Page 72 of Samuel's Heart

I walk into Samuel’s arms, not worrying about what other people may think, because my need to have him wrapped around me is too strong to fight. I sigh in relief when his arms encircle me, pulling me close to him. I inhale the scent of his aftershave, and his own scent underneath invades my senses and my swirling mind. I’m finally beginning to calm down.

“I’m here until you need me.”

“I’ll always need you.”

“Then you’ll always have me.”

I raise my head until our eyes meet, and I wish I could kiss him. Instead, in this open space, with eyes upon us, I try to convey my feelings through my eyes, until he smiles and nods.

He takes the tissue I’m gripping and cleans my face with gentle and caring touches. Once he’s done, he kisses my cheek and takes a step back.

“Let’s go.”

“Yeah.” I nod again.

We turn together toward Matthew, and he’s looking at us and smiling.

“Thank you for sharing your story with us,” Samuel says.

“Thank you for letting me to listen to your heart,” I add.

He waves me off, as though he didn’t do anything special, and for him, that may be the case. But for me . . . He gave me back John and all the beautiful memories we had together. My mind is no longer full of the bad days after the accident, or the long wait and subsequent search for my chance to finally say goodbye. I have the memories of when we met, when we kissed for the first time, when he asked me to live with him. Those are the memories I want.

“Bye,” we say to him, and then walk away.

Samuel never leaves my side, and his arm stays around my shoulders until we reach the car. Once there, he opens my door and stands motionless, waiting for me to get in. I turn around to look at him, and on impulse, get closer to him.

“I love you,” I say, before planting a chaste kiss on his lips. I don’t wait for him to say anything. Instead, I turn around and enter the car. I let my body relax and the tiredness overtake me.

By the time Samuel reaches the other side of the car, I’m already asleep.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Samuel

After the encounter with the person living with John’s heart, we took some time alone.

Just Rory and me, at his house.

I helped him take care of John’s stuff, cleaning, and choosing what he wanted to keep. He thought of moving to another place, but the memories of John are no longer a curse, and for now he still wants to cherish what they had. He looks happier and healthier than before.

Our connection has deepened over the last few weeks and we’re closer than ever. We haven’t talked about our feelings, but we both know they’re there. After hearing him telling me heloved me, I couldn’t leave his side. Even if I’m not ready yet to talk openly about it, or to say it back to him.

He hasn’t mentioned it either, as if he knows I’m not ready yet to face it.

I will be soon.

Today, we’re doing what I should have done two years ago, but I didn’t have the courage to walk up to the house, knock at the door, wrap them both in my arms, and ask for forgiveness.

“Are you ready?” Rory asks, wrapping his arms around my middle and leaning in to kiss my neck.

“As ready as I can be,” I reply. But I’m not ready at all. Not knowing how they are going to react is driving me crazy and unsettling my stomach because it’s playing with my nerves. I can take down a criminal, but I can’t look Daniel and Lucy in the eyes and ask them to find mercy in their heart to free me from these chains.

The drive is a nervous one, and I can’t get my leg to stop bouncing, basically telling the world how uneasy I am right now.

What am I going to do if they send me away? If they look at me like the murderer I think I am? Will there be redemption for me?

Rory’s hand lands on my knee, stopping me from my nervous movements and infusing me with warmth, allowing me to breathe more easily.

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