He touched my cheek with his finger, urging me to look at him. I glanced that way, and my eyes met his.
"I'm sorry, but I’m going to fix it. Just please talk to me and let me explain. I know we can work it out if I can explain it right."
"You already did. You have a woman in California who works with you and who loves you, right?"
"Yes, but I don'thaveher. The other things are true, but I don’t have a woman. She's not mine. If I did, I wouldn't be here with you. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry it came out all wrong, and I'm sorry we're in this position in the first place, but would you please come back to the table with me?" He walked with my hand in his, heading back into the restaurant. I went with him.
Chapter 10
Caleb
"I brought your pie and fries, but I was watching it because I didn't know when you'd be back."
It was their server who said it, and Caleb looked over his shoulder and thanked her even though the food was no longer a priority. Lila was upset, and seeing it was like a crushing weight on his chest. He couldn't wait to clear the air and explain everything to her. He had caused her pain, and it was the last thing he wanted to do.
She looked at him like she was not-so-patiently waiting for him to speak. She blinked, and he could see the pain and disappointment in her eyes. It made his heart ache. He wanted this hurdle to just disappear. But there was no way to make that happen.
"I have never felt this way about anyone," he said, being honest. "I dated women when I was younger, and even then, nothing was ever like this feeling, Lila. If you don’t hear me say anything else, hear that. You are different to me. The way my heart reacts to you is not the way it reacts to anyone else." He stared at her, speaking the truth, even though it felt like it wasn't enough. "These last few days have been insane for me with all the new feelings."
"Me too. I'm having feelings too, Caleb."
"Well, good. I want you to have feelings. I knew we were both feeling things. That's why we need to talk right now instead of rushing off."
"You already said what you need to say. There's someone in your life."
"Yeah, but she's notinmy life. Not in that way."
"But it's in some type of way, Caleb. It's enough that we're not talking about history right now. There are complications. There's someone in your life and no one in mine. You lied, and I didn't."
"She's not in my life. I mean, she is, but it's not like what you're saying."
He hesitated and she shook her head. "It's too complicated, Caleb. This news is really changing things."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't expect to meet you, Lila. And I certainly didn't expect to feel this way about you."
"Yeah, but you did, Caleb, and after that, you lied. You told me there was no one else."
"There is no one. No one like you."
"Don't. Let's just take a step back."
"No. I mean it. She's been my best friend for five years, and I'm willing to…" he couldn't even finish the sentence. He didn't know what he was willing to do.Leave Bailey? Leave California?At the moment, those things seemed reasonable to him. Then he remembered how tangled his roots were there. His family was there, and so many people he had networked with for his work.
"She helps me with everything," he said honestly. "She's just so tied in with my work. It's going to take some steps to figure things out, logistically."
"That's fine, but she also loves you. That's what I'm concerned with. I don't do drama."
"I-I honestly thought she would get tired of waiting for me and fall in love with someone, but she… I never dreamed I would be the one who found someone." He breathed a sigh. "Yes, I have a few issues—a little drama that I'm not creating. But I really want to figure this out. Please. I'm begging you to stick with me through this." He swallowed. His mouth was dry and his heart was pounding. His palms were sweaty. She stared blankly at him—no smile, no expression.
"I'm sure everything you said just now was great, Caleb. I think it was probably heartfelt and everything. But the words that kept replaying in my mind were that she's your best friend and she helps you with everything. I also heard you say that she loves you. I'm sorry, but I have feelings and it hurts them to hear those things."
"I'm so sorry, Lila. I don't want to hurt your feelings. It's the last thing I want to do."
She blinked at him. Her eyes were glossy. He could tell she was feeling emotional, but she was being stoic about it, and it broke his heart.
"How would you feel if I was telling you this same thing right now?"
Caleb started to tell her that he would try to understand, and then he thought about the question. He took a second to put himself in her shoes. He imagined Lila telling him that there was a man in her life who was in love with her.