Page 133 of Sinfully Savage Mafia

She draws a pattern on the stiff, crisp white sheet that covers me. Not on me, but the part next to me, like she wants to touch, but isn’t sure she should. “Is love worth it if you die?”

“I did it to save you.”

Her eyes are filled with fury. “It’s a big empty gesture, Matteo. And I have no use for that. I’m pretty much done with my quota for bullshit.”

I swallow. “It isn’t bullshit. I didn’t realize how I felt. I didn’t…” I take in a breath. “I’m not made for love, but I do love you.”

Heaven doesn’t say a word and the fury doesn’t fade.

“If I could change things, I would. I wanted to protect you, not put you in danger, and that’s what me falling for you did. Put you in harm’s way.”

She nods, frowning. “I hated you a few hours ago.”

“What about now? Do you still hate me?”

“It’s complicated.” Heaven sighs softly and the sound is bittersweet, something I know I’ll carry with me the rest of my days. “Yes. No. I love you, too. I think that’s why I got so upset because I thought there was something between us. And then seeing you, shot, for me. It hit home how much I love you.”

Heaven meets my gaze and holds it.

She’s waiting for something from me, and I’m not sure what it is. “I put you in danger. Loving you risks your life.”

“I took out the threat.”

“There’ll be others, and you’re not a woman who’ll stay in the shadows, who’ll sit at home as?—”

“A good fucking wife?”

I wince. “Yeah. But I don’t want you to do that, either. What I want is for you to be happy.”

“And if that’s with you?”

“Happiness isn’t worth shit if you’re dead, Heaven.”

“What are you saying?”

What am I saying? I’m not sure. Here she is, the woman I love more than I’ve loved anything before. She’s my heart, the spark, my life. And I’m her biggest danger. I don’t deserve her. “I should have died.”

Her lips press together. “Really?”

“You know you’d be better off without me.”

“Oh, do I?”

She has that look, the one where she could murder with her bare hands, and my heart skips a beat. She’s fucking spectacular. “Do you trust me, Heaven?”

“That’s a loaded, question, Matteo. I don’t know. Trust has to be earned and you haven’t done that.”

The edges of me start to ripple, and a sense of floating captures my body, sweeping me upward. The drugs are kicking in, but I’m not done here. She sounds like she is. And maybe it’s better that way. I can push her away and keep her safe, let her go back to her old life. And?—

“Molly,” I rasp.

“What about her?” Heaven’s voice is slightly brittle.

“Is that why you killed Dominguez? Which, by the way, you really fucking shouldn’t have. Of all the dangerous, stupid things?—”

“Stop.” Heaven leans in close, her breath warm against my cheek. All it would take for me to melt everything back to the familiar would be me turning and lifting my head, brushing her mouth with mine. But I don’t do a thing. “Just fucking stop.”

She doesn’t move and continues. “I wanted a vile sack of shit like him stopped from hurting girls like Molly. I wanted him not to hurt my family. I wanted revenge for you, me, the Mollys of the world. She’s gone. And…and I have to learn to live with it, make it count. But make no mistake, this isn’t about my cousin. It’s about you and me.”

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