Page 18 of Danger

“This is going to be the longest season ever.”

* * *

Back in my room,I think of what Monterey said about once again cleaning up my mess. I didn’t mean to swing on Cole, but I did however fully mean it with every ounce of my being to swing on Thad.

I can’t let my anger get the best of me. If I do, then I’m no better than him.

I raid the minibar, looking for all the alcohol, because I’m going to need it tonight. I hate that I let Luther and Monterey down once again.

It’s in my nature I guess. To be a complete fuck up.

I don’t know how else to be.

I don’t think.

I react.

Thinking is for people like Monterey, not for people like me.

I grab the bourbon bottle first, and swallow it whole. They’re little bottles and I wish I had a big ol’ handle to drown out the chaos thrashing around in my head. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember.

I drink more bottles, going through the whole stash and feel nothing. None of the alcohol can erase years and years of pain. Not the kind of pain I have.

Not the kind that follows you around everywhere you go even though you’ve done everything in your power to leave it behind. Not only leave it. I’ve buried those demons, but that’s the thing. You can never forget the past, only move on from it.

It’s ok though. I have one thing going right in my life and I’m about to screw it all up.

Why can’t I be like Thad? Well, I know the answer to that one. Because I’m not a pussy. But it would be so much easier if I could follow the rules. Do what Luther and Monterey expect of me.

I grab my phone, needing to call the one person who can always set my shit straight, but before I can dial Kav’s number, the phone blinks with an incoming call.

Monterey.

“Hello,” I slur into the phone.

“I’m just checking on you, making sure you’re ok.”

Maybe I do feel a bit of the effects of the liquor because all of a sudden I no longer need to quiet the stir of madness deep inside me, instead I need to draw Monterey into it. “I’d be better if you were here.”

She doesn’t answer right away and I have to check the screen to make sure I didn’t drop the call. “Danger, get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

“I’d sleep better if you were here.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Who me? No, I’m just thinking about you while stroking my hard shaft in my hand.” I think I went too far.

“You better be talking about a drive shaft.”

“Yes. Driving. Riding. My hard shaft.”

She hangs up on me, and I realize Ididgo too far. I wasn’t lying when I told her I’d sleep better with her in my bed. Since the moment I first heard her voice tonight on the phone my head no longer spun.

In fact, since the moment we left LA my mind has been silent. I don’t know what that means, but I know I don’t really want to find out either.

In my life pussy, alcohol, and drugs are the only things that usually calm the mayhem of my life. Never has one woman been able to do that. Especially not one I haven’t even fucked yet.

I blink. Did I really just think that?

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