Page 122 of Sinfully Savage Mafia

An EMT looks at me. Two more are already in the back of the ambulance. She takes one look at my face, motions for me to sit, and I strap in as she slams the door.

They’re hooking Matteo up to the monitors, calling things out to each other in words I don’t understand.

I want to hold him, but I can’t.

I sit and lurch in the seat as we careen through the streets, sirens blaring. NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital is our destination, and I keep whispering for him to be okay.

I want to shake him. I want to pray.

There’s such a fine line between love and hate.

I’m so angry at him and my father and Conor, so fed up with the deceit. But this is Matteo. I need to be strong for him. I can’t think about how I failed to save someone.

Again.

I love him.

So much.

But, my God, I’m furious at him. He betrayed me and my family. He lied. He crushed me, shredding my heart and soul in the process.

A chill slips down my back and fear and anger knot my gut.

No, what did my father say? It’s not my fault.

And this? I’m no good to Matteo if I beat myself up. He’s going to be okay. He has to be, because I’m going to punish that motherfucker. We’re married, and for whatever reasons it started, for whatever his lies are, he said he loves me.

He dove in front of a bullet, and he needs to make it all up to me for the rest of his life because he’s lifted me up and out of the darkness, given me real purpose.

He filled the holes in my heart and soul, showing me what my life could be if I opened up to the possibilities.

That’s what I cling to now as the ambulance speeds around the driveway in front of the Emergency Room.

The possibilities.

There are so many.

But only if he’s by my side.

CHAPTER30

HEAVEN

Ipace the waiting room at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, glancing into the corner where Roman is huddled against the wall with his phone to his ear. I know he’s calling the rest of his family.

Sergio stands over by a window, a vacant stare in his eyes. I walk toward him, not wanting to speak a word. But somehow being with Matteo’s brother makes me feel closer to him. It seems silly but comforting at the same time.

“Did he tell you about Joey?” Sergio asks in a tired voice.

“Your cousin?” I hesitate before answering. “Yes, he mentioned him.”

“He blames himself for fucking up, which he did. You didn’t know him then. Wild, out of control. He didn’t do his duty, and Joey died. Don’t get me wrong, he loved our cousin, but he was young and reckless and because of that, he sees it as him signing Joey’s death warrant. It made him a harder, stronger man. A leader. Losing you? I think it would have destroyed him.”

He told me he loved me.

But I just stay quiet.

“I’ve never seen Matteo like he was today. He was desperate to get to you, Heaven. He’d have never let anything happen to you, I want you to know that. What you heard, what he did…this is our world, and he fell for you. Matty isn’t that man. But you turned him inside out. And he was ready to go after Dominguez to make sure you stayed safe.”

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