Page 91 of Game Change

“This is about me too. If not for me, you wouldn’t be leaving the company.”

“If not forMilton,” I say, stressing his uncle’s name. “The truth is, I resent him, and I won’t show loyalty to someone who showed me none.”

He stands behind me and puts both hands on my shoulders. He leans in and whispers, “I feel responsible.”

“Don’t,” I say. “This is something I need to do for myself. It’s always been in my mind, but I got complacent. That was my fuck up.”

“What can I do?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say, doing my best to reassure him. “I’m happy where things stand with us. Just leave it alone.” I look up and stare into the mirror across from me. Our eyes lock, and I can tell he’s waging a war within himself. “You’re forgetting something.”

He looks into my eyes as he waits for me to say more. “What am I forgetting?” he asks.

I turn around slowly while I mull my next words. As much as I hate saying them, I know Colin will hate hearing them just as much.

“The part where we break up and still have to work together.” The part where I have to see or hear about him dating someone else. Heath will likely take glee in letting it drop that he’s moved on. The other night, I had a dream he brought a date to the holiday party, and I was forced to watch as he doted on her the same way he dotes on me. “I’ll be doing us a favor. Can you imagine the drama?”

I try to slide past him, but he blocks me. “Honeybee, I’m in love with you.” He takes my chin in his hands and forces my eyes on him. I swallow the lump in my throat. “Leaving things alone is not in my nature. If I left things alone, we wouldn’t be together now. I want to fix—”

“You’re driving me crazy,” I finally snap. “How are you going to fix it?” He opens his mouth, but I speak first. “You can’t. I don’t need a savior. I want a boyfriend. I want companionship. I want romance and sex. I don’t need you to fix something you didn’t break.”

He finally raises both hands. “Don’t snap at me!” he snaps back. My head rolls back as if struck. Even when he was upset with me in the past, he’s never yelled at me. “A relationship is about two people helping and supporting each other. What about that don’t you get?”

I put my hands on his chest to push him away so I can move, but he wraps his hands around my wrists. He holds me in place, and his blue eyes bore into mine. I want to look away, but there’s something about the intensity of his gaze that forces me to stay in place.

“I can take care of myself.” My voice is soft, and something about his gaze has taken the fight out of me. At least for the moment.

“You can,” he concedes. “And you have, but you don’t have to do it by yourself anymore. I’m here. Regardless of how much you fight me, I will take care of you.” He puts both hands down but steps closer, pressing his body into mine. That must not be enough because he presses his forehead to mine next.

“There’s nothing for you to fix or take care of.” I take his hands in mine and press his palms to my face. He pulls away and looks down at me, but I close my eyes under his intense gaze. “I’ve forgotten how to be taken care of,” I whisper. “After I lost my mom and stepdad, I’ve been alone.”

His rough hands caress my cheeks before he pulls me close, kisses my forehead, and wraps his strong arms around me.

“You’re not alone anymore, and you can fight me all you want, but I’m going to be there for you.”

I press my face into his chest, and he tightens his arms around me. It’s been an eternity since I felt safe. After Oliver’s betrayal and losing my family home, I promised myself I’d never rely on anyone again. Still, being here in the safety of his arms and the comfort of his heartbeat, I want nothing more than to allow him to take care of me.

“I’d really love that,” I admit. Each beat of his heart lulls and comforts me. Maybe this time, I’ve finally found safety. Maybe this time, this will last, and I can rely on him and trust his promises. “But—”

“No buts,” he practically groans.

“Not about the job. Not when it comes to my career.” When I look up and put my hands on his cheeks, he turns to kiss the edge of my hand. “And I want to take care of you, too.”

“You will get no pushback from me. Take care of me however you want, and I will do the same with you.”

Chapter 47

Colin

Heath: 5 tomorrow. Family dinner. Please come. You’re my fave.

Me: I’m considering it.

He sends a stupid GIF with everyone running around in excitement, but I don’t feel the same. I haven’t been to one of these family dinners in years. I would avoid them each time I visited, and before leaving for college, I would find an excuse not to go. According to Lisa, they happen every month or so, and usually at the insistence of Uncle Milton or Colin the First.

Other than Lisa, Heath, and Uncle Milton, I’m not close to anyone else in the family, and I’m okay with that. I tolerate and make small talk with Marilyn, but I avoid my brother and his children.

Colin the First’s kids are only a little bit younger than me, and despite that, I wasn’t close to them either. My older siblings were angry at my dad for divorcing their mom, and when he met my mom and married her, familial relationships did not improve.

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