Page 59 of Light

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. My heart twists.

Light clears his throat, then continues.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around when you first got sick. Your mom, she’s tough. But she’s been doing this on her own for too long.”

His voice lowers again. I have to strain to hear it.

“If she lets me, I’ll stick around. For good this time. No more bullshit. No more halfway.”

The words knock the breath from my lungs. A tear slips free. I wipe it away quickly and slowly lift my head.

“You always sneak into hospital rooms and pour your heart out to unconscious kids?” I ask. My voice is soft, hoarse from sleep and something else I don't want to name.

Light startles slightly, then turns toward me. There’s no mask on his face. No cocky smirk. Just him. Real. Raw.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he says.

“Too late.”

I shift in the chair and glance at Tyler. He hasn’t moved. Still tucked beneath the blankets, his tiny chest rising and falling with the machines' rhythm. I clutch my knees to my chest again and rest my chin there.

Light leans forward, elbows on his thighs.

“We need to talk,” he says.

“About Deke.”

“Yeah. You don’t have to go through this by yourself, Melissa. I know I screwed up. I made things worse. But I’m not walking away.”

I stay quiet, blinking back the flood behind my eyes. It would be easier to tell him to leave. To tell him it’s not his problem. But the truth is, I don’t want to carry this alone anymore.

And maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to.

The minute the thought enters my head I shake it away. I can't do this. Not to him. Especially after what he told me his ex did to him, I never want to put him in a position that could get him in trouble. I know how this is going to end. Light is going to go after Deke with everything he has, and I'm sure it's going to lead him back to prison.

"No."

"What the hell do you mean no? I'm not giving you a choice, Melissa." He stands up from his chair. The power of him getting up is enough to send the chair skittering back against the bed.

My eyes instantly jerk over to Tyler, worried that it might have disturbed him. Of course, it didn't. My poor baby has no clue what is going on here. If I had my way, he'd never know what is going on here.

Unfortunately, if I do try to take this on myself, I'm not going to be able to keep it hidden from him for too long. Maybe there's a way that Light can help me and still be safe about this.

"Light, you're all brute and rage. I don't want you and Deke going head to head because you're the only one who is going to end up losing. Sure you might be able to best him in a fight but what about after. You could go to jail. You could gain a long term enemy. I can't put you at risk like that. Not for me."

He drops his hands to his side, letting some of the anger leave his body as he walks over to me. He grabs the sides of my face and lifts, so I have to look up at him. "Why wouldn't I risk it all for you, Melissa? You're the only one I'd risk it all for."

"That's the problem, Light. You shouldn't. I'm nothing to you. We're nothing. I only needed an electrician and you did your job. That's the end of any responsibility you have to me." Even as the words come out of my mouth, I know how deep they cut. I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside it feels like my heart is in shreds.

He drops his hands again and backs up, "You're still going to insist that what we've got going on here is nothing?"

"It is nothing." I keep my face as stoic as possible. "Now, I appreciate you taking the time out to visit Tyler, but I think we both need our rest."

His eyes go hard and his jaw clenches over and over as he just stares at me. This isn't what he expected. It's not what I expected to say, but I know deep in my heart it's what needed to be done. I'm not going to let Light lose himself for me.

My head drops as Light turns on his heel and walks out of the hospital room. There's no harsh words or fighting, just the emptiness I feel now that I'm pushing him out of my life.

***

---