Page 45 of Falling for the Enemy

“Oh wow, I just felt my soul get pushed back to the nineteenth century. Never mind the inkwell analogy. So, Robyn thinks my attitude toward your professor is because of a latent crush?”

“It’s silly, I know. You know women and their romance stories. Ian and Robyn have a bet about it. She says the two of you will be a couple by summer. Ian says she’s nuts, that Professor Lovely would never fall for a guy like—” He turned his face back down.

“What? A guy like Scrooge?”

“Something like that. Anyway, forget it. Robyn doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

I stared out at the river. I could no longer see the rippling surface from where we sat, which was a good sign. The water level was dropping. “Actually, Robyn is even smarter than I thought.”

Norm’s face popped up. “Yeah?”

“That’s just between you and me, Norm. Not for public consumption.”

“I won’t say a word. After all, you promised to help me get switched over to the computer school.”

“I sure did. I’ll get started on that when we get back …” I looked over at him. “After I eat a plate of nachos. After Professor Lovely mentioned it, I can’t stop thinking about them.”

Norm rubbed his belly. “Me too. Greasy chips, saucy beans under a mountain of grated cheese, sour cream and guacamole.”

“A man could die happily after a plate of nachos.”

We both had a good laugh, and I returned to my task to get a fire going.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

AVA

It was one of those moments that reminded me why I loved adventure, why I loved to explore the world and all its beauty. The night creatures had created a purring chorus in the surrounding trees as a warm evening with a lush blue sky fell over our muddy little camp. Stars poked out of the navy blue velvet sky, sparkling brightly as if it was their first day in the universe.

I stood near the river and stared out at the landscape as it dipped into the shadows of night. The water below was not seething with wrath anymore. It meandered between its steep banks, nonchalantly, almost coyly, as if forgetting that just a day earlier it raged like an out-of-control beast ready to take away anything in its path … including me.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Jack’s deep voice floated through my reverie. Had his voice always sounded whiskey smooth like that?

“They aren’t worth a penny. I was just watching this river and wondering how it could change so dramatically in just a few days. Then it almost killed me. Now it looks like something you could float a paper boat down.”

“Guess everything has a spectrum, and sometimes you find yourself at one end and the next thing you know, you’re at the other end.”

I peered sideways at him.

A crease formed on the side of his face as he stared out at the river. “Yep, should have worked on that one a little longer before tossing it out in the world. But this river is starting to feel like an analogy for my life. When things aren’t going right, or I feel like they’re slipping out of my control, I show it in my attitude. When things started going south between Gwen and me, I wasn’t worried about losing her. We’d already grown apart and discovered we were never suited for each other. But then there was Holly. I felt myself slipping away from her life. I wasn’t going to be her dad day and night. Only every other week and that didn’t seem right. Yet there was nothing I could do about it. It aggravated the hell out of me not to be able to change that.”

“That’s how I felt when the doctors told us Nonna didn’t have much time. Her kidneys had started shutting down, and there wasn’t anything they could do but keep her comfortable. There are no worse words in the medical world than ‘All we can do is keep her comfortable.’ It’s the doctor’s not-so-subtle way of saying it’s over, and there’s nothing anyone can do.” I looked over at him. “No one likes to feel out of control, Jack. Your feelings about Holly are completely natural. They show that you’re a good dad, a great dad, and no matter how many holidays or weekends you spend with her, she’ll know that. She’ll feel it here.” I pressed my hand against his chest. His heartbeat sped up when I left my hand there a few seconds too long.

I dropped my hand, and the two of us stared out at the disappearing landscape. The fire flickered in the pit behind us, but there was no other light for miles. It made you feel as if you were standing at the end of the universe.

“I have a confession to make, Lo … Ava,” he said quietly. “I treated you badly from the start because something about you—well—I think if I’d let myself in on how I really felt about you—that I’d lose that control I always try so desperately to hang onto. I was just going along, minding my own business, doing my job the best I could, getting through each day of my new life without Gwen and Holly, and then all of a sudden, standing in the staff lounge—there was this beautiful, intelligent woman who was so incredible, all the energy in the room seemed to sweep her direction. Seriously, the whole staff was sitting there in absolute awe of their new colleague who came with a top-notch resume and world experience most of us could only dream about. I was intimidated and knocked off balance and completely and utterly confounded by my reaction. So, I did what I always do best. I pulled into my tight little shell, turned off my feelings and left the room without even a hello. Now that I think back on it, I realize it was a coping mechanism. I regret it now, my behavior, but I know that doesn’t smooth things out. Just glad to get it off my chest. Guess I’ll head in. Big escape day tomorrow.” He turned. I don’t remember how or when it happened, but my hand flew out and I grabbed his.

He turned toward me. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his mouth. It all happened fast, like an unexpected explosion, and as our mouths touched it occurred to me that he might very well pull away. But he didn’t. He waited (an excruciating amount of time) before finally wrapping his arms around me. We kissed for a long time in front of the meandering river and beneath the newborn stars. For that long moment I was lost in the feel of his strong arms around me and the tender but urgent kiss. Then that little goblin that always seemed to sit on my shoulder when I least wanted him to tapped me a few times to remind me that this wasn’t a good idea. Therewas little reasoning behind it, but I knew I was going to regret this impulsive decision.

I pulled away, and my hand flew to my mouth. “No, I shouldn’t have—I’m sorry.” I turned and ran off.

“What the hell are you so afraid of, Lo?” he called to me.

I stopped, spun around and marched back. “What am I afraid of?”

He shrugged. “Simple question.”

“It’s not fear. I slipped into a moment of insanity, and now clarity and sanity have returned. You and I can’t ever be, and you know it as well as me.”

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