Page 92 of Danger

He smiles, but it isn’t one of happiness. I can see all the pain and hurt he’s had to deal with for years. “Want to grab some coffee?” He jabs his thumb over his shoulder, pointing to a coffee shop not more than a block away.

I nod and fall in step beside him.

We get to the coffee shop and find a booth hidden in a corner at the back of the place. We order from the server, and just utter a few nonchalant pleasantries to each other.

I pour a little cream into my mug, stirring with the thin black stick, waiting for Danger to speak first.

He does the same, fixing his coffee the way he likes it. Two sugars, no cream. He sucks in a deep breath, his eyes glancing up to meet mine. “I don’t like the pity. I see it there sometimes when people know the truth. It makes me feel like I should have figured out what my father was before. It makes me feel like I should have protected my mother more. Like I’m a walking disaster.”

Tears well in my eyes, my heart cracking a little more for this man before me.

His father failed at his attempt to bend his beautiful spirit, and now he’s standing in front of me defending himself. And at the same time he looks so vulnerable.

“You’re not a failure, Dylan. You were just a kid.”

He shakes his head, like I could never understand his past. And yes, I’ll never fully understand what it was like to grow up the way he did, doesn’t mean I won’t be here for him. “I plan on racing. So you and your dad can calm down.”

“Dylan, that’s not even anything I’m worried about right now. I want to help you. I want to be the person to help you deal with all this pain.”

“Pain? What do you know about pain?”

“More than you think.” I grab his hand from across the table. “Sure, maybe I don’t know about your pain. I lost my mother, too. And I know what that void feels like.”

His eyes don’t meet mine. “Monterey, you’re too good for me.”

“What?” I almost laugh at his statement. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t try to understand my pain, because you never will. Each person in this world has their own pain to bear. And I don’t need you to help me bear mine.”

He needs to understand this is what a real couple is all about. Leaning on each other to find support, compassion, and above all, love.

“Well, I’d still like to try.”

He laughs, but there’s no humor there. “I don’t think you can.”

“Dylan, you don’t owe me anything. But I kind of thought what we had was real.”

He laughs again. One short burst of laughter with absolutely no humor underneath. “Real? Of course it wasn’t real, Monterey.”

Tears threaten to fall, but I lift my chin up, not wanting him to see me cry. I’m the silly girl who fell for him, who trusted him. He doesn’t think what we had was real, but I sure do. Every touch. Every kiss. Every word whispered in the dark, all of it,was real to me.

It still is.

I love him.

“Well, I want it to be.”

He shakes his head, his eyes, for the first time since we sat down, meet mine. There’s so much pain there, so much sadness. “Well, I don’t.” He stands, tossing some bills from his wallet onto the table and then I watch him as he walks away.

And I’m rooted to my spot. I don’t chase after him, although every cell in my entire body wants me to rush out the glass doors and call to him. Beg him to love me.

But, I know that’s not how life works.

I won’t beg someone to love me if they don’t.

That’s not real. I just have to face the fact that we aren’t meant to be with each other, even though I think we’re a perfect fit.

Even though I can’t imagine my life with anyone else.

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