Page 55 of Takedown

He puts the phone to his ear, stands up, and mouths that he’ll be right back. Just as I grab the remote and get comfortable on the couch, the knock on the door interrupts me. In too much of a good mood to be irritated, I run to the door and open it without asking who it is.

That was my first mistake. My mother stands on the other side of the threshold holding two large Tupperware bowls. My second mistake was letting her inside the apartment after she asked if she could come in.

“Since you two didn’t want breakfast, I brought you dinner.” Instead of handing me the bowls, she walks to the kitchen and puts them down on the table.

“Thanks,” is all I say. I stick my hands in the back pockets of my jeans and wait for her to leave.

“Where’s Adam?”

“He’s in the back talking to his mother.” I take a few steps out of the kitchen, hoping she’ll follow me to the door, but she stays rooted to her spot.

“You seem to be pretty chummy with his mother.” I don’t respond but arch my eyebrows. “The manicures and matching necklaces. Our family isn’t even Catholic.”

“No, but Adam’s family is, and she gave me something symbolic to her. Is that a problem for you?” I do my best to keep my temper in check, but that’s no easy feat.

“Are you planning on converting?”

“Converting? I’m not religious. Other than going to church with Grandma a few times when we were kids, we never went. And why do you care?” Just as I get my hand on the doorknob, she speaks again.

“Why does every interaction between us have to be a fight? I’m trying, Melanie.”

I keep my back turned and count to ten. Once I’ve calmed down, I turn to face her. “Trying what exactly?”

“To have a relationship with my daughter.”

“Why? You’ve never wanted one before. Listen, you have a great relationship with Jason and Alex. Focus on that, and don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

She takes a step closer to me and I take a sidestep out of the way.

“I’ve always wanted one. Listen.” She runs a hand through her salt and pepper hair. My mom always swore she would never dye her hair. She spent too much time watching our grandmother use cheap hair dye to bother. “I know I’ve made some mistakes with you, and I was hoping that since I’m here now, we can try to heal.”

I let out a deep breath and drop my hands to my sides. I look around her, hoping and praying that Adam will come out and save me, but I know his phone calls with his mom never take less than half an hour.

“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Mother. I’m really not. No part in me wants to be mean to you or to treat you like you’ve always treated me. But I think it’s best if we leave things between us alone. I’m in a great place in my life, and I know you’ve gotten into some issues recently. Maybe you should focus on fixing your problems and not me.” I do my best to keep my voice calm, but just having her here is making my entire body itch. I want to grab the blanket and cover my entire body just so she won’t see me and tear me down.

“There it is. Say it. Let it out, Melanie. Judge me the same way you think I’ve judged you.”

“The way Ithink? As if I’m making the entire thing up?”

“I’ve played a part, but you exaggerate things.”

“You’ve played a part? Like your constant favoritism? Did you only just play a part in that, Mother? Or the belittling of me? Was that just a part too?”

Her head rolls back, but she takes a deep breath and says, “You never gave me a chance to explain. It’s so much better for you to hold this thing between us over my head, isn’t it?” I wait for the blind rage, but it doesn’t come. The only thing I feel is resignation, but because I want this to be the last time we have this conversation, I don’t ask her to leave.

“None of what I just said has anything to do with what I overheard that morning. None of it. But as usual, you refuse to take any responsibility. You want to go back to that morning as if it’s the only explanation for the state of our relationship. But if you want to go back there, fine. So, I’m partly to blame because I overheard you telling my aunt that you regret having me, and I’ve done nothing but cause strife in your life? That’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that. I—”

“You did say it!” I yell, stunning her. “I remember every word you said, so own it! Do you know how many times I’ve replayed that conversation in my head? Hundreds! What I don’t need is you being around here and reminding me of this shit. You’re entitled to your feelings about me, just like I’m entitled to mine about you.” This time, I open the door and gesture for her to leave.

“So, that’s it? You married Adam and found yourself a new mother?”

“Yes, because my marriage is about you. Of course, it is. That was my diabolical plan all along. I married Adam for his mother. Are you happy now? You’ve figured it out.” I gesture for her to leave again, but when she makes no moves to go, I slam the door shut to keep out the draft.

“I love my children, Melanie. Both of them.”

“I don’t doubt that, but you only like one of us.”

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