Page 10 of Light

So why the hell am I still sitting here, staring at her porch like it’s got answers I’m not ready to hear?

She’s not mine. She’s not even my type.

But for some damn reason… I can’t make myself drive away.

Three

Melissa

The silence tonightisn’t peaceful, it’s unnerving.

It’s been three days since I’ve seen any sign of Deke or any of his little cronies.

The naive part of me wants to think I haven’t seen any of them because they’ve just given up now that they know I have nothing to give them, but the realist in me knows that the only reason I haven’t seen them is because they are just biding their time. They are waiting for the perfect time to terrorize me.

If only they knew that the waiting was more torturous than the actual confrontation.

Slowly, I make my way through the house, making sure all the lights are turned off and there are no fires on the stove. I do this every night before I go in and make one last check on Tyler. Thankfully, the doctor was able to take him off the respirator.

Tyler is a resilient kid. It’s not the first time he’s had to endure having a tube down his throat, and thanks to his condition, I’m sure it won’t be the last. All I can do is be grateful for the little victories.

Tonight, he’s breathing soundly.

I make my way into his bedroom and look down at my sleeping child. I gulp down the frog in my throat. I’m so proud to be his mother. So proud that even though we’ve got a shit deal when it comes to his health, this little boy is all mine. I didn’t have much time with Thomas, but I’m sure he’d be just as in love with his son as I am.

It’s late by the time I pull myself away from the doorway of my son’s room. My joints hurt. I spent most of the day cleaning up and making sure the house was as dust free as I could get it. Tyler doesn’t do well around dirt and grime. Not that he cares, but any little thing can send his respiratory system into overdrive. I’d rather keep him from going back on the respirator as long as possible.

So that’s what I do, spend my days scouring every surface until it’s shiny clean. It’s not the most exciting life, but I’ve already had all the excitement I’ll ever need in my past life.

Slowly, I trudge into my bedroom and get into my night clothes. The darkness in the house nearly envelops me. My body is completely worn out, but my mind refuses to shut off.

I doubt every decision I’ve made. The circumstances that led me to get involved with someone like Deke. The threats. The terror. All of it.

I’ve made quite a few mistakes in my time, but nothing as bad as taking a loan from him. I was desperate, and the desperation nearly destroyed my family.

I take a deep breath and do my best to shut off the chaos inside my mind. It's not like I can take it back now. I'm already living with the consequences.

Shutting my eyes I get comfortable in bed.

Then I hear it.

The sound of steps on dirt.

There's something outside my window. Fear and anxiety rip through me as I roll onto my back and strain to hear better. Maybe it's just an animal or someone walking along the side area. I don't live in the best area and sometimes people walk through the property to get where they want to go.

I'm sure I have nothing to worry about.

That naive part of me assures me but experience has taught me that trusting that part of me nearly always leads to disaster.

I lay in bed for a few more seconds waiting for the sound to go away but when it doesn't I slide out of bed. Staying on my tip toes I make my way out of my room and through the house. I spare a glance in the direction of Tyler's room. It's not him, he's still sound asleep.

My breathing is coming in short tight gasps and I have to remind myself that I have to stay calm. I look around the space for anything that I can use to protect Tyler and myself but all that I can come up with is a knife from the kitchen. It'll do little good if the person outside has a gun or something like that. Still it's all I have.

My hand tremble as I reach for one of the sharper knives in the kitchen and slowly continue to make my way to the area where I think the sound is coming from. Instead of using the front door I go around to the back.

As quietly as possible I unhook and slide the double latch I purchased to make me feel more safe in my home. I cringe when the slide lock squeaks as I move it. I have to stay hidden. I don't know what is going to be waiting for me when I open this door. Don't know who's out there.

The cool breeze of the night air wisps against my skin like a whisper as I open the back door and take a step out. My bare feet sink into the untended dirt that is my back yard. I grip the knife in my hold with both hands to keep it from shaking so much.

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