Page 44 of Samuel's Heart

I’m intimidated to be sitting here with Samuel, after a week in which I’ve done nothing but think about the poor behaviour I displayed, and how I broke down in front of him.

I take a few breaths, but avoid looking at Samuel. When I’m sure my hard cock has gone down, I busy myself with giving him his croissant. To avoid another incident, I focus on my food and coffee. When we’re both done, I glance at him, only to find him already looking at me, but he avoids my eyes, instead standing up to throw everything away.

When he’s back, he sits next to me, picking up the pile of documents I moved away for breakfast.

“I met with a friend yesterday and he was able to find all this information. They couldn’t work on them, so we will have to do our own legwork.”

I nod when he looks at me. I’m ready to do everything I can to help.

“I noticed yesterday that there are some discrepancies, with places and people, so if we go through all the documents, we should be able to find the recipient.”

“Do we know what they received?”

“Lungs.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. He gave someone else a chance to breathe again. I shake my head because I can’t get caught in these kinds of thoughts, because if I do, I won’t be able to help Samuel. To help myself.

“What are these discrepancies you’ve noticed?”

“So, I looked at the name and the info provided, and I noticed that one particular person could have been a match, he’d alreadybe moved to another hospital before John arrived there,” he says, picking up a sheet and moving it closer to me.

“Couldn’t it be that they move the organs to the same hospital that person was moved to?” His eyes are on me as if I did something I’m not aware of.

“I like the way you think. It could have been a possibility, but I have already checked. The guy was discharged from the hospital and wasn’t called back in.”

“So, it must be someone else,” we say at the same time.

“Yes, it must be,” he says, as if he wants to confirm it for himself as well.

“So, what I want to do is to go through every piece of paper like I did for that name until, hopefully, we’ll be left with only one person.”

“How many names do we have left?”

“Eight. If we divide them between us, then it will take less time to go through them,” Samuel says, and it makes sense.

I nod, but uncertainty fills me. What if what’s in there is going to break me?

“I don’t want to force you to do anything. I can go through these documents myself.”

“No. I want to help. I want to do something as well.” I’m tired of crying and waiting for someone else to give me what I need.

He looks at me as if trying to determine if I’m lying to him, and I squirm a bit under his serious gaze.

“Okay. Give me a minute to sort everything out and we can start with the first two.”

I force myself to look everywhere but at him while he does what he needs to do, but I can’t stop my eyes from going back to him. His muscles shifting, the way he bites his lower lip when concentrating, his long lashes, and that strong jaw.

“Here,” he says, handing me something.

I keep looking at him, enchanted, until he waves the papers in front of my face, breaking the spell.

“Thank you,” I say, taking them from his hands.

He quickly explains how I should check the documents and then we go to work.

I don’t see John’s name anywhere and I’m happy about it. I’m not sure I would have been able to maintain my composure if what happened to him was mentioned repeatedly. I concentrate on matching the details to the night John died. I check everything because I don’t want to miss a single detail.

While I work, I drink my coffee, that has magically appeared in front of me, and I try not to look at him.

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