Page 22 of Love at a 7-Eleven

"I'll work on it for the few days. I have some ideas for it. You're going to like the song I have in mind."

"Thanks, Bailey."

"Ooh Bai-ley, how official."

Caleb knew what she was referring to, and he played dumb. "What do you mean?" he said.

"You usually call me Bai."

Caleb had grown accustomed to shortening her name, but it didn't feel right coming out of his mouth now that he had these new feelings. He laughed it off. "Thank you for working on those videos."

"It's my pleasure," she said. "Like I said, looks good. You look like you're having fun." She sighed. "I should have come on this trip with you. Kathy's sick and letting me work from home this week, so I've been at your house working."

"Aw, I'm sorry Kathy's sick." he said, avoiding the other comment.

"It's her knee. I shouldn't have said she was sick. Anyway, there's no point in us being at the office if she's not there, so she told me to work from home. I've been working from your place so I can get that editing done. Anyway, I could have just come with you. That would have been fun. What are you and Marcus doing tonight?"

"We're just getting back from the gym. We'll probably just chill and eat dinner here tonight."

He paused, and during that pause, he was painfully aware of the fact that he would normally be asking her what she had planned. Not only did he not want to ask her that, but he was annoyed that she wanted to know what he was doing.

Caleb was already conflicted about talking to Bailey and hearing her voice only made it worse. The whole conversation felt unsettling for him. He did not want to imagine how Bailey would react to the news that he was interested in someone. Her emotions would not be okay from this, and Caleb knew it. He had told Bailey to her face that he didn't want her or any woman romantically.

He went to his history lesson with Lila that evening, and that only reassured him again. They spent five hours together, and they didn't part ways until well past midnight. It was impossible not to love Lila. Caleb tried to have neutral feelings for her, but it just wouldn't happen. His heart was drawn to her. He felt like he was created to be near her.

She recounted historical facts to him, and he understood her with half of his brain while the other half was preoccupied with other things. He loved the way her mouth moved when she spoke. He loved her smile. There was a reaction in his chest when Lila smiled. She was smart and a good teacher, too, and he thought the way she explained things was charming and adorable. He was glad she didn't want to become a teacher because all of her students would have gigantic crushes on her. Caleb did. He was in love with her.Was that even possible?

Caleb thought love was an entirely reasonable thing to call what he felt.

It was 3am when he made it back to Marcus's house.

Caleb only got a few hours of sleep that night. He was restless and full of anxiety, and what little sleep he did get was full of dark, tortured dreams. He woke up sweating more than once, and then he woke up for good at 7am and went straight to praying. Caleb had a positively unsettled feeling, and he didn't know what it meant. He reasoned with himself to go to the Bible for help. Caleb was confused and frustrated as he navigated the remnants of a panic attack. There was unwanted adrenaline coursing through his body. He reached for his Bible and went to the page that was marked. He was reading in the book of Acts and he went to chapter nine where he had left off.

He loved the story of Saul's conversion, and he had been looking forward to reading this since he finished yesterday.

The verse that seemed to jump off of the page was Acts 9:9.

And he was three days without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

The verse was talking about Saul. He had gone blind on the road to Damascus when he encountered Jesus. Caleb read it three times, and he realized that Saul chose the hunger. He was temporarily blinded, and that wasn't by choice. But the verse said that he was without sight and he neither ate nor drank.

God didn't close Saul's mouth or cause him not to eat. The verse doesn't say that. The fasting seemed to be Saul's choice. He might have been overwhelmed by the blindness or by seeing Jesus. The whole experience was probably enough to make a guy feel like he wanted to skip a few meals.

But the verse spoke to Caleb. Saul had brought the hunger onto himself. Caleb had read this passage before, and that had never hit him.

It was odd how that verse applied in Caleb's heart. He knew that God didn't require a life of celibacy from him. It was written that some men would not marry, but as for Caleb, he no longer felt like he was one of those men.

Part of the reason he said that was because he didn't have feelings for any of the women in his life. But that had changed. He had feelings now, and he didn’t regret it.

The confusion and division he felt in his heart had lessened considerably. Somehow, Saul's story touched him and made him feel assured that God did not want him to feel bad about loving Lila. The things of the Spirit were like that. It was unbelievable that the ancient text could penetrate one's heart in such a way.

He finished that chapter and the next before putting his Bible away.

Caleb knew that he had to talk to Bailey. He also had to talk to Lila and tell her about Bailey. There was also the key bit of information that he did not live in Chicago. In a few days, he would be going back to the state where Bailey lived and where Lila did not live.

Bailey had a huge role in his life, and he felt sad at the thought of not having her around, but his feelings for Lila were different. It felt like if Lila wasn't a part of his life, he wouldn't be able to breathe. Her presence now somehow felt essential. Every part of telling Bailey was going to be difficult, though. He had to be certain that Lila felt the same way about him before he did anything.

It was ten o'clock that evening when he saw her again. It had been a long day and he was exhausted from the rough night's sleep. By the time he met with her, he had all day to think about what he was going to say. He had a whole plan about how to bring it up and how to explain to her that there had never been anything but friendship between him and Bailey.

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