Page 75 of Stolen Dreams

“Emmett, no.”She shakes her head, the tears like a river going downstream, running down her face.

“My fault.”My hand in a fist, I hit myself in the middle of my chest.“It was all my fault.I grew up in foster care.Who wants to adopt a kid whose mother was a murderer, and not only that, shot her husband?I’ll tell you who, no one.Not one fucking person would want to touch me.”Lilah doesn’t say anything.Instead, she just looks at me, the look in her eyes filled with sorrow and sadness.“When I was eighteen, I went to see her, and she told me I was the poison.Me.She told me that anything I touched would be tainted.That anyone I loved would be filled with the evil that I had in me.I couldn’t do that to anyone, so I made my peace that I would die alone.Until Lucy”—I smile—“and until you.Until fucking you.”I point at her.“I fell in love with you and the only thing I could do was tell myself that you deserved better than me.You deserved to have someone who could love you with everything they had, and not someone who was so fucking broken that I didn’t even know what love was.”

She puts her hand to her mouth as a sob comes through her and I go to her, holding her face in my hands, wiping the tears with my thumbs.“Don’t cry, baby,” I say.“Not for me.”I kiss her lips.“Never for me.”I swallow the lump.“I’m sorry I sent you away.I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to tackle my demons with you by my side.”The pressure in my chest comes on full force.“I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you needed.”I kiss her one last time.“I won’t burden you anymore.”I take one more kiss from her and turn to walk out of the room to the sound of her crying.I make it to the hallway before my knees give out on me.Holding on to the wall to help support me, not seeing anything in front of me, when I feel an arm around my waist.

“I’ve got you.”I look over and see Casey there.“I’ve got you.”

“She can’t be alone,” I tell him.“She needs someone with her.”My mind worries about her and only her.“Get someone in there with her.”

We walk out of the ICU and past the waiting room that was filled not more than three hours ago when she came out of surgery, and the doctor said she was going to be fine.They forced me to go and take a shower to wash off the blood from my clothes.I left for forty-two minutes before I rushed back.Her parents were taking turns sitting with her but left when I came back.Now the only one in the room is Charlie, who springs to his feet when he sees me.“Go to her,” I tell him, and he shakes his head.“Go fucking to her.”

“I’ve got him,” Casey assures Charlie.“I have him.”He nods and rushes to Lilah’s room.

I go over and collapse in a chair.“You want to get out of here?”

“No,” I tell him, “I’m going to sit here until her parents come back.”I rub my hands over my face, feeling empty inside.“Then I’ll leave her be.”

He sits next to me not saying a word, not one word.I sit here looking straight ahead at nothing until her parents come in.“She’s waiting for you,” I tell them, getting up and nodding to them before walking out of the room and into the rain.

ChapterForty-Three

LILAH

Istare out the window from my hospital bed.I see the sun shining outside but feel like it should be raining and cloudy.It’s been two days since he walked out on me after giving me his story.Two days since my heart has felt like it was ripped out from my chest.The pillow under my face is wet from my tears that come all day long.My legs are tucked to my stomach as I stare into the distance trying not to think about him, but at the same time knowing that his voice replays in my head all day long.He is the one waiting for me in my dreams, where I’m able to hug him and tell him how much I love him.The hospital door opens, and I turn my head to the side with the hopes of it being Emmett.But just like every time before, it’s not him.It’s been everyone but him.So many fucking visitors from my parents to people from the barn, to even Sierra who rushed down here when she heard the news.The only one I want is Emmett, and the closest I got to him was Lucy, who I held on to with everything I had, wishing it was him.

“Good morning,” the nurse says.“How are we doing this morning?”

“I’m fine.”I’m not fine.I’m the opposite of fine, but no medication can help me.I’m just happy my mother finally stopped fussing over me and went away last night.I didn’t want her; I wanted Emmett.

“Let’s get your blood pressure.”She walks to the side of the bed, and I lift my arm that had the IV in it until last night when they took it out of me.She slides the brown cuff up and then presses a couple of buttons, and I feel the cuff start to fill with air.“You didn’t eat anything.”She motions to the breakfast tray that they brought in a while ago.

“I’m not very hungry.”I don’t look at her, continuing to look out the window.

“Got to keep your strength up,” she advises, taking the cuff off me.When the door opens, the doctor comes waltzing in.

“Good morning, Lilah,” he greets me, holding the chart in his hand.“How are we doing?”

“Can I go home?”I ask, and he smiles at me.

“Looks like you can go home,” he reports, “but you have to rest.”I nod.“And I’m going to give you a couple of names for some prenatal vitamins.”

I turn and sit up.“I’m sorry, what?”

The doctor looks at me, confusion on his face.“Prenatal vitamins.”He shares a look with the nurse.“You do know you’re pregnant, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry, what?”my voice repeats, going louder.

“I assumed you knew.When I came in the other day, I told you that you were both out of the woods.”

I shake my head.“I assumed that was about me and Sammy.”My voice gets even louder, and the doctor’s eyes look like they are going to come out of his sockets.

“How pregnant am I?”I put my hand on my stomach.

“About six weeks,” he says.“Congratulations.”

He turns and walks out of the room with the nurse following him.I throw the cover off myself, getting out of bed and wincing.I walk over to the chair and the bag my mother brought for me yesterday.I grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and head to the bathroom.I slip the hospital gown off me and slip one foot into my jeans, followed by the other.I’m careful not to touch where the bandage is on my side, which is wrapped all the way from the middle of my stomach to my back.Very slowly, I slide my T-shirt on, wincing with the pain but pushing through.

When I walk out of the bathroom, the hospital room door opens and Charlie comes in with Casey following him.“I heard that someone is discharged.”Charlie claps his hands together, smiling at me.

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