Page 19 of It Started With a Scarf

"Was the baseball player the one who came in today?" Deb asked.

"No, I think it was the other one," Patrick said.

They searched for him on the internet and passed around a phone so that everyone could see who Mitzy had fallen in love with.

I glanced at the photograph long enough to realize I knew the guy. I had met him before. I thought he might have been a customer at… nope, it was the restaurant. I had sat at a table with this guy. He was sweet and handsome, and I knew him. I even remembered Dominic being his name. But I didn't flinch at the phone. I stared at the photo for a second or two with that same smile I'd been wearing all day, and then I passed the phone to the next person at the table, who happened to be Nessa.

I got through the rest of the meal with a peaceful half-smile that was, one hundred percent, fake. Joan's kids hated me, and I had lost the scarf. I didn't work up the nerve to tell Nessa about it that day. I just couldn't do it. It was Thanksgiving, after all.

She and Frank spent the night in Chicago, and they came to my store the following day. I took a lunch break with them, and we went to a little café near my work. Frank was standing in line at another nearby store with some things they had purchased, but Nessa came to meet me at the restaurant. She and I sat down next to each other at a small table.

"Are you guys busy today with all the black Friday shoppers?" she asked.

"Not really. We were busy for our store, but it's nothing like I used to experience at my other job."

"Are you all right, Marley? I noticed you seem like you're thinking about something, baby."

"I am not okay, Nessa, but I can't even think about it without…"

I felt a hot rush of tears come to my eyes. I imagined the scarf, and my eyes stung instantly. I knew I was going to cry, and I had to get up.

"I’m going to the restroom."

"What's the matter Mar?"

My feet and back were hurting. It had been a long morning at work, and I was already on the verge of tears after yesterday. They flooded my eyes, hot tears, and I blinked at her, knowing I couldn't stand up and cross the restaurant in that condition. Instead, I sat back down and discreetly covered my face, smiling at her with blurry vision. "I'm sor-ry," I whispered.

"Don't be sorry," she said quietly. "What's the matter, baby?"

"I lost the scarf, Nessa."

I barely got the words out in a strained whisper. I was trying my best not to cause a scene, and she leaned in and took me into her arms.

"It's okayyy," she whispered softly. "It's all right, Mar-Mar. That's no big deal."

"It's not okay, Nes-sa. It is a big deal. It's not even like I lost it doing something go-o-od, I just lost it on a bus. A city bus. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry, baby, it's just a scarf. I'd rather you not have to ride the bus, though. When are you getting that car?"

I took a deep, calming breath, trying to stop the tears. I wiped my eyes. "I'm trying to make it happen when I'm home at Christmas. We'll see. I enjoy having no insurance and gas, so I'm not really pushing for it. I've been getting rides with co-workers, and that helps. Once I get a car, I'll have to figure out parking." I sniffed. "Nessa I'm just not going to talk about the scarf when Pa gets here. I’m too torn up about it. I’m mad at myself. It happened over a week ago, and I just can't let it go."

"Marley Jane, please. I am not concerned with that. It was a piece of cotton. It's not important. There is nothing you can do about the past."

I sighed and leaned into her. No one was paying attention to us, and I didn't care if they were. "Nessa, I'm having a hard time. I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm just… I don't know what it is. I think it's anxiety, but it's physical. I haven't been feeling so good."

"Well, I certainly hope it's not about the scarf, baby. That thing is a piece of fabric, like I said. Everything's replaceable. When you have thoughts of anxiety, you take them into captivity like Paul told the Corinthians, baby. You have the ability and the responsibility to do that. Have you been in the Word?"

"Yes, ma'am, but it's hard. The scarf is not replaceable. Mariam doesn't even knit anymore."

"Marley, listen to me. I'll get you another one just like it."

"It's not even just the scarf. I'm just going through it for the last week, Nessa. I'm having a hard time—not hungry or anything. Theoretically, I know you're not upset and that the scarf's not that big of a deal, but I just got wrecked about it for some reason. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I spoke quietly and quickly trying to keep it together.

She rubbed my shoulder. "Sometimes we go through these things."

"It shouldn't even be this big of a deal." I wiped my eyes trying to get it together. "I don't want you to worry about me, Nessa."

"Oh, I'm not, honey. This is the stuff of life. You're strong, and you'll find your way through it. Frank would give you a hearty pat on the back and say it's good… builds character."

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