Page 430 of Sinfully Savage Mafia

But my head is just in a million places right now, especially with Anya around. Part of me is afraid that if I stay too long, I won’t be able to keep myself from falling back under her net. That’s why I’ve been avoiding her. It’s dangerous. She makes me lose focus and I can’t figure out why. I can’t help protect anyone if my head isn’t in the game.

Of course, avoiding her means I’m not around to protect anyone, so that plan doesn’t exactly work, either.

And my head has us back in Heaven’s bedroom, peeling her out of that hot-as-fuck dress.

Right now, I feel just like the trust fund baby she thought I was when we first met.

Useless. Entitled. Vacuous.

I need purpose.

“You talk to Matteo about this?”

“Yeah. He thinks I’m using my job as an excuse to find redemption.”

“Are you?” Sergio lifts an eyebrow.

I shrug. “Maybe.”

“You think you’re ever gonna get it?”

“Nope,” I say. “But does that mean I should stop trying?”

“I think if you stick around here for a little while, you’ll see that you can figure out how to build a future instead of trying to fix the past.”

“Did Matteo feed you that line?” I snort. “Jesus, you guys sound like you’re reading from the same script.”

“He’s worried about you. So am I. You’ve been dicking around for long enough. It’s time to set yourself up for the long term.” He shrugs. “You can’t be a hit man forever.”

“It’s what I’m good at.”

“Maybe it’s time to figure out what else you might be good at.”

“This place has nothing for me.” I fling an arm over my eyes to shade them from the sun. “I like my job. Love it, actually. I’m fucking awesome at it, too. I get paid a lot of money to handle shit other people can’t. That’s how I always contributed to the family. I took care of anyone who was a risk to our empire.” I sit up and squint. “But here? There aren’t any threats. There’s just a really fucking paranoid boss who wants constant surveillance on his wife and kid. I agreed to do it for a few months but now…I don’t know. I love them to pieces, Serge. But I don’t wanna be stuck out here forever. Matteo keeps telling me to open my own personal security firm out here for the whales who need protection for their cash and drugs and whatever the hell else.”

“Sounds like easy money to me,” Sergio says.

“Too easy, it’s boring,” I grumble.

“I don’t know about that. Anya seems like she can add plenty of spice to your days here, bro. Nights, too.” He chuckles.

And there it is. That pull is back, just at the mere mention of her name.

But I don’t do normal. I don’t do relationships. And I definitely don’t do long term.

How the hell would that even work?

I’ve got enough of my own baggage, and Anya clearly has a staggering amount of her own.

The sex would be incredible for as long as it lasted, but I’d eventually jump ship like always because it’s who I am.

Forget the fact that Matteo would murder me for laying a finger on her.

Besides, I have a calling and it’s to kill the bad guys.

Well,worseguys since I guess technically I am one of the bad ones.

At least I have somewhat of a moral compass, though. It doesn’t always point due north, but I use it.

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