Page 68 of Friend Zoned

“Gross. They kiss just like you guys,” Evan says. He makes a face and starts coloring his menu.

The waiter arrives, and I can tell from how he looks at Colt and Aiden that he knows who they are. He’s awestruck for a few seconds before he remembers himself and takes our drink order.

“I can go for one of everything,” I whisper to Aiden while I look at the menu.

“The lady says one of everything,” he tells the waiter. I close the menu and stare at him.

“I was kidding,” I announce.

“One of everything,” he insists. “I’m hungry, and you’ve never seen Chastain eat. I’m betting little Chastain is the same.”

The little boy doesn’t look up. He’s focused on his drawing.

A few minutes later, the waiter comes back with two margaritas for me and Aiden, and water for everyone else.

“Does it bother you if we drink?” I ask Vickie.

“Oh, God, no. Please go ahead and have one for me. Colt doesn’t drink, so I have to live through other people,” she tells me. I hold my glass and we all clink together, including Evan, who has a plastic cup.

“So, how did you two meet?” I ask our tablemates while I decide what to eat first. I grab a taco, unsure of what kind it is. Frankly, I don’t care. The margarita has relaxed me. “Were you friends first like us?”

Aiden snorts next to me, and I give him a look.

“What? Wewerefriends first,” I say to him.

“Besties til the end,” he says back with a wink.

“Um, no. My wife was not my friend first. I think she objected to my very existence when we met,” Colt says.

Vickie rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t contradict him.

“Why?” I ask her. “My mom is crazy about him.”

“She said I annoyed her,” Colt says. “Huh, Queen?”

“You still annoy me.” She playfully pushes him away before she turns to me. “So, he’s some athlete hitting on me at a club. I told him I wasn’t into the celebrity thing and to go home to his kid, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept talking about his mother.”

“Really, Chastain? Your mother?” Aiden asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

“His mother? Right after he met you? That’s a red flag,” I say.

“That’s exactly what I said.” Vickie puts up her hand and I give her a high five. “Huge red flag. It was mama this and mama that.” She even mimics Colt’s southern accent.

“Tell everyone who you were talking to on the way over here,” Colt tells his wife. Vickie crosses her arms and refuses to answer. “My mama, that’s who. Tell them how often you two talk.” He leans back and copies her by crossing his own arms.

“I love my mother-in-law. Sue me,” Vickie says. “We talk every day, sometimes more than once.”

Colt throws an arm around her and runs his nose along her neck. “They talk at minimum twice a day. I always knew you would love her. That’s why I kept mentionin’ her.” He plants a loud kiss on her cheek, then he grabs one of the shrimp dishes and puts it in front of her. “Anyway, she wanted nothin’ to do with me, but I wouldn’t give up. Finally, we spend this amazin’ night together. I wake up, and I’m ready to pick out China for our weddin’ registry, and she’s like ‘it was nice. I’ll see you around.’”

“Well, that couldn’t have lasted too long since you’re married now,” Aiden says. “And pregnant,” he adds.

“She’s always been crazy about me,” Colt says. “Begged to have my baby. I think it was the whole white boy from Alabama thang that bothered her.”

“I never said that.” Vickie tries to pinch his arm.

“Well,” I say. “Alabama.” I shrug and Vickie offers me another high five.

“So, it’s not the white boy thing? Thank goodness.” Aiden puts a hand to his heart and pretends to exhale in relief.

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