And part of me wonders how much longer we can hold back before it consumes us both.
I clear my throat and pull my feet up on the couch so I can sit criss cross. Anything to keep myself from lunging at this man right now.
It's the silence that's getting to me. I just need to fill the space.
"So, you've been coming by a lot lately." I broach the subject.
Light turns slightly in his seat to look at me, pulling one of his legs up on the couch. "Yeah, that's not a problem, is it? You need some space from me?"
My eyes open wide, "No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just concerned that you're giving up all your free time to be here with us. I don't want to become a burden. I'm sure there are other people who'd like some of your attention too." I cringe at the shameless tactic. I could've just asked him if he was seeing anyone, but I had to go the hard way.
That sly smile creeps up his face. "You're not a burden, Melissa and no, there's no one else who needs my attention."
I bite the corner of my lip and stuff my hands under my thighs. I've already started this, I might as well see it through. "Why is that? I mean, I don't see any reason why you don't have dates lined up until next year. Is there a reason you're single?"
The smile drops from his face, and he fists his hands on his thighs for a second before he releases them, "I don't do relationships. I fuck and leave. Nothing more."
The intensity of his answer smacks me in the face and I jerk back as if it was a physical blow.
"Wow, well, that's too bad for you. Seems a little unfulfilling." I shrug.
"It's for the best. Relationships are nothing but trouble."
"You can't mean that...do you?" I lean forward slightly. There's more to this story. More to Light. I want to know all of it.
"I do. My experience has already given me all the fucking proof I'll ever need not to get involved with anyone like that again."
"Tell me about it. What happened to make you feel this way."
The anger in his eyes dwindles slightly before he takes a breath and speaks, "I was in a relationship once. Alisha. I thought she was my everything. I'd have given my life and soul for that woman, but it turns out instead all it took for her to show her true colors was my freedom."
Light leans forward, his elbows braced on his knees, his hands clasped tight like he is holding himself together by a thread.
"I was young and dumb," he says, voice low. "Met Alisha when I was still figuring my shit out. She was...everything. Smart. Sexy. Dangerous in a way that made you want to jump headfirst off a cliff for her."
I stay quiet, letting him work through it at his own pace.
"She told me her boss had dirt on her. Said he had some personal shit on a hard drive. Stuff that could ruin her life. Blackmail, she called it."
He snorts bitterly and shakes his head.
"So she comes to me all wide-eyed and desperate. Begs me to help. Said all I had to do was break into his house, snag the hard drive, and get out. Easy."
He spits the word like it is poison.
"But she never told me he was going to be home. Never told me he was gonna walk in while I was pulling the damn computer apart. We fought. It got ugly fast. He pulled a gun. I had to beat the shit out of him just to make it out of there alive."
He goes quiet for a second, his jaw clenched so tight I can see the muscles twitching.
I reach out and rest my hand lightly on his forearm. His skin is hot under my palm, buzzing with restrained fury.
"Guy ended up in the hospital. Broken ribs. Broken jaw. Some internal bleeding. They said he spent a few weeks laid up before he could even walk again."
Light laughs under his breath, but there is no humor in it.
"The cops found me a couple hours later. Traced me by the busted doorbell cam. I could have told them the truth. Could have thrown Alisha under the bus."
He looks at me then, and the weight of it nearly knocks the air out of my lungs.