Page 75 of Danger

“Yes.”

“Actually, on second thought, I’ll do it.”

* * *

Once we arrive in Portland,Oregon, it’s late and I’m too tired to even make it up to our hotel room. Monterey deserves an explanation about Ricky Moore. How this motherfucker apparently knows me. I guess she deserves to know my story, but how can I ever tell her that? How can I tell her the horror which is my life?

“Monterey,” I say once she steps out of the bathroom. She’s dressed in yoga pants and a white tee, and I swear she’s never looked more gorgeous. “I’m sorry for being so cold earlier. For yelling at you. For all of it.”

She lays down in the bed beside me. “It’s ok. I know there’s things in your past you don’t want to talk about.”

I sigh, sitting up against the bed frame. “Yeah.”

She smiles as she snuggles up closer. “Dylan, it’s really ok. You don’t need to tell me anything.”

I love how cool she’s being. She’s giving me an out, and I should take it. I shouldn’t open up to her. But, a small part of me wants to—needs to.

“I didn’t have the best father growing up. He wasn’t a role model by any means. He was abusive to my mother.”

“I’m so sorry.” Monterey’s hand touches mine and it grounds me a little more. “Did he ever beat you, too?”

“No. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

She listens, waiting for me to continue.

“Everyday I wanted that asshole to notice me. And then the one night he did, it turned out to be a huge mistake.”

She gazes up at me as I stroke her hair. I can’t tell her anymore, even though it almost feels freeing to tell her everything.

“Did your mother ever get away from your dad? Is it why you left home?” she asks me.

The guilt of my life hangs heavy in my chest. “Yes. We both left.”

She smiles. “I’m glad.” She cuddles into me, and I wrap both arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

I don’t have the heart to tell her how my mother and I escaped our lives. How bad my father really was. And how everyday I fear I may turn out to be just like him.

But, can anyone really turn into a monster?

Is it possible to have joy when your heart is dead?

I kiss the top of her head again. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.” And it’s not a lie. Iamso glad she’s here with me.

I sleep better when she’s near. But I can’t think about sleep right now. I can’t think about anything but showing this woman how much her tenderness means to me right now. How grateful I am she’s comforting me.

Even though I was an asshole earlier, I need to show her that that’s not the real me.

I trail kisses down her face, attempting to let her know she means so much.

“Your vulnerability turns me on,” she says, turning in bed to face me.

I just stare into her eyes, knowing that I don’t know if I can let her go at the end of the season. I don’t know if I can ever let this woman go.

I lean in, claiming her lips, tasting her against my own mouth.

She lays back, and I crawl on top of her, staring down into her beautiful eyes. “I need to be inside you,” I tell her, my body hardening the longer I stare.

She answers me with a kiss, and I let it overtake me. I let it tell me everything will be ok. I’m left believing that anything this woman does will make me happy.

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