Page 57 of Samuel's Heart

“Wow, what an amazing story,” I hear Samuel say, and I’m glad, because I can’t talk right now.

He had a miracle, and I had a nightmare.

My throat is clogged by unshed tears brought on by the pain, but also the joy. John is here in front of me, inside this man who couldn’t live a normal life, but he’s now happy and healthy. My heart breaks at the thought of John and what he could have achieved in his life. What he gave to this person—and I assume his family—doesn’t have a price.

“I’m sorry for the person who died for me to be able to live. I’m grateful to his family for deciding to donate their organs, because without them I wouldn’t be here today, sharing my story with you.”

I take a shaky breath as tears fall from my eyes, and I stand up and walk away. I need a minute. Because right now, I want to shout to the world how proud I am of John, but that would break the rules.

“He went through a loss, and sometimes this kind of talk reminds him of that,” I hear Samuel saying to Joseph.

He nods. “It’s always hard losing someone we love.”

“Yeah,” I say, with a trembling voice. “It’s the worst pain ever.”

“I didn’t know the person I received my lungs from, but they must have been a wonderful person.”

I bite my lips not to reply to that.

“The selfless people are the best part of society. There should be more like them.”

Once again Samuel says something I wish I could articulate without getting all crazy emotional.

Fuck, I’m so proud of John, even if my heart breaks every time I remember that he’s not here with me. Doing this, going around the country trying to find any piece of him still here, it’s heartbreaking and healing at the same time.

I’ve realised that I’m slowly moving on and beginning to live again. I look at Samuel, and the feelings I once had for John are now for this man, helping me say goodbye to the man I loved.

I take a few minutes to calm myself down, and to remember John and the love we shared. Once I’ve wiped my tears away and got a hold of myself, I walk back. We all pretend nothing happened and we resume talking. Joseph, now aware of my situation, doesn’t talk about it. Instead, he talks about how his life has changed and all the things he’s able to do now.

“Thanks to this donor, I had the chance to see my younger daughter graduate.” He smiles proudly. “I was desperate, knowing I was going to die before she achieved her goal. Instead, thanks to the transplant, I was able to support and bring her to that stage of life.” He looks happy and radiant.

That brings a fresh wave of tears and a proud smile to my lips.

It’s beautiful to see, and so rewarding to witness, what giving organs does for the people lucky enough to receive one. I bask in these feelings instead of the pain of loss, and memories I once tried hard to forget come back to me.

Once he stops talking, I smile at Joseph and thank him for his story. Then I glance at Samuel and, once again, find him already looking at me. I blush like a schoolboy with his first crush, and his eyes widen in surprise. I watch in awe as his nostrils flare, as if seeing me so vulnerable has made him horny.

In my head, I slap myselfhardto push away the lusty thoughts. I bring my attention back to Joseph because I don’t want my cock to harden even more under Samuel’s attention and scrutiny.

“Thank you, guys, for letting me chat away. I rarely talk about my story, but it was good to do it for once.”

“Thank you for sharing it with us,” I say to him, and I wish I could touch him, just so I could touch John once more.

The man seems to understand because he comes closer, puts a hand in front of me, and pulls me into a side hug.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he says, and I blink tears away once again.

At his touch, something inside me settles, as if the touch was truly coming from John and not Joseph, as if my body remembers. I hug him back, and before it gets awkward, I take a step back and shake his hand.

“Thank you,” I say, hoping the meaning behind my words reaches himandJohn.

After a few more words and a goodbye, we walk away, towards the pub we are staying in.

My steps are lighter than before, and even my heart feels less broken.

Maybe, by the time I’ve said goodbye, I’ll be whole again.

Chapter Nineteen

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