Page 12 of Light

I did try every other way, it was impossible.

The truth is, I did everything I could. I begged. I borrowed. I swallowed my pride and knocked on every door that would open, even the ones that slammed shut in my face. And when none of that worked, I went to the devil.

Deke was my last resort. And now, he’s the reason I’m sitting here in the dark, searching for a weapon I barely know how to use, terrified that if I don’t act fast, I’m going to wake up to my son missing or worse.

I curl in on myself, the weight of the night pressing against my chest. My eyes burn. My throat aches. I don’t cry, but I want to.

The truth is, this whole thing might not be about the gun. Maybe it’s about control. About not feeling like prey every time the wind changes direction or a shadow moves too close to the window. Maybe I’m just tired of being scared.

Maybe I just don’t want to feel so damn powerless anymore.

For a second, I let myself wonder if I’m overreacting. If I’m just a single mom spiraling from too much fear and too little rest. But the smell of cigarettes lingers in my nose like poison, and I know better.

This isn’t paranoia.

This isn’t exhaustion.

This is survival.

If it were just me, maybe I could wait it out. Maybe I could let it go. But it’s not just me. It’s Tyler. My son. My heart outside of my body. The only thing in this world that matters.

I drag the laptop back onto my legs and refresh the search results.

It doesn’t matter if I’m scared. It doesn’t matter if I hate guns. I need one.

I need protection.

I need security.

I need the upper hand.

Because someone is out there watching me.

I can feel it in my bones.

Four

Light

I keep tellingmyself that I'm being cautious.

But I've never been this cautious about someone I don't care about.

It's been a few days since I've been over to Melissa's house to check on the electrical work that I completed for her.

Every time I come around, I can tell that she's just a little unsure about me. Uneasy about what I'm doing. I guess that should be expected. I did accidentally assume she was only coming to me because she wanted me to blow her back out.

I don't think she's ever going to let me live that down.

Still there is no real reason for me to keep coming over here to check on her. Today though I tell myself it'll be the last time. Just one more check of the equipment and I leave her and the boy on their own. I'm sure she's got her own people to come look out for her. She doesn't need me. Even if she did I'm not on the market right now to be anyone's savior. I'm just the electrician.

The deep rumble of the bike under me soothes my thoughts for a moment before I turn the ignition and let the bike settle on the kickstand. I hop off the bike and make my way toward Melissa's house. She steps out before I have a chance to make it to the porch.

"Back again?" She raises an eyebrow at me and crosses her arms over her chest.

She's wearing a plain white tank top with multicolor pajama pants. Her hair is in one of those messy buns the ladies like to wear and she has on big black framed glasses. She's not trying to impress me in the least, but by God she's absolutely stunning.

I clear my throat and look away from her. I'm not here to gawk at her. The last thing I want is for her to start feeling uncomfortable with me.

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