Page 30 of Samuel's Heart

His endearing nickname for me always had the power to transform my day. To push the memories away and repair some of the cracks branded deep inside my heart.

I want to weep, and I want to scream until John is back here so I can ask for forgiveness, just once, then scream until I let go of my sorrow, and I’m able to make John proud of me again.

“Rory.” Samuel’s voice in my ear sends tingles down my spine again, bringing me back to the present. I turn around and I’m met with Samuel’s nose, and I’d love nothing more than to rest my head on his shoulder and cry for a while. Instead, I blink the tears away, knowing he’ll let me be weak until I’m ready to enter the place.

I’m surprised when he places his arms around me and pulls me close. I try not to let my body fully lean against his, but I take the warmth, kindness, and strength he’s so willing to share with me.

“Everything okay?” Ian asks.

“Yes, all good. Rory is feeling a bit dizzy, but all will be solved by your sure-to-be amazing food.” Samuel’s appreciation seems to quash Ian’s wariness, and he turns around to open the door and let us in.

I turn around in Samuel’s arms and take a step forward. I don’t look at the name on the sign again, but it’s stuck in my brain.

I walk in, afraid of finding more of John there, but even if this place calls to me, I don’t see anything as important as the name of the place.

“Hey Ian.” The people in the place call out, and he waves right and left, smiling at everyone and everything.

I’m glad Ian is a good person, and everyone seems to love him.

“Take a seat, boys,” he says, indicating a table in the corner, away from all the others. “This is my table,” he explains, “and no one is going to disturb you here.”

“Are you joining us?” Samuel asks before I can.

“Sure thing. Let me grab a couple of menus and tell Stacey to come and take our orders.”

“Are you okay?” Samuel asks as soon as Ian is gone.

“I’m not sure right now, but let’s talk when we get out of here.” I don’t want Ian to hear, as it’ll be like breaking the promise I made to Samuel, and there is nothing I want to happen less.

“Okay.” He seems unsure, but before he can say more, Ian is back.

I extend my hand under the table and take Samuel’s. I give it a squeeze as a thank you and for support. I don’t ask myself why I always look to him to settle my confused thoughts and feelings. But when he squeezes it back, I relax as if he flipped a switch. My mind is at ease and sure that everything that’ll happen here is meant to be. And it’s meant for me to find peace.

When Ian sits down, Samuel doesn’t waste time, and I’d love nothing more than to hug him because he does what I should be doing, but I can’t seem to think right now.

“So, you were talking about this place? It’s fantastic, by the way.”

That seems to put Ian at ease, and Samuel leans back to appear as relaxed as the other man, but I witness the flash of pain when he extends his leg under the table.

How am I going to repay him?

“I’ve been sick for a long time,” he says, and we can see in his eyes how difficult that time has been.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” both Samuel and I say at the same time.

“It’s fine now. I’ve been very lucky.”

Oh my God, is he really going to talk about John? And without me having to break the promise I made to be here talking with this man.

I open my mouth to ask, but Samuel beats me to it once again.

“Tell us more, if you don’t mind sharing.”

“Of course, I don’t. I’m so grateful for what I received that I want to share it with everyone.” His smile tells of his happiness.

“We’re more than happy to listen,” Samuel says, and leans in, focusing his full attention on Ian.

“You know what, boys? Miracles are real. They do exist, and I was lucky enough to have one for myself.”

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