Page 48 of Unmasking You

Yeah? Worse than having my stuff stolen and finding it in the bin on my way to the next class? Or my homework torn and pushed into my pockets? Or having to become well-acquainted with every surface they push me into?

I’ve tried responding, ignoring, and taking different routes, but they’re there all the time. I can’t ever seem to have a moment where I’m not subjected to their bullying.

I don’t have anyone to talk to, as my only close friend is now part of the group that bullies me. He watches—always watching—but never, not even once, has he said anything.

I don’t care what they do to me because my head is full of ideas about how to put a stop to this.

When I’m taking the Tube to go home, I ask myself how easy would it be to jump in front of the train? How liberating? Or when I’m near a window, I wonder whether it’s high enough that if I jump, I’d be dead when I hit the ground. These are my thoughts.

I live in constant fear of going to school, perpetually afraid of people finding out and having to pay bigger consequences for that.

They’re never going to stop.

Maybe today is the day that I really put an end to this—by putting an end to my life.

My mum is always so happy when I’m back from school, so proud of the boy who achieved so much to be accepted into one of the most selective colleges. She doesn’t know of the pain, the fear, and the desperation filling me every day. She doesn’t know of the bullying I endure, even at home, because they keep texting me. The messages all seem very friendly, and only I know what their words hide and what’s waiting for me the next day.

“Are you fucking listening?” Dan pushes me, and I hit the tree behind me.

I hiss in pain, but that seems to spur him on, and he pushes me again and again until my head bangs on the tree trunk with a loud thud. I raise my hand to push him away, but two of them take my arms and bend them backward.

“Let me go.” The more I struggle, the more they pull my arms backwards, pressing my back against the tree. Fear of my arms breaking makes me stop struggling.

“Shut your mouth,” Dan says, his face so close to mine I’m afraid he’ll bite me.

I close my eyes to keep myself from crying, but that seems to anger him even more. I actually think that everything I do makes Dan and the others angry. The only one who seems unaffected is Shane.

“I think Povo needs a bath. What do you think?”

“Oh, yeah. He fucking smells,” Tom says.

“I can’t even stand to be near him,” Toby is happy to add.

“No,” I say while trying to drag my feet, but not finding any grip. “Please don’t.” And this time, I can’t keep my tears inside, and they fall free, making them laugh.

Once they’re next to the small pond, Tom and Toby still keeping my hands behind my back, someone else pushes me so violently that I couldn’t stand even if I wanted to.

I fall face first into the water, and I struggle to free my arms, and panic when they don’t release me. Then I’m free, and I fight to pull my head out of the water.

I scramble to get up, ready to run away, but they’re already walking towards the building. Only Shane is still standing in the same spot, but this time, he’s looking in my direction.

I’m not sure why I walk to where he’s standing. My shoes are making squeaky sounds, and water drips on the ground as if I just had a shower. “Shane?” I call, hoping he’ll do something, anything, to make me feel safe. I grip his jacket so he doesn’t leave me here, alone and afraid. Hope is still making me do idiotic things that I’m going to regret.

He turns around, making me lose my grip on his clothes, as if bitten by a snake. “I told you not to touch me.” Only his hard face, straight mouth, and the fear of repercussions push me to back away. But he’s still not happy and he pushes me, but I don’t fall.

I stand there watching his retreating form, and it’s at that moment I finally understand.

I’m alone.

Chapter 16

Shane

Ten Years Ago

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I want to punch him so fucking much. Each one of them.

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