts the phone on speaker.

“Mellie will be fine,” Aunt Brenda says. “She doesn’t have to be a carbon copy of Jason. She’s her own person, Di. Don’t worry about my niece.” I smile against the wall. Aunt Brenda’s always got my back, but the forced smile on my face doesn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

“From your lips to God’s ears, but we’re still going to have a good time. At least I have one kid I can be proud of.”

“Diane, don’t say something you can’t take back. Melanie is as much your child as Jason is. You should have tried to find something she’s good at and helped her develop it instead of comparing her to Jason,” Aunt Brenda admonishes. “You’re being unfair.”

“What she’s good at is screwing up. Do you want a list?” Aunt Brenda says no, but my mother says, “Well, I’ll give you one anyway. She crashed the car. I had to shell out hundreds of dollars for a math tutor even though Jason told her he’d tutor her via video. She refused. And she still barely passed math. Jason was the calculus and the organic chemistry tutor at Boston College, did you know that? Meanwhile, my daughter is always fighting and almost got herself expelled, and the girl has so much attitude she’s hard to be around. I can’t say a word to her without her sassing me. Jason never did that. Why can’t she be more like her brother? My Jason—"

“Maybe you’re not so great to be around either, Diane, do you ever think of that? Do you think Mellie enjoys being compared to someone else every time you open your damn mouth to talk to her? Stop comparing your kids. She’s her own damn person, and Jason got in plenty of trouble. I don’t remember him listening to you when you told him to leave that Natalie alone,” my aunt Brenda says.

“Natalie is out of the picture. I don’t have to worry about her anymore, but I can’t stand the person Mellie is sometimes.” My mother ignores what Aunt Brenda said about her precious Jason. “Remember after I had Jason, I said I didn’t want any more kids, but my husband wanted one more. I should have stood my ground and told him no.” Like a punch in the stomach, my mouth opens, and I let out a rushed breath. I clench my stomach to absorb the blow, but I can’t escape the pain. My eyes fill with tears that fall down my face, and I’m too frozen in place to wipe them away.

“I’m going to say this once more. Shut your damn mouth right now and don’t ever utter those words again. I’m ashamed of you. I don’t know how you look yourself in the mirror.” Aunt Brenda’s voice is laced with anger. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” I hear my mother putting the cordless phone down. By then, the tears are flowing freely, and my vision has blurred.

I’ve always suspected, but hearing the words come out of her mouth so easily is like a knife in the gut. I hear footsteps, and I know I should flee so she doesn’t see my moment of weakness, but my feet are rooted to the spot. I couldn’t move now if my life depended on it. She turns the corner and finds me still leaning against the wall.

I can’t bother to wipe my tears. She stops short when she sees me. She lets out a noise of surprise and rests a hand to her chest.

“Melanie,” she says, “why are you skulking around?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. She walks right past me, but after taking several steps, she stops. She doesn’t turn around right away. She freezes, and even with her back turned to me, I can see her raise a hand to her forehead. She runs a hand through her hair and slowly turns around.

“You want me to make you some breakfast?” she asks with a fake smile plastered on her face. She never smiles like that. At least not for me. I don’t answer. All the words I want to say get stuck in my throat. She walks closer and stands directly in front of me. “I was just talking to Aunt Brenda,” she explains quickly. She steps closer, eyeing me. It’s almost as if she’s trying to read my mind. Something flashes in her eyes. She swallows and gives me a high, fake laugh. “How about some eggs and French toast? It’s your big day, Mellie.” She reaches for my cheek, but I flinch and finally find the strength to step away from her.

“I’m your biggest regret, aren’t I, Mother? If only I were brilliant like your Jason. If only you had stopped having kids after you had him.” I say Jason’s name with so much contempt, her eyes widen. “It breaks your heart to have a daughter like me, but I bet it doesn’t hurt as much as it does for me. To have a mother who despises her for committing the awful sin of being inferior to her son. At least that’s what I thought until this morning, but maybe you just hate the fact that I exist.”

She takes a step back at my words. She frantically looks around the room as if someone is going to come out to help her.

“Mellie, that’s not true. Whatever you think you heard—”

“You think I’m so stupid that I don’t know what I heard? My ears work fine. You know what else works fine? My eyes. The disappointment in yours every time you look at me. It’s crystal clear, but hearing the words come out of your mouth…” Tears fall freely and trickle to my lips. I lick them away. “Wow. I’ve always suspected, but now I know. Thank you for that, Mother.”

I brush past her, but she grabs my wrist and pulls me back. My mom isn’t a tall woman, but she’s always been strong. I pull my wrist but can’t break her hold. “It was just a silly conversation with my sister. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Except it did. It means everything.” I yank my wrist hard enough to make her stumble several steps back. She calls my name, but I walk to the front door and out of the house.

The sound of a door opening pulls me out of my daydream. I grab what I came for and shove them in my coat pocket.

“Alex, don’t go into the kitchen until I mop the water I dragged in here.” I step out of my old bedroom, and instead of looking into Alex’s smiling face, I’m looking into the eyes of my mother.

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