Page 88 of Sunshine

Like he still doesn’t believe he could deserve this. Deserveme.

“I don’t care what my mother says, Wells.” I press my hand to his chest, right over his heart. “You know that. She doesn’t know you like I do. She doesn’t know that you’re where I feel most like myself. Where I’m most at ease.”

“I can’t give you the life you may have had with Jason,” he says carefully. “I already told you, the ranch is where I belong. I’m not going back to school.”

I nod. “I know. That doesn’t matter to me. Jason is the one who made success so specific.”

Wells expels a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. “For what it’s worth, that shit never sat right with me, Layla. His dreams were so big and important and . . .” He looks at me with a soft earnestness. “My dreams were always of you. It’s what scares me the most, that it’ll tear me apart when you go.”

I stare at him until my eyes burn. Until a tear rolls down my cheek. He watches it trail down my face, his expression crestfallen. I turn back to the counter, pulling two plates toward the stove. “It’s just a few months,” I say. “I’ll be back by summer.”

I don’t admit that I’m terrified to leave him, too. That he’s already obliterated my heart.

“Come here,” he murmurs as he gently pulls on my elbow, tethering me back into his chest. He turns us so that I’m backed against the island, and then he lifts me onto it, positioning himself between my legs. At this height we’re eye level, and his are determined. “Promise me that when you leave, you do whatever you need to make yourself happy,” he says, cupping my face. “Have fun, enjoy your friends . . . Promise me that you’ll be selfish, and don’t worry about anything or anyone else.”

My chest squeezes so tight, I think it might burst. “I promise,” I whisper.

He watches my mouth as I say the words. “Good.” He nods. “But until you go, you’remine, sunshine.” His hand moves to the back of my head as he pulls me in for a scorching kiss. I wind my fingers through his hair, memorizing the way he feels against me, the warmth he pours into me.

It doesn’t take long before he’s unzipping my jeans and reaching in, finding me wet enough to be embarrassed—but I’m not. Not with him. I yank on his belt loops until his hips are right between my thighs, making quick work of his button and zipper until I can feel his need heavy in my hands.

Soon he presses into me, and it feels like free falling. Like we’ve climbed to the top of the highest canyon and jumped off the edge with no regard for what comes next. Nothing matters except for the beat of our hearts and the feel of him moving inside of me as we chase the high that only this will bring. And when I come in a furious white-hot ecstasy that robs me of my breath, he sputters his release inside of me shortly after, and the truth crashes through me like a hurricane.

I love him.

I love him more than I’ve ever loved anything in my whole life.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIX

NOW

The next day, we get up before sunrise.

Wells wants to take me on a long horseback ride, something I haven’t done in years. Champ whinnies from his stall when he sees me, nuzzling his long nose against my shoulder, and I laugh. There’s a sense of gratification in knowing that, even after all this time, he still remembers me.

We ride fifteen miles to Wells’s secret spot by the river, draped by the trees that hide us from the rest of the world. As the horses get their fill of the cool water, he kisses me long and slow against a wide tree. He does a good job of not showing his panic, but I know it’s there. I feel it in the way he licks into my mouth, savoring every taste. In the way his fingerprints mark my face and neck.

I do everything I can to stay present, trying not to let my impending departure ruin any second of our time together—but it’s almost impossible. In twenty-four hours, I’ll be over a thousand miles away, trying to sort through the mess of my life.And Wells will be here, on this ranch that I love so much, forcing himself to give me the space that I’ve asked him for. That we both know we need.

Soon, we make the trek back, both of us near silent the whole ride home. By the end of it, my legs are sore and my knees ache, but there’s an immeasurable contentment that I intend to hold on to for as long as possible. I kiss Champ on the nose before turning him back into his stall to rest, and my eyes well with tears as I walk back out of the barn and wait for Wells to finish turning in Lady.

He follows me to my house in his truck so I can return Barry’s car and grab my suitcase—I packed it before I left yesterday. I tell Wells to wait before I run inside to find Annie.

Her eyes catch mine over the book she’s reading, and she tosses it onto her nightstand. “You leave tomorrow,” she says matter-of-factly.

I nod, forcing a watery smile. “Yeah.”

She gets up from her bed and throws her arms around me. “Will you call me every day?” she asks. She must be able to sense that I’m not staying here tonight, and it makes me sad that things are so broken between me and Mom.

I kiss the top of her head and squeeze her to me. “I promise I will,” I say. “I love you so much.”

I find Barry in his home office and thank him for letting me borrow his car before heading out the door, not bothering to look back.

Back at the cabin, Wells sears two steaks in a cast-iron pan as I roast potatoes and green beans in the oven, and we eat under a blanket in the bed of his truck beneath the stars, drinking from an old bottle of wine he found in the cupboard.

As I lean back against him, I try to ease my racing heart.It feels like everything is closing in, like the sky might fall on top of me and swallow me whole. It isn’t long before my breaths saw out of me and the edges of my vision begin to blur.

Wells notices immediately and pushes our plates to the side. “Breathe, Layla,” he orders gently, pulling me into his lap to face him, and I’m transported right back to that dark night only weeks ago when my entire world tilted on its axis for the second time in a matter of days. I try to fill my lungs with air, but my brain is moving too fast.

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