Page 71 of Almost Paradise

“Yes, he does,” Carter says right before he kisses Drake’s cheek. “See?” Drake kisses him back.

“Well, Daddy doesn’t like kisses from Mommy,” I clarify for my son. That’s a lie. Drake lived in my body at one time, and that included my mouth. There isn’t a part of me he hasn’t tasted. And he loved every single moment of it. I shake my head clear of those thoughts and walk toward the fridge for a water bottle, but I feel a hand wrap around my wrist.

“Kisses from Mommy are my all-time favorite things.” And before I can respond or move away, his soft lips land on mine. It’s a soft tender kiss, and unlike the deep passionate ones we’ve shared, this makes me feel everything I don’t want to feel. I feel goosebumps spread throughout my body as his lips press into mine. He puts his hand on the back of my head and kneads my lips with his. I open my mouth to inhale, but he takes that as a sign to deepen the kiss.

For a brief moment, I let him. I bask in the feel of his tongue and his familiar scent and taste. I’m transported back to a time when I was so consumed by this man that he was all I thought about. I remember everything. Not just the kisses and his touch, but how they made me feel. How alive I would become just being close to him. I’ve never had that before or since.

I push at his chest and break the kiss before stepping away. He grasps my chin and forces my eyes on his. My brown eyes lock on his blue, and the only sound in the room is the sound of the blood pounding in my veins. The anger that was inside of him weeks ago when he came back into my life is gone. In its place is the man I remember. The sweet man who would send me a text in the middle of the day just to tell me he was thinking about me. The generous man who would fulfill my every desire. The sexy one who could never keep his hands off me.

I break the stare, clear my throat, and walk away.

“That was isgusting,” Carter says between giggles. His laughter breaks the tension, and I give them my back while I drink from my water bottle. “Look, Mommy.” He waves his glass with the green smoothie. “Daddy says it’s for our muscles.”

“So,” Audrey whispers, pulling me out of my thoughts of this morning’s events. “I think I finally have a foolproof plan. The way people get tripped up these days is either by DNA or cell phone records. What we need to do—” I tune Audrey out while she drones on about her plan to commit the perfect murder.

I was sick for three days, and he took care of me the entire time. No staff came to the house for those days. He cooked my meals, brought me my medicine, and took care of Carter when he got home from daycare. I even woke up from my nap to find him massaging my feet. I pretended to sleep, and when he was done, he softly kissed my forehead and caressed my cheek.

It was hard for me to be angry at him when he was doing everything for me and our child. All without a single complaint. What I don’t understand is why he decided to do everything himself when he could have had his employees do it. For a few moments, I let myself wonder what it would be like if our marriage was really like this. If our vows were real and we took care of each other, but it’s not.

He told me to my face he didn’t want to marry me. I told him the same thing. As far as he’s concerned, this arrangement is only about Carter.

But he told you he meant his vows.I’ve thought about that statement since it came out of his mouth. As much as I try to shove that thought aside, I can’t. I keep reliving those words, and I keep wondering if he means them.

Now, on this moderately warm Sunday, the boys are playing in the yard while the three of us talk in the kitchen.

“You watch enough ID to know that won’t work. You’ll be caught and arrested in a day,” Ray replies to Audrey. “And you know you won’t do well in jail. There’s no Starbucks or Sephora in there.”

“Whatever, Ray,” Audrey says. “I’ve worked it all out.” She pushes her big glasses back.

I’ve decided I’m done fighting and being angry. That’s not who I am, and it’s been eating me up inside. I refuse to remain bitter. I’ve always wanted Carter to have the love of both his parents, and he has it now, and I’m not going to be mad about that.

“I hate being this angry person all the time,” I tell them.

“We’ll take care of him, and there will be nothing to feel angry about. Why don’t you people ever listen to me?” she asks.

“Okay, officer of the court,” Ray says to our cousin. “I ain’t going to prison.”

“I’m serious,” I say, ignoring Audrey and her plan. “I don’t like that version of me. I’ve been angry all the time. I’ve never argued with someone as much as I’ve argued with him, and I’m exhausted by it. I don’t want to be like that. Not for my son and not for me. It’s not healthy.”

I meant my vows.I can practically hear his voice in my head.

“Good. I’m happy to hear that,” Ray says. Audrey isn’t. She crosses her arms and frowns. “Have you talked to him about things?” he whispers.

“Don’t have any serious conversations with him without your lawyer there,” Audrey says. “I don’t trust that man at all, and you know he’ll have his friend slash lawyer with him. Be careful,” she warns me.

“So, she can’t have a conversation with her husband without you there, Audrey?” Ray asks.

“I haven’t talked to him beyond telling him he’s full of shit, and that I hate him,” I tell them. “But he took care of us this week while we were sick,” I admit. “I mean, he really took care of us. Like a real husband. Like Dad does when Mom is sick,” I tell Ray. “I just don’t want to be angry anymore.”

“Well, it’s the least he can do,” Audrey says. “I hope he got sick too.”

Ray shakes his head at our cousin. “Does this mean you’re going to start communicating with him?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I tell him.

“So, you’re going to spend the rest of your life with the man, and what? Grunt at him?” Ray asks.

“He should consider himself lucky to get that,” Audrey adds. “But don’t worry. We’re going to get you out of that marriage sooner rather than later. By any means necessary,” she whispers.

---