Page 19 of Samuel's Heart

“Okay, thanks,” I say, and then end the call.

My gaze falls to the glass on the counter, mostly full.

Temptation is a bitch.

If I touch the glass, I’ll probably drink it. Instead, I leave it there and walk to the front door. Before leaving, I put my shoes on and grab my car keys and wallet.

The traffic is still heavy in the city, but I’m not in a hurry to get where I’m going. I’m glad, because focusing my attention on the road will help me rein in the idea of stopping at the first pub to have a drink.

As soon as I get out of London, the traffic is less chaotic, and I relax my grip on the steering wheel. I let the calmness that comes with driving, and the landscape around me, help me find a semblance of balance.

It takes me less time than I need to reach my destination. I park the car and sit there, watching the small house, just visible from my position.

It’s not the first time I’ve come here and sat for hours, trying to get a glimpse of what’s happening inside. I never leave my car and never try to get closer.

When the door opens, and a woman with a child exits, I stop breathing and blinking. I can’t take my eyes off them. Even knowing it’s impossible, I still wait for another person to appear. I wait for his big frame to fill the door, his smile to brighten the day, and his warmth to spread until it reaches me and makes me whole again.

Instead, the door closes behind them, and the frost I’m trying to get rid of gets stronger. They are as alone as I am.

I lose sensation in my limbs, as if this coldness is spreading inside me and paralysing every single cell. All the while I watch them walk hand in hand on the pavement. Lucy is looking at Daniel, smiling at whatever the boy is saying.

Yet, I can still spot a hint of sadness in her features. The same sadness fills me at the thought of Adrian never seeing his kid growing up. Knowing he’ll never teach him how to be a good person, how to care for others, and how to help them when in need.

Heaviness fills me at the thought of Daniel not knowing his father, not knowing what a great person or friend he was.

When I lose sight of them, I leave the car and follow the same path until I can easily see the park. I watch without being seen while Daniel plays, and Lucy sits on a bench with some women. I stay there until I hear them getting ready to leave.

Slowly, I walk back to my car, still hoping to hear Adrian’s voice call me to join them, to celebrate whatever special day today is. Instead, only the swoosh of the wind keeps me company.

Instead of going home, I drive around until I’m too tired to continue, and only then do I drive back. I park the car and go up to my apartment. Once there, I lie on the sofa, closing my eyes and letting the exhaustion pull me under.

Chapter Eight

Rory

The sound of the engine running is the only sound in the vehicle.

Since Samuel picked me up this morning, the only words exchanged were our initial greetings. It’s been so long since I’ve been around people, I don’t really know what to talk about. Also, he’s not the friendliest, and I don’t think he likes to share.

I still don’t know where we are going or who we are meeting. I don’t even know what part of John is living inside this person.

Will I recognise John in him?The thought makes me uncomfortable.

What if I won’t be able to abide by the rules Samuel set for me?

I glance over at him, envisioning his reaction to me breaking the rule. I don’t see that going down well.

Why is Samuel helping me?

Yet another question that keeps buzzing inside my head, like the previous one, with no answer.

“Did you bring a change of clothes, like I said?” His voice pulls me away from my unanswered questions, to one that I’m able to answer.

“Yes, I did.” I have clothes, underwear, and socks. I also brought my laptop as I have an advert due this week.

But why did I have to bring these things with me? Is he going to tell me more?

Silence settles again, but this time, I need more.

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