Page 13 of Samuel's Heart

The first thing that pops off the page is how lonely he’s been. Neglected by his parents, and then moved to a foster home with no chance of being adopted. He never had the opportunity to find a lovely foster family. He left the place as soon as he turned sixteen and started working as a barista in a coffee shop. Everything changed for him when he met John, and they moved in together pretty quickly.

Then the happy ending morphed into tragedy when they were involved in the accident. John died just before arriving at the hospital, and he was kept hooked up to the machines until his parents agreed to donate his organs. While Rory lay in a coma for three weeks, unaware of what was happening around him.

When he regained consciousness, his first thought was to ask about what happened to John. Reaching out to his parents gave him a few hours with the police and a restraining order.

Then, his quests to the hospital to get information from them so he could say a last goodbye, to no avail.

If I hadn’t already known what had happened from him, if I hadn’t looked him in the eyes when he told me, I would have had a different impression of the person he is and was. Or maybe it’s because we had similar experiences, and he’s a better man than me, trying to find his closure.

I close the file knowing more than I did before, but recognising that a few minutes with Rory has given me more than these papers could ever do.

“How many lies did he tell you?” Aidan’s leisurely voice reminds me he’s still here.

“None,” I reply. If I wasn’t focused on him, I would have missed the flash of surprise filling his eyes, quickly cloaked by his usual cold attitude.

“So, do you want the name?” Aidan asks me, with an unreadable smile. I take a deep breath to avoid having my blood going to my head.

“Yes, I want the name.”

“Hope you’re trusting the right person, because this choice could cost you your job.”

“I’m sure.” I really am. In some incomprehensible way, I trust him.

Maybe helping Rory will help me get over my own heartache, and come to terms with my responsibility and the guilt of losing my partner.

Aidan pulls another folder out of thin air and places it in front of himself. He spends a few moments observing me, as if trying to decide if I really deserve the papers, but more than that, his trust. Then he seems to reach a decision and slides the folder towards me.

“Don’t blame me if you blow your life for a stranger.”

“I won’t. I’m old enough to live with the results of my choices,” I say to him, while taking long, calming breaths.

“Okay.” His demeanour doesn’t change, but his voice tells me how little he cares for me.

I stand, taking the folder with the name I need and leaving the other, my actions saying a big ‘fuck you’ to Aidan. I shouldn’t act like this because I want to keep the folder, but I’m tired, in pain, and pissed off. I hate his way of teasing me to see how I’ll react.

“We will discuss your problem with me another time,” I say to him, and without waiting for an answer, I walk away. Annoyed with Aidan’s bad attitude, but grateful for the info.

“I’m sorry.” His apology stops me.

“What for?” I ask, as I’m not sure where he’s going with this conversation.

“For not getting there in time to save you.” His face is once again a blank mask. Even looking with a magnifying lens, no cracks would show there.

I open my mouth to dismiss his words, as it isn’t his fault what happened to me, but he beats me to it.

“You can go now.” He dismisses me.

And the intention is gone. I turn around and walk out, but not before murmuring something for his ears only.

“Asshole.”

His rich belly laugh makes me mad and smile at the same time.

Once out, I pick up my phone to call Rory. Better start soon, so it’ll be done before I’m back to work. Before I lose my mind from the empty, boring days.

Aren’t you running from the past?

I ignore the thought. Instead, I input his phone number, but before I can press the green button, my eyes fall on the folder, and a vision of his face and address fills my mind. In a rushed decision, I put the phone back in my pocket and make my way to the Tube.

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