Page 85 of Almost Paradise

I rub her shoulders and ask, “And afterward? Where did you go?” We would have come here, or I would have gotten us another house. We would have hired a designer to do the nursery.

“Me and Carter lived with my parents until he turned one. They were so amazing with him and me. They made sure I got enough rest and ate well. My mom taught me everything about newborns. I would have been lost without them. Then Ray asked me to move back to our childhood home, and even though I wasn’t under my parents’ roof anymore, they were my support system.”

“I’m glad you had them. Your family is remarkable,” I tell her. No wonder her parents hate me. They did everything I should have done. The fact that time was taken from me by my own father is not something I will ever get over.

“Yeah, they are,” she says. “Now, what’s for dessert?” And just like that, the somber mood is lifted.

“Your favorite. Strawberries and whipped cream.” She rubs her hands together in anticipation. I kiss her temple, and when she stands from my lap and takes her seat, I serve my wife her dessert.

Chapter 46

Nia

I slam my eyes shut the instant I hear the shower go off. Monday morning has reared its ugly head. My parents kept the boys last night and dropped them off at school and daycare this morning. This gave me and Drake another night into our weekend.

It was amazing, and just like every other weekend we’ve ever spent together back then. I didn’t even mind talking about my pregnancy and delivery. It didn’t bring forth the anger that I thought it would. But now, Monday morning is upon us, and our little bubble of alternate reality has burst.

He comes out of the bathroom, humming as if he has no care in the world. He’d do that back then too. He’d hum while he cooked, or when I was sitting close to him while he replied to work emails. There was always something Donald Paradise needed him to do. Whether it was to show up at a charity function or take a work trip, Drake always had a lot of responsibility.

His hum turns to whistling, and even with my eyes closed, I know he’s standing over me and looking down.

“No one sleeps with their eyes shut that tight. Time to get ready for work, baby girl.” He runs his finger along my cheek and my eyes pop open. He lifts the covers, revealing my still naked body. Despite it being Sunday night last night, we stayed up until after midnight making love and cuddling. I wanted time to stand still, but time waits for no one.

Resigned, I get out of bed and close the bathroom door behind me. He’s fully dressed thirty minutes later when I come out. He even has a cappuccino waiting for me on the dresser.

“Thank you,” I manage to say while I take a lingering sip. He watches me while I lotion my body and put on a pair of navy-blue pants and a yellow button-up shirt. I don’t know why, but I think he smiles when he sees my outfit. I look away from him, unsure of what to do or say. We agreed to one weekend, and we had it. I’m not sure what to do now.

But I do know I don’t want to return to that angry person that I was before. That was not only exhausting, but it made me extremely unhappy.

“Delores is here making breakfast. I thought we could go by the daycare to see our son before going to work. I’ve missed him,” he says. He comes over and kisses my cheek. I nearly jump to the other side of the room, but instead, I look away. “Oh, no,” he says.

“What?” I ask, unsure of what he’s talking about.

“The wall is back.”

The wall is not only back, but taller and thicker.

“I want to see Carter too,” I say instead of addressing his last statement. I turn to the door, eager to make my exit. If Delores is there, he won’t talk about anything personal, but he grabs my elbow before I can leave. I pause but don’t turn around. He lets go of my elbow, puts both hands on my shoulders, and slowly turns me around. When I won’t look up, he grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.

“I know I said one weekend, but you had to have known I’d want more.” I open my mouth to speak, but he puts his index finger to my lips. “Let me say something, please. And I don’t want you to respond now. I want you to take the day and think about it, okay?” When I nod in agreement, he continues. “I want to say this now because there’s been enough lies between us to last one hundred lifetimes. I don’t want one weekend. It was never about a single weekend for me. I asked for it because I wanted you to remember, but what I want is a lifetime. If there’s anything in the afterlife, I want that too. I loved you back then, Nia, but what you need to understand is that I love you now. I love you so much. I’ll never stop loving you. When I saw you at the arcade months ago, that was a turning point. I knew then that I was not going to let you get away again. Even if there was no Carter, I would still have figured out a way to get you here with me. I want you. I want our family. I’m sorry for how I got you to marry me, but I’ll never be sorry for making you my wife. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, even back then. I have never and will never feel about anyone the way I feel about you. Even if I wanted to. I can’t give to someone else what rightfully belongs to you and only you. Think about it. Promise me you will. That’s all I’m asking.”

His words play in my head on a loop. They’re all I’m able to think about. I think about them while we eat the breakfast Delores made. It’s a somber affair compared to how our weekend went, but Drake looks at his iPad and goes back and forth with his personal assistant. If things were different between us, I’d tell him no business talk at the table. It’s on the tip of my tongue the entire time, but I swallow the words. It’s not my place to say.

Why isn’t it? He’s your husband, and this is your home. It’s your table.

I think about what he said on the ride to the daycare. Even Bertram must sense something. He must have looked at us through the rearview mirror a dozen times. Drake talks on the phone the entire ride there, but when we arrive he puts it away, and we focus on Carter. Even then, I think about it.

His words stay with me while I work and during a staff meeting. Even the lunch that is brought in doesn’t have the same appeal because I have too much on my mind.

He texts in the middle of the day to let me know he won’t be home until seven. After picking up Carter from daycare, I have the driver take me home so I can talk to Ray. While the boys watch TV in Ray’s room, he sits in the kitchen with me. He drinks a beer while I sip on a bottle of water.

“So, I have a problem,” I tell him. He leans back on the chair across from me but doesn’t say a word. That’s not Ray’s way. He listens, then says what he thinks. “I had a weekend with Drake.” He creases his brows as if he’s confused. “He asked for a weekend like we had back then.”

He nods in understanding. “No details, please,” he reminds me.

“As if,” I tell him. “But it was amazing. We talked even though I refused to discuss anything about our past or our future, but I did tell him a little about my pregnancy. Anyway, I think you might be right.”

“Of course, I’m right, but about what though?” Ray grins at me.

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