Page 72 of Danger

I prop myself up on an elbow. “Seriously?”

He shrugs, his dark eyes meeting mine. “I almost feel like I want to get so close to death, just to see what it’s like. If it’ll capture me or spit me back out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever wondered if your life has any meaning? Like if you weren’t supposed to die a long time ago. It’s hard to explain.”

I don’t say anything, but just lean back down, resting my head on his chest.

He continues, “Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve to live.”

“Oh, Dylan, how can you even think that?”

He holds me tighter, like the mere thoughts he’s having are too big for him to contain alone. “I let people down. I should have done better. My whole life I’ve never done anything I could be proud of.”

Now it’s time for me to hold him. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It’s true.”

“You punched Thad in the face. You should be proud of that.”

He laughs and kisses the top of my forehead once more. “I like this.”

“Like what?”

“This. Laying here with you. Laughing.”

I press my lips against his ribcage. “I like this too.”

We’re silent for a while, and Danger’s breathing has evened out. I wish I knew something about his life. A bad upbringing doesn’t label a person. It’s the way a person overcomes after a speed bump that defines them. And Danger is a fighter. No one can convince me otherwise.

He said he had let people down in the past. Has he ever had someone fight for him?

* * *

The next fewdays pass in a blurred frenzy of never ending activity. Danger wins the race easily, and already we’re driving to the next city.

Each tour brings new possibilities. And I remember a time when Thad and I would travel from race to race together. Most of the time I traveled with my father because Thad needed to focus.

And it was never like this. It was never this freeing between Thad and I like it is with Danger and me.

Danger makes me feel like an equal. Like I belong. I can see now Thad never made me feel that way. I’m glad now that Thad cheated on me. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I went through with that relationship.

I gaze at Danger while he drives. It’s becoming one of my most favorite things to do. The way the sunlight plays off his dark hair. I study his profile. His strong jawline. The barely there stubble that grows if he goes a few days without shaving.

Most times he doesn’t even realize I’m watching him. And I like watching him when he’s lost in thought. When he’s focused on the road and tugging at his eyebrow with his left hand.

It brings me back to when I was younger. Watching my mother as she busily tried to handle the chaos of her life around her. Being married to a driving tycoon sometimes made it hard on my mom. She didn’t like fast cars. And she hated fast men even more. She left my father when I was only five years old. And I lived with her for a few years. All the way up until the time she was diagnosed with cancer.

I’d watch her. Always watching, learning, studying the woman who raised me. The woman who loved me more than anything. When we lost her I wasn’t ready for it. Nearly eight years old, I couldn’t comprehend why my mother was called from this earth. And I hated everyone for the fact that she left.

I can understand the pain Danger’s going through with losing a parent. A mother. It’s one of those things that you never fully recover from. Sure, my father tried to replace my mother at first, but after a while he stopped. He let me grow up the way he felt I needed. And I don’t blame my father for any of it. I love my life.

I love racing.

I wouldn’t change who I am.

It makes me even more curious of Danger.

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