But is Jones the thing that brings me joy?
Without a doubt. But there’s no future, right? There will always be an expiration date with Jones. He lives in Capri, and I live in Timber Heights.
It could never work.
“I can’t say goodbye to him again. I hardly knew him before and it hurt like hell. But this time, we’ve shared too much. Gotten too close. I don’t know if I’ll survive it.”
“Who said you have to say goodbye?”
“Cols, be for real. Jones lives halfway across the world, running a full-blown company.”
“But have you talked to him?” she asks me.
“No, because we’re only supposed to be friends, remember?”
Collie rolls her eyes. “That’s the biggest load of shit and you know it. That man will never just be your friend.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Must I do everything for you?” She exhales, heading to the closet to pick out her clothes. “Read the room, Capri. Even I feel the heat between you two when you’re together. That’s rare.”
“Sexual chemistry doesn’t equate to soulmates, Collie.”
I follow her to the bedroom, plopping on the bed while she continues her lecture. As much as I act like it annoys me, I know she means well.
Collie sees the gray in things. I only see black and white. One way or another, there’s no in-between.
It’s convincing myself she’sright;that’s the hard part.
“And you wouldn’t know because you told him you could only be friends.” She smiles at me, and I realize how lucky I am to have a sister like Collie. She may not know the direction of her own life, but she studies mine and wants the best for me.
The same way I do for her.
“Fuck!” I shout, laughing at the tail end of it. “Why do men have to be so difficult?”
“Because they’re hot and they fuck us good.”
I giggle, pulling her in for a hug. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Oh, I’m most definitely right,” she exclaims. “So what are you gonna do about it, babe?”
“Baby steps, I guess.”
She smiles. “Sure. That’s a good start. Open your heart and spread your legs. That’s what I call winning.”
I toss one of the fifty shirts Collie’s thrown around her room at her head. “I’ll get right on that. Go breaks hearts, Cols.”
Her grin is full of promise. “Planning on it.”
29
CAPRI
I feelthe itch to rearrange everything.
My desk. The chairs. Circle time. All of it.
It’s the first week of school for teachers before students come back, and I’m working tirelessly to prepare my classroom for a new set of kindergarteners.