Page 76 of Because You Loved Me

It hurt her to say it, but at the same time, it was true. Asherwasan asshole. A cruel, heartless, cold asshole. She was falling for him.Reallyfalling for him. In a way she’d never let herself fall before, and he knew it. Hehadto know it.

How could he not?

But it didn’t matter, because even if he did know how she felt, or even suspected it, he’d tossed her out like yesterday’s trash.

She could still see the look on his face when he told her to go.I don’t fucking care, Noa. Just go.

A fresh sob slipped from her throat but Noa quickly clamped her hand over her mouth. “Ugh. I don’t want to care. He’s not worth it. He’s a?—”

“An asshole?” Ryan supplied, but the smile was gone from his face. He grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I don’t want to sound insensitive, but?—”

“You should never start a sentence that way.” She tried and failed to smile.

“Fair.” Ryan shrugged. “But isn’t this exactly what we were trying to avoid, Noa? You and I both know that romantic relationships aren’t for us. They never have been. That’s why you and I make so much sense. We love and care about each other more than any other couple I know.”

It was probably true that Ryan didn’t know a lot of happy couples, but he wasn’t wrong. There was so much love between the two of them. So much that she couldn’t argue.

Noa took a deep breath and looked up at her best friend. He was so patient and kind. It couldn’t even be real. “How are you not crazy pissed off at me right now?”

“Pissed off?” He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “Why? Because you left me at the altar and ran off with a virtual stranger to have all kinds of crazy sex in the middle of—well, I don’t actually know where you were.” He shrugged dramatically and continued, “Only to reappear without notice and spend the next few days crying as if your heart had been ripped out and stomped on? You think I should be pissed off aboutthat?”

She couldn’t help it; Noa laughed. At first, it was the slightest giggle that burbled up inside her, but then it gained power and turned into uncontrollable, almost hysterical laughter.

Ryan waited her out.

Truly the most patient man she knew. And when she finally regained control of herself, she said, “Yeah. All that. Why aren’t you mad?”

This time he gave her an honest answer. “I won’t lie to you, Noa. It’s not like I’m super thrilled. And I’m pretty sure that every single person we know back in the city is talking about us and I’m going to have to do all kinds of damage control when we get home. But, I’m not mad. Not really.” He took her hands in his and tugged her a little closer. “I know this whole thing is strange, and I don’t blame you for having some reservations about it all. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some, too.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do.” He looked at her as if she were crazy. “You don’t really think I’m that dead inside.”

“I don’t think you’re dead inside at all, Ryan,” she said honestly. “You really are the most caring, kindest man with the biggest heart.”

“Aw shucks.” He flushed a little but laughed it off and continued. “When we came up with this idea, it seemed like the perfect solution to make our families happy again. We’re perfect together in almost all the ways.” He winked, and she rolled her eyes. “But as you know, that didn’t concern me either. We’re going to be partners in work, why not in life? We get along so well, and I think our parents all demonstrate how important that is in a marriage.”

She nodded.

“I know marriage is a big deal,” he said. “But the only concern I have when it comes to this arrangement has nothing to do with me, Noa. A traditional marriage or romantic relationship isn’t something I’ve ever wanted for myself. You know that. But…”

“But?”

“But I think you do.”

She shook her head automatically. “You know I don’t.”

“That’s what you always say.” He squeezed her hands in his. “But it’s not true. And I think we both know that now more than ever.”

She shook her head and tried to pull out of his grasp. “What are you saying? That because I had a little…whatever it was with Asher, that all of a sudden, I now know what a real relationship could be like? That just because for the first time in my life I felt alive with a man, that I…oh shit.”

“Oh shit, indeed.” Again, Ryan squeezed her hands, but this time he let them go. “I think we both know that just because you came back, it doesn’t mean you’re going to marry me. Not now.”

He was right.

Of course he was.

There was a reason she’d run away in the first place, and that hadn’t changed just because Asher rejected her. Whathadchanged was that now instead of knowing she didn’t love Ryan in a way that was worthy of marriage, shedidlove someone else. And even if he wanted to ignore that, she couldn’t.

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