Page 51 of Almost Paradise

Really? You blackmail a woman into marrying you and you expect her to fall into your arms? Do you want her to give you a complimentary blow job too?

She doesn’t answer, but I don’t hear her cries anymore.

“Do you want me to get you some pajamas? You can’t be comfortable in jeans and a sweater.” She doesn’t answer. I know she’s not sleeping because she snores. For months, her snoring was my lullaby, and I yearn for that again.

I leave the bed and retrieve the pajamas from the top dresser drawer. I walk to her side of the bed. Her eyes are open, but they’re vacant as she stares at a spot on the carpet. “You left these here the last time we were together.” I hand her the shorts and matching T-shirt, but she doesn’t take them. She doesn’t even look at me. “I’ll leave them here if you change your mind.” I put them on the chaise in the corner and get back in bed. She doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t get up. She doesn’t sleep. She doesn’t move. She lies there in silence.

Chapter 29

Nia

Unbeknownst to anyone else, I’ve taken the rest of the week off. I haven’t uttered a single word to Drake since last night. After dressing Carter, feeding him breakfast, and taking him to daycare, his driver drops me off at home.

This morning was more unsettling than last night. When I woke up and went into the bathroom, it was still hot and steamy from Drake’s shower. It took me a few moments to notice the things on the sink. All my favorite moisturizers, body butters, and body sprays were there, and I know they weren’t there the night before. I was so shocked, I couldn't bring myself to touch any of it. He not only got my preferred brand but the scents I like. How could he possibly have remembered?

That was only the first surprise. The closet was filled with clothes for me. All designer labels with expensive price tags still attached. All the right size and things I would pick out myself if I had unlimited funds. The dresser drawers were full too with underwear and cashmere socks.

I don’t know when he would have had the time to get these things, but the guy is loaded. It’s not like he has to go shopping himself. Either way, I don’t care. He’s lucky I was too tired to throw all those things in the trash where they belong.

I thought I had purged myself of this man and everything from him. In the year we were involved he bought me purses, jewelry, and designer clothes and shoes. He even chartered a yacht one weekend when he surprised me with a trip to San Juan.

After we were over, and I found out I was pregnant, I sold everything he gave me, but I was never able to erase the memories. I’d bury them but never for long. I barely went a day without him infiltrating my mind in some way. Something would always trigger a memory, and as much as I tried, I could never rid him from my thoughts.

It was with relief to finally leave Drake behind this morning. When Bertram stopped the car in front of my house, I jumped out before he could get the door for me. Drake followed me out, but I was able to get in and lock myself inside before he made it to the top step. I know he stood outside for about five minutes, but he didn’t knock or demand to come in.

I finally take my clothes off and take a hot shower in my old bathroom. After putting on an old and faded pair of flannel pajamas, I climb into my bed.

I barely slept an hour last night. I kept smelling him. I felt every breath he took, and being in the same bed as him, even though we were a million miles apart emotionally, brought me back to where we were four years ago. I remember everything. We never wore clothes to bed. We’d often leave a trail of our discarded clothes leading to his bedroom.

He’s right about one thing. There’s not an inch of his body that I haven’t touched, kissed, sucked, or licked. For a split second, I wanted to stop hating him, crawl into his arms and return to that time when nothing separated us. Then I remembered how he denied my son. Then changed his mind and lied about it. He threatened to mess with my dad’s career, and he blackmailed me into a marriage I don’t want. He’s not the same man from all those years ago. He hasn’t been the same since he told me he was only experimenting.

When he finally turned off the light and closed his laptop last night, I held my breath. It wasn’t the first time that he worked while we were in bed together, but it was the first time he didn’t pull me into his arms once he was done. Even when he was working, I’d be cuddled to his side, saying or doing something stupid to distract him or make him laugh.

I’ll never admit it to anyone, but I’ve missed him every single day we’ve been apart. I wouldn’t even admit it to myself for years. I was so angry that I shoved down all the good memories. Now with him not only back in my life, but married to me, there’s no way I can forget again.

Even now, the wedding rings are a reminder. I slip them off and put them underneath my pillow. The last thing I think about as sleep overtakes me is that I don’t plan on wearing them ever again.

The kitchen is pure pandemonium as Carter chases Mason and Kyle. He wraps himself around Mason’s legs. Kyle does the same, and the two of them manage to take him down. Once the younger boys are on top of him, they start to tickle him until he slides from under them and runs away. They follow him.

I shake my head, loving the noise and the craziness of the house. Ray points at the cutting board, and I start slicing cucumbers for a salad.

“You okay?” he asks. “Is he still alive or should I expect the police to come knocking any minute?”

“Ha ha. I guess I’m as okay as anyone who was blackmailed into marriage by their deadbeat baby daddy can be.” I shrug. “He’s still alive.” I pick up the knife and slam the blade into the cucumber and pretend it’s a certain part of Drake’s anatomy.

“Of all the white boys on earth,” he says, shaking his head.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me,” I tell him. “He’s the worst.”

“Why are you here right now?” he asks. “Not that I’m not happy to have you. Kyle was really upset last night. Now he has it in his head he’s spending the weekend at Carter’s new house.”

Of course, he does. That’s all Carter’s talked about since he got home. He told them every detail. He even promised them pizza at his new house.

“We’re staying here tonight,” I tell my brother.

“Does your husband know that?” I take a slice of cucumber and throw it at him.

“I sent him a text.” After I did that, I shut off my phone, so I have no idea if he’s tried to reach me, but since he hasn’t called Ray’s phone, I’m hoping he’ll leave me alone. I can’t imagine spending another night like I did last night. I was so exhausted that I slept for seven hours straight after I got here this morning.

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