Page 42 of Unmasking You

It’s all my fault, I’m aware of that, and if I were a better person, I would have left him alone. But how can I? When he looks like he’s lost. When he looks like he needs me more than I need him.

“I’ll go make breakfast. Do you want to eat in the living room?” he says without looking at me, unconsciously caressing the fingers that had connected us for a few moments.

Maybe there is a hope I don’t deserve, but I’m a bastard, and I want him more than I ever wanted anything. I want to have another shot, and I want to try my damn best to make him happy. I would spend my life trying every single day to make Jamie Wilson the happiest he’s ever been.

“No, I’d prefer to stay here,” I say, because it seems that inside this smaller room we’re kind of connecting, and I’m sure that outside, the real world would crush what we have now. “Thank you,” I say before he leaves the room, and he pauses at the door. I hope he stays, I hope he talks to me, I hope he gives me the second chance I don’t deserve but want like water in the desert.

Instead, my hopes crash to the floor when he walks out without a word.

When Jamie comes back half an hour later, he places everything on my lap and moves away.

The smell of food fills my nostrils, and my stomach growls in appreciation. I glance at him, and I love the small smile curving his lips and the red spreading across his cheeks. I thank my stomach for giving him the best compliment we could.

I look away as soon as he glances at me and focus my attention on the food he so beautifully prepared for me. The eggs are so soft that they melt in my mouth, and the mushrooms are crispy and delicious. I put two bites into my mouth in quick succession. But what’s making my mouth water more is the bacon, crispy and golden against the white plate. I try very hard to cut a piece because I want to savour it, but it keeps running away from me. I can’t really stop it from taking a walk around the plate with one hand. I let out a sigh of frustration, and I take another mushroom, but the fork disappears from my hand, and I lean back, surprised by the move.

Jamie takes the knife in his other hand and cuts a piece of bacon, bringing the fork to my mouth. I hide my surprise, trying to calm the butterflies going crazy inside my stomach because I don’t want this moment to end. Instead, I open my mouth, and a moan escapes me at the heavenly flavour hitting my tastebuds. I can’t ignore that it tastes better because Jamie cooked for me, and even more so now because he’s feeding me.

I stop breathing when a giggle fills the room, and I force the tears suddenly filling my eyes to go back where they came from. I don’t want any of my nearly uncontrollable emotions to push him away. I don’t want to lose this moment.

So without looking at him, I chew the bacon and then open my mouth, silently asking for more. My heart nearly explodes with joy when Jamie brings the fork to my mouth again and feeds me another piece.

Neither of us says anything, and I eat in a companionable silence that I hope never ends. Unfortunately, even eating as slow as a snail slides, the time for Jamie to put the knife and fork down comes too soon. I wait for him to move away, but instead he stays where he is. I don’t look at him, because he’ll move away. I want Jamie close, even if it’s only for a few more moments.

I pick the fork up and slowly finish everything that’s left on my plate.

While I finish, Jamie goes back to tidying up, and I go back to following him with my eyes, trying to take my fill of him. That’s when I notice him glancing back at me when he thinks I’m not looking. His face tells me he’s trying to find the courage to tell me something.

I don’t want to push him because it could easily be something that’ll make me sad. I glance down at my plate and stab a mushroom, and that’s the moment Jamie decides to speak.

“Is your father always…” He pauses as if looking for the right words, and what he says next pulls a snort out of me. “That charming?”

“He can be very charming, but not with me.” Never with me. I failed before I was even born.

“How was it living with him?” Jamie asks, taking a seat on the bed next to my legs.

A nightmare, a struggle, something I wish I’d never experienced.

“Tough. He’s not an easy man.”

“I always had this idea that because you came from money, you had an easy life.”

I scoff at how far from reality his words are. “My life has never been mine. I always had to be perfect, never tarnish the family name, and always be better than everyone else around me.”

“You’re old enough to make your own life.”

“I am, and I always thought when I was young that one day I would fly free. So high and so far that I could never find my way back. But life never goes how we expect it. I did things I regret, so many, and I wish I could take them back. I hurt people I cared about.” I look at him, hoping he’ll understand. “And some of the things I did can never be taken back.”

“What’s keeping you there?”

“I have people depending on me.” Jamie’s face goes dark, and I take his hand in mine, inwardly cheering when he doesn’t pull away. “I’m not talking about a lover. But the people I’m talking about are important to me, and I want to do my best to give them a future. Even if, and this may sound dramatic, I live in a prison I can’t escape.”

“I know what living in a prison looks like. I’m living in it every day. A prison created by others, and I can’t even see the bars so I can bend them to get free.”

“I’m sorry.”

He goes to pull his hand away, but I stop him. I don’t want to lose this connection we have. It feels like the last chance I’m ever going to get. He doesn’t want my sorries, and I won’t give him any more.

“How was living with your parents?”

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