Page 69 of Because You Loved Me

He sighed. “No, it doesn’t matter, Noa.” His fingers slipped out of hers, and he pulled himself up to a sitting position. “We both know what’s going to happen here.”

“We do?” Her voice shook. The emotions were too strong. Her carefully constructed compartments she’d shoved her heart into were starting to crack, and she struggled to keep her composure.

Maybe she knew it would happen, but there was a huge part of her, maybe the biggest part of her, that hoped it wouldn’t. Nothing about them made sense, and they were never supposed to be anything anyway.

“We do.” Asher wouldn’t look her in the eyes. “We always knew this was just a fun little fling, Noa. You were always going to go back to Ryan and your family.” He chuckled, as if it were a big joke that they were both in on.

She wasn’t laughing.

After a moment, Asher reached for her. “Don’t look so serious. I was just kidding.” He kissed her, but she couldn’t bring herself to kiss him back.

“Noa,” he said. “I’m sorry. I thought you’d know I was teasing. It’s late. Let’s go to sleep.”

Everything felt wrong. The shift between them was too big to ignore, but he was right. It was late. They could talk about it in the morning.

She laid down next to him, and Asher immediately pulled her in tight. The heat from his body warmed her. His hand came to rest on her hip, as if it were the most natural thing in the world and they’d been together for years.

It took a few minutes for his breathing to slow and fall into the rhythmic breathing of slumber.

She was sure he was asleep when she finally whispered, “You don’t know how I feel.”

He tightened his grip on her, and she stiffened, both worried and hopeful that he’d heard her. But again, his chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm.

Noa herself had almost fallen asleep when she heard his voice. “I know how I want you to feel.”

More confused than ever, a tear slipped down her cheek and hit the sheet beneath her.

But I’m afraid.She wanted to scream.I’m afraid to feel this.The words were stuck in her throat. After a few minutes, exhaustion took over completely, and Noa finally drifted to sleep.

ChapterSeventeen

Asher woke early,before Noa, and made coffee. He needed a chance to clear his head after the horrible asshole he’d been the night before.

He’d already replayed the midnight conversation a million times in his head. Each time, he’d hated himself a little bit more for the way he’d handled things.

What was it about him that didn’t allow him to just say how he felt? Why couldn’t he just look her in the eye and tell her that he didn’t want her to marry Ryan? That he wanted her to stay with him in whatever way that made sense? That he was developing feelings for her? Real ones. Why couldn’t he just say that to her?

What was wrong with him?

The cabin was too small and he needed to move.

Asher grabbed his coat, stuffed his feet into his boots, and as quietly as he could, slipped out the back door to the shed behind the house.

It was hard for him to believe that this place was his and he still didn’t know anything about it.He’d been a little distracted.

Okay, more than a little distracted.

Maybe that was a good thing.

He pulled the old wooden door of the shed open and let the daylight spill into the dark room. He’d only ventured in far enough to find an axe and the old wooden sled they’d used a few days earlier, but there was a lot more to discover.

The room was large and organized. Tools were hung up on the pegboard, and cans of various screws and fasteners were lined up along a workbench. Toward the back of the room were a few pairs of snowshoes and cross-country skis that looked as if they hadn’t been used in years.

Asher ignored them and turned his attention to an old notebook he’d found tucked in between two old coffee cans of nails.

He recognized his father’s handwriting immediately, and his breath caught in his throat.

All his siblings had processed Michael Carlson’s death in different ways. Each one grieved their father in a way that was just as unique as their relationship with him had been. All five of them were so different, it never occurred to Asher until recently that they must have been a challenging group to raise.

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