Page 4 of Light

I stare at the screen trying to see through the fog that is my life right now.

Tyler nudges my arm and taps on the small dry erase board that he must have slid into my lap at some point. I don't even remember him reaching for it. I'm in a completely different world right now and though I'm trying my best to shield my worries from Tyler he can see through my fake smile.

The words on the dry erase board only prove it.

"What's wrong?" His tired, deep brown eyes mirror the worry he can't voice.

I hate that I'm making him feel this way. All I want is for him to be safe and happy, and even though he knows that I love him, I wonder if he ever thinks that I'm not a good mother because I can't really take care of him.

"Oh, buddy, nothing's wrong." I run my fingers through his hair and do my best to focus on the screen in front of us.

I pull my feet up on the couch and curl up closer to him so I can snuggle against his side more.

He huffs and erases the words on the dry erase board before he quickly starts to write something else.

I look at the stark white board flood with words as he continues to write.

"Are you sure? You seem a little sad. Do you want to watch something else? Are you tired?"

I swipe my hand across the board and quickly erase all the concern he has written there. I don't want him to worry about me. I want him to watch his show. He's got enough to worry about just being sick.

My little boy didn't ask for this life. He didn't ask to be diagnosed with a condition that would take nearly every cent I had to keep him healthy. I'll be damned if I let him take on more of a burden now.

"Tyler, I promise you, I'm fine. I'm just trying to figure out what the heck is going on with these characters. They always seem like they're in trouble. Where are their parents?" I joke, and he smiles brighter. I can't wait to hear his voice again.

Hopefully, when the doctor comes to visit with us tomorrow, he'll say that Tyler is strong enough to fully breathe on his own. They've already turned down the oxygen on the respirator to nearly room atmosphere level. Tyler is getting stronger every day. I'm so grateful.

Tyler and I sit there for a few more minutes and he tries his best to explain to me what's going on. Of course, even after telling me everything he can on the white board, I still don't know what the heck is happening. I guess I'm just going to have to pay more attention.

After the second episode, I get up from the couch, ready to go into the kitchen and get dinner started for us.

I think I'm going to make some chili, it's Tyler's favorite.

There's a slight knock, and I turn my head in Tyler's direction. He's got his board up and a question on the surface.

"How did the lights get turned back on so quickly this time? I thought you said we would need an electrician to come in and fix them."

"Oh, I found one nearby. He's been coming over to help out."

"The man I saw in the window?" Tyler asks, and immediately, my heart drops. He saw a man in the window?

Could it be that the same assholes that have been harassing me have somehow made contact with my son?

"What man in the window?" I ask, trying my hardest to keep the tremble out of my voice. He doesn't need to know what is going on around here.

"Yeah, the blonde guy." Tyler tilts his head after writing down what he wanted me to know.

I let out a deep breath. He's right, Light was at the window the other day.

Just Light. Not Deke.

"Yeah, he's an electrician." I smile and go back to making the food.

This seems to be enough information for Tyler because he goes back to focus on the TV show while I get dinner together.

Everything seems so at peace.

The food is simmering on the stove. The house is tidy, and Tyler is occupied with the television.

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