Page 79 of Because You Loved Me

She still had to face a conversation with her parents that she wasn’t looking forward to. But it was long overdue. And even if it was going to be hard—which she was certain it would be—she owed it to them.

She found them in two oversized wingback chairs situated by a picture window that faced the ski hill. Her mother had a book open on her lap but wasn’t reading. She stared out the window at the skiers and families on the hill. Her father watched her mother.

Noa paused a moment and took in the sight of them. She loved them more than anything in the world. It had been heartbreaking to watch them for the last few years as they worked through their grief. They deserved so much more.

She inhaled slowly. Released her grip on the rose and stepped forward. “Mom? Dad?”

Startled, her mother almost dropped her book as she swung around to look at Noa. Her father jumped from the chair and greeted her with a hug.

Guilt flooded her as she looked at her parents. They looked as if they’d aged decades in only a few short weeks, and she knew she was a huge part of that. Her dad brought her a chair and she pulled it up close, so she faced both of them.

“Noa.” Her mother reached for her the moment she sat. “We’ve been so worried.”

“I’m sorry.” It was inadequate, and she knew it. But there were no other words. “Ryan said he told you I was okay. I just needed to…” She blew out a breath. “I needed some time to think.” It didn’t seem like the right time to tell them that she was nursing a broken heart on top of everything. One thing at a time. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” she said again, looking between them. “For everything.”

“Noa,” her father said. “It’s fine. We’re just happy you’re okay.” From the moment Noa was born, Charles had a soft spot for her. She’d been a daddy’s girl from the very start, and she’d known it. Even as a teenager, Charles had never raised his voice at her, and she could do no wrong. But this was different. And she wasn’t going to let herself be let off the hook so easily.

“Dad.” She gave him a soft smile. “I appreciate that. But I really do owe you both an apology. A real one.” She looked at her mother then. “I’ve been acting…well, it’s been selfish. So selfish, and it wasn’t okay.”

“You’re back now,” Janice said. “We can go ahead with?—”

“No, Mom.” This was the part she’d been dreading. “I never should have agreed to marry Ryan. It wasn’t fair to anyone, but we didn’t do this to hurt anyone. Especially not the two of you and Jeannie and Brad. I know it seems crazy,” she continued. “But we did all thisforthe four of you.”

“Did what, Noa?”

“Ryan and I aren’t in love,” she stated simply. “He’s talking to his mom and dad right now, too.”

“What do you mean?” Janice sat up straight in her chair. “You’re not in love? That doesn’t make sense. You two are?—”

“Best friends,” Noa finished for her. “Don’t get me wrong. I love Ryan, and he loves me.” She reached for the rose necklace. “But it’s not a stuck-in-your-throat kind of love.” She smiled a little to herself as she said it, thinking of her grandmother. “It’s the type of love that goes skiing together and watches a movie. It’s not the type of love that commits to marriage and a life together. Does that make sense?”

“No.” Her father spoke. “None of this makes sense. If you don’t love Ryan that way, and he doesn’t love you, why would you agree to get married? Why are we here? What is all of this, Noa?”

“Ryan and I agreed to get married to make you all smile again.” The words came out in a rush of air. Once they left her mouth, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “We thought we could make it work together because neither of us really ever cared about getting married for real, and we all just needed a reason to be happy and celebrate again ever since Tom and Olivia died.” It wasn’t until she was finished talking that she carefully and slowly opened her eyes again to see her parents watching her with expressions she couldn’t read.

After a few moments of silence, Noa dared to speak again. “Well? I know it sounds kind of crazy, but?—”

“Crazy?” Her mother shook her head and blinked hard against tears. “You think it soundscrazy,Noa?”

Noa nodded.

“It’s beyond crazy.” Janice released her daughter and buried her face in her hands.

The sound of her mother’s sobbing filled the space, and immediately, Noa wanted to recant everything she’d just said.

A little voice inside her was screaming at her.Yes.She’d marry Ryan. She’d put a white dress on and walk down the aisle and pledge her life to a man she wasn’t in love with if it meant that her mother would smile again. Or at the very least, just. Stop. Crying.

“Mom. I’m so?—”

“No.” Her father reached for her and pulled her away from her mother, to face him. “Give her a minute, kiddo. This was…well, to say it was unexpected would be an incredible understatement.” He dropped his eyes and shook his head for a moment before looking her in the eyes. “You really thought marrying Ryan would make us happy?”

She pressed her lips together and nodded. “You’ve just been so sad.”

He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “Oh, Noa. Of course we’ve been sad. Your brother died. That rocked our worlds in the worst way. How could it not?”

She shrugged dumbly.

“But the answer to that isn’t for you to sign up for a lifetime of unhappiness.”

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